To not want the news on in front of the kids

[19Bears]

It's been playing on my mind since I was 7 (in 1984) about the threat of nuclear war. I don't mean constantly thinking about it, more that it's always been at the back of my mind, but the thought of it is horrifying, not like any other thought that might be lurking. Anyway, although my kids (14 and 10) are fully aware of what is going on in Ukraine, I'd rather they didn't see much of it on the news, or hear the speculation about the nuclear threat, to save them from having this on their minds too. So, as the 6 o clock news was about to come on last night, I switched over to House of Games. Me and the kids like it anyway, and I feel as if it's a bit of a much needed comfort at the moment. But DH came over, got the controller and went to put it back on the news. I said I'd really prefer not to watch it, especially with the kids there. With his usual sarcastic bluster, he said "Oh, it's not as if it's important or anything. Thousands of people dying. Possible nuclear war. The kids need to see things like this. But yeah let's just watch a quiz instead. Jesus."
I know I've asked this before in relation to what to allow kids to see on the news, but again, am I just being too sensitive in trying to protect them a bit?

My dad banned newspapers in the house back in the 80's after I questioned something on the front page!

As a result I'm always news hungry and if we had had internet back then I'd have been on it googling!

It’s very hard for children to filter and weigh up what they see. YANBU although many people will soon be along to tell you that you are. If your older DC is interested or questioning, maybe allow them to watch the news with you once younger DC is in bed.

We had a major event in my country when I was 10 which meant we could have informative newspapers...I started reading about 4-5 newspapers then and continued for most of my teenagerhood!
It definitely was good for me

I think it would be better to keep the news on and use it as an opportunity to have discussion about the topics that come up. Your 14 year old in particular needs it. This will help your children rationalise it much better. I also agree with your DH. This is important, real world stuff. We can't cocoon children from it forever.

My parents insisted on watching/listening to the news even if we were in the room. I understand in those days the news was on at certain times, but there was no encouragement to leave. In fact my Mum had a rule we could stay up till 9.30 but we had to listen quietly to the news at 9 (I was at primary school.) I was an anxious and often terrified by what I saw. I would then be told to “not worry about these things”.

Yes there is social media/internet so children are more aware, but I have a 10 year old and switch off. I’ve told him if he wants to discuss anything we can.

Irrespective of your children you didn’t want to hear it. Again I understand that. Your DH should have just gone in another room, watched on a device.

I think it depends on your children. If they have a tendency towards anxiety etc how much interest they have in what is going on. I certainly think it's good for children to know what is happening but it needs to be geared to the individual child. My kids are younger, so 9 and 4, the 9 yr old knows what is happening, the 4 yr old not. I don't have the news on while she is awake tbh as I know it would upset her too much. Right now prefer I her to get her info via news round which is aimed at kids her age.

I think it depends on the age of your kids. I'm not showing my kids the news at the moment but they are much younger than yours (7 & 5). Your 10 year old is on the borderline I'd say for some of thew news on TV, but the 14 year old is old enough to watch the news, and arguably should be at an age that they need to understand what is going on in the world, although I think it's good for you to be on hand to answer questions.

I discuss the news with my children but we don't watch it. Not most things but big stuff they might hear about elsewhere like Covid and Ukraine. They're little at the moment but I can see it's a difficult balance to find between hearing all the awful things happening in the world every day and being well informed about current events. I don't think most adults necessarily have found a happy medium as the news is frequently horrible atm with murders of women, increasing prices, war and the pandemic.

The style of 24 hour news isn’t healthy for adults either IMO. I would put the news on once in the evening and let them choose whether they want to watch it.
They will hear about it from other kids anyway so no harm in them hearing it at home when they can ask you questions.

I grew up getting ready for school watching the news and I do the same with my kids.
My eldest is very interested in charities and how he can help other children since the coverage evacuation of Afghanistan last year.
They understand covid and why things were closed down because we watch he news & the press meetings etc, I think some things they don't need to know like the Epstein/Maxwell trials they're to young to hear so if that would come on while they were in earshot I'd pause and distract them to move onto something else.
News is just a part of my life though I vividly remember being sick at home one day and band came across the screen of the 9/11 Terror attack and everything that unfolded from then and I think from that day I've just always been a news & politics person.

What about watching the CBBC's newsround?

Thank you for all your comments. Yes, we are a very news-y house, and therefore both kids are interested in news, politics, history etc but I think this is just so scary I don't want them to hear too much about it. But having seen how badly Ukraine has been affected so far, they both donated quite a chunk of their Christmas money to the DEC appeal last night, and they know they can at least help that way. It's just the way DH reinforced exactly what I was worried about them hearing that I was more upset about. Also, I wish my parents hadn't let me see Threads when I was so young....... 😬

I’ve definitely seen expert opinions that say not to have the 24 hour news channels on with kids in the room. I’m not sure on the more traditional local news broadcasts. I actually like listening to news on the radio with kids because the lack of images makes things a bit easier. They still hear the horror, but they don’t see it and we always discuss so they get context and follow up. Once kids are school age they are going to hear the major headlines both world and local so I think it’s best to get ahead of it and explain them yourself.

I have never censored the news for my kids. I think it's really important that they understand the world around them and that they can talk to us about what they're hearing on the radio, reading on the internet and hearing about from friends at school. You can't really control the last two so it's better to get ahead of it and use it as a basis for dinner time discussion than it is to pretend it's not happening and let someone else's crackpot theories dominate the narrative.

Critical analysis of "news" is a key life skill and it needs to start early.

But then, we don't have rolling 24hr TV news on - which I do think is anxiety inducing. Not because it's "banned", just because we're rarely in the room where the TV is.

I honestly thought, when I saw the title of this, that you were going to say your kids were much younger than they are.

I think most 10-year-olds should be able to watch the news, particularly at 6pm - if there were particularly gory or distressing images then perhaps I'd turn it off. My niece has just turned 10 and I know my brother turned off the news when it was covering a horrific child cruelty trial because he didn't want her to hear the full details, for example. But general news coverage of the war I would say is usually OK. and I think that includes talk of the nuclear threat etc. Ultimately though, it's your call - you know your 10-year-old, and you know what their level of sensitivity and understanding is.

I think it would be really a bit odd for a 14-year-old to be shielded from current events at all, though. Teenagers cover things like the Holocaust and Hiroshima in history lessons at school and I think a 14-year-old probably should know what's going in on the world.

However ... all that said, I think your DH was being a complete tit in the way that he handled it. Setting the kids aside - it sounds as if you were finding the coverage upsetting and wanted a bit of a mental health break from it all yourself, and that's OK. You're clearly aware of what's going on, and you clearly care about it; it's not like you're pretending it's not happening. You just wanted some respite, and I think you're entitled to that. Particularly as there are several news bulletins on terrestrial telly every day, plus any number of rolling news channels as well, and the internet. It's not your DH was being deprived of the news just because you wanted to clear your mind for half an hour.

But having seen how badly Ukraine has been affected so far, they both donated quite a chunk of their Christmas money to the DEC appeal last night, and they know they can at least help that way.

Your kids sound lovely

I think watching the news together once a day and talking about things would be a much better approach to ensure they aren’t left with questions.

I don't think TV news is great for anyone really, and I don't think kids need to hear speculation about nuclear war or salacious details about parents raping or murdering babies. I don't have news radio on either.

Mine do watch Newsround though and we get The Week Junior, and discuss current affairs.

young children maybe - but 14?
I was about 14 when I started doing exchange holidays in France - truly embarrassing about their knowledge of and ability to discuss world affairs, politics compared to mine.

An enduring memory is that one occasion I was there Jean Paul Satre died - they were usually quite diplomatic about my lack of awareness, but astounded I had no clue who he was. (and I was 18 by then )

14 though? Surely they will have done Nazi Germany at school by then? Maybe even Hiroshima if they're doing Modern World. I think letting them see the news and answering any questions they might have is a good thing. The DC know there is something happening - they could be terrified of war or getting nuked for all you know -so now is the time for factual reassurance. It is also an opportunity to discuss critical thinking, even if it's simply saying 'Well sometimes the papers print things that aren't true so we shouldn't always take their word for it'.

DD is 14 and they discuss the news in school, she was very aware of the invasion and her history teacher picked it up as well to draw comparision to WWII they just do as topic.

I think it is unfortunately too important not to let them listen to it. The 6pm news are normally quite low impact and with 10/14 they are a bit too old for newsround.

DD reads the Guardian, she had the news alerts set up as well but stopped during lockdown as her anxiety hit the roof but still drops in and out of the app when she fancies. She grew up with Radio 4 on most days as well.

I grew up with daily newspapers at breakfast table which I was encouraged to read and daily news at set times. I never thought to restrict access for DD.

I have not rtft but I remember the Bosnian conflict ( 92-95) I would have been preschool age, and the Rwandan genocide circa a similar era. My folks only had the breakfast and 6 o clock news on but I remember seeing those images nearly 30 years later. So I'm keeping the news off, in front of the kids

I don't like your OH's sarcastic and disrespectful attitude - I would think the children are at as much risk from that as the threat of nuclear war: one is a part of their upbringing, the other will not, if we are lucky, happen.

I share your concern about the current nature of the news and I think it would make sense to vet it a bit; and to provide the children with opportunities to discuss it so that you can provide some balance. It is of course a very serious situation but we all have to find ways of dealing with this, especially as we know that the media are not always trustworthy when it comes to balance. Some adults choose to worry themselves sick; others to get on with their lives as best they can in the face of this dreadful violence, knowing full well that they have no sway with a powerful psychopath.

Yes my eldest had done a lot on past history of wars at school, of course, which I think makes it even more terrifying that the horrors of war and what might come are not consigned to history, it's here now!!! That's what is so scary for me. You learn about these things as if they are far in the past, and thank god those days are gone, yet we are right back in it. I had a bit of a cry in the kitchen at work this morning entirely because the unthinkable is very much a possibility now. I just find it hard not to react emotionally to all of this, and maybe the point is that if I am watching the news and get upset, this will affect the kids. It's the massive reality of it all. Obviously so much more immediate for those caught up in Ukraine and surrounding areas right now, but the fact it could all spread so quickly, it just really saddens me. I hate the fact these kids are growing up with so much to deal with. Sorry all, soft as clarts me, but that's just how I am x

They will have heard stuff at school, either measured things like Newsround or less measured playground chat. As long as you can put what they see in context and it's not as alarming as Threads that is.
Watching Threads at 7 would be wildly inappropriate.