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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

do your teens help out at weekends

34 replies

Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 15:21

So 18 year old and 13 year old are out meeting friends today, which is great, I'm happy. Tomorrow they will be lolling about, doing a bit of homework, watching tv etc.
I'm feeling very overwhelmed with housework, and garden work. Havent been in the back garden since before xmas. Front covered in leaves and weeds.

am renting and have a house inspection on tuesday so need to get hte whole house clean and tidy. Also have to cook dinner.
I know, we all have to do that right.

I feel like crying, cos I don't want to do it.

I need to cop on don't I. I'm just so tired. Feeling sorry for myself.

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 05/03/2022 15:30

Yes but they also help out during the week.

Ds12 / his daily chores are to clean the toilets everyday x3, keeps his bedroom tidy and fills the dishwasher every evening.

On a weekend he strips all the beds and separates whatever washing into piles (whites, darks, bedding…)

Ds16 - cleans the kitchen worktops daily, fills the dishwasher and keeps his bedroom clean.

His weekend chores are hoover the carpeted rooms, clean the windows and wipe the cills.

We’ve done this since they were little, which is how they earn their pocket money.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 05/03/2022 15:32

Sorry ds16 is to empty the dishwasher after school not fill

CatherinedeBourgh · 05/03/2022 15:33

Yes, they help with the housework and they also cook every so often. They also love gardening and will always pitch in with that.

dollymuchymuchness · 05/03/2022 15:35

My teens never "help". Instead they clean up their own rooms, change their bedding, do their own washing, do some cooking and fix their own breakfasts and snacks and load the dishwasher.

These teens will be adults soon. Part of our job as parents is to equip them to live independently.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/03/2022 15:37

It's not helping to keep the home you live in tidy - it should be expected.

What do they normally do on a day-to-day basis?

nokidshere · 05/03/2022 15:39

My two are in their 20s now. As teenagers they rarely offered up their time but always did whatever I asked them to do. It's not perfect but it's a starting point. Have you actually asked them to do stuff?

itsgettingweird · 05/03/2022 15:40

Agree about it not helping - it's being part of a household.

My ds has to hoover the whole house weekly and take all the bins out.

He also puts the washing up away, strips and makes his own bed after bedding is washed.

Keeps bedroom tidy.

He also has to clean the car out but that one's because it's his shit on the floor Grin

Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 15:48

Yeah you're all right, I've let things slip during the week since going back to the office, so it all builds up to the weekend.

Even with the chores during the week though, there just seems so many jobs to do.
Only time I really miss having a husband who would help out. To be fair, ex always did hoovering, and garden. He was good at hoovering, I'll give him that. Lol. I'm so crap at it. I do it and then when I put it away I see all the stuff I missed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 15:53

I'm doing a list now. It's not so much the every day stuff that needs doing, it's like washing the windows, cleaning the blinds, and then there's stuff that I need to fix, like putting a door back on, re-painting the windowsill in the bathroom after the roof leaked. sorting the black mould in the bathroom and bedroom - though I might leave that til after the inspection.
think i need to make a more comprehensive weekly/daily list.

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Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 15:54

I spent hours on the car last week - that's another one that needs to go on the list for regularly going over.
I feel like just sitting down with a book but I better get up.
DS home now but he's tired after meeting his friends

OP posts:
Wafflesnsniffles · 05/03/2022 15:57

If my teens are at home then yes they help out if something needs doing. Weekdays, weekends, school hols.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/03/2022 15:58

Your children should have started doing their fair share years and years ago. Not teaching them how to take care of the home isn't doing them any favours.

AlisonDonut · 05/03/2022 16:00

If you have an inspection coming up, you all need to do a tidy one day, and a clean the next otherwise you are going to panic Monday night. Or a tidy tomorrow morning, lunch and a clean in the afternoon. All of you. It is part and parcel of living in a house.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 16:04

Yeah they don't do nothing, they do bits here and there when I ask them, like they do the dishes after dinner, or if I'm at work. They put on a wash and hang it out. They hoover sometimes, they change their beds. It's the other jobs really, like washing windows, hoovering under the beds, dusting, tidying the garden. Not the every day stuff so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 16:06

Just remembered I have to bring dog out today as well.
So for today I have to
make dinner
bring out dog
hoover
mop
hang out wash
wash windows and blinds
and all the other stuff - like dust, tidy up etc etc

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canary1 · 05/03/2022 16:06

Mine don’t help. No one helps. I’m sure I have done something wrong....

canary1 · 05/03/2022 16:06

Just saw yours do a load of washing, and will do some hoovering. They’re better than mine!!!

Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 16:07

@Aquamarine1029

Your children should have started doing their fair share years and years ago. Not teaching them how to take care of the home isn't doing them any favours.
Gosh you must have it all under control at your house @Aquamarine1029!!!! What ages are your kids

And for your information they have always done stuff round the house and know how to. Thye just don't particularly want to - same as me I guess!!!!

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Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 16:08

@canary1

Just saw yours do a load of washing, and will do some hoovering. They’re better than mine!!!
Yeah well, if they're in the mood they will... sometimes I just don't bother as it takes too much energy.

thank god there's 1 other person who has trouble. feeling so overwhelmed. I better go and do something.

OP posts:
Graphista · 05/03/2022 16:10

One of them is already an adult.

Our job as parents is to raise them to be capable, confident adults who treat others fairly and aren't lazy and entitled!

At 13 my dd (now 21) was;

Keeping her room clean and tidy (if it wasn't come noon sat no pocket money)

Doing her own laundry

Cooking 1-2 eve meals a week sometimes more (she liked cooking)

Dishes (whoever cooked the other cleared up)

Hoovering

Clearing up after herself inc dishes if she'd had a snack, bathroom after she'd used it etc

They're more than capable! (Barring illness/disability of course. Dd and I both have different disabilities and worked around them so she did stuff I struggled with eg hoovering and I did stuff she struggled with eg ironing her uniform she was better at stripping beds I was better at making them)

With an inspection looming it needs to be all hands on deck! Sit and divvy up what needs done - everyone has jobs they hate and ones they prefer - and nobody should be too knackered

Many hands make light work

Blueeyedgirl21 · 05/03/2022 16:13

My mum used to go to work and leave me a list which I always used to do last minute usually chucking stuff in the dryer as she was pulling up on the drive coming home haha

But I always used to do it, and it got me used to what you need to do to keep a house clean and tidy. Any extra bits she would sometimes give me a bit of money for - like when I could drive she’d get me to do a couple of tip runs one day or maybe do some of the household ironing and she would give me a tenner which I’d usually treat myself to a Starbucks with or something.

She’d leave a list like:

Hoover front room
Load dishwasher
Take bin out
Make bed and take washing down from bedroom (my own room)
Walk dog

For a full day of me just doing nothing of a weekend of school/uni holiday. Or I would work evenings and be doing nothing in the day. Tbh it got me out of bed and I didn’t mind helping. I think you have to be direct with teens, they won’t always offer but spell out what you want them to do and often they will do it. Especially easy stuff - dog walk, Hoover, hang out washing, tidy individual rooms up is piece of piss!

Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 16:15

@Graphista

One of them is already an adult.

Our job as parents is to raise them to be capable, confident adults who treat others fairly and aren't lazy and entitled!

At 13 my dd (now 21) was;

Keeping her room clean and tidy (if it wasn't come noon sat no pocket money)

Doing her own laundry

Cooking 1-2 eve meals a week sometimes more (she liked cooking)

Dishes (whoever cooked the other cleared up)

Hoovering

Clearing up after herself inc dishes if she'd had a snack, bathroom after she'd used it etc

They're more than capable! (Barring illness/disability of course. Dd and I both have different disabilities and worked around them so she did stuff I struggled with eg hoovering and I did stuff she struggled with eg ironing her uniform she was better at stripping beds I was better at making them)

With an inspection looming it needs to be all hands on deck! Sit and divvy up what needs done - everyone has jobs they hate and ones they prefer - and nobody should be too knackered

Many hands make light work

you sound very organised Graphista.

I think that's where I fall down. I need to be more pro-active about organising them (and myself) to keep on top of everything.

I'm making a list for tomorrow, though just remembered dd is going out all day.

Will go in to ds in a bit and see if he will help me though he's already said he's tired after meeting his friends...

dog looking at me with sad eyes now as well

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/03/2022 16:17

@Blueeyedgirl21 actually I think I remember my own mum doing this as well.
Partly it's me - I'm just disorganised.
I think I got used to wfh, so I could do bits during the day and keep on top of everything.

Very different now I'm back at the office and I'm really tired after all commuting. I just want to flop.

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Midlifemusings · 05/03/2022 16:19

Don't make dinner tonight. You can eat without cooking meals on days where there is just too much to be done.

Make a list. Tell the kids you need help and that passing the house inspection is everyone's responsibility. Get them to help you with the list and treat them to a dinner out tomorrow as a thank you for doing more than their regular chores.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 05/03/2022 16:20

@Ceci03 it is a big change going back! The time in the day to do stuff was so helpful !

Lists are the answer. If you wanted to be really organized, pop a whiteboard in your shopping trolley next time you’re out and do a whiteboard system - write jobs on and rub off when done !