When making new fiends - AIBU to not want to be too much ?

[bullbyh]

Making new friends is hard.

I've moved to a new area, met a few mums at the playground and also online through an app of mums who are also looking for mum friends.

I'm always quite keen to reach out and suggest a play date or coffee or something. The mums never seem to go through with it. Making plans and then cancelling on the day, because they're not well or something has come up.

I am always polite and say, not to worry and hope to rearrange soon.

It's then completely up to THEM to suggest the next meet up, right ? If I suggested the first one and they then cancelled last minute ? This is how I operate in life, but it occurred to me today that maybe I'm being unreasonable and that if I want to meet up again, I should just suggest it ? I've always had this pride thing, that I won't beg anyone to be friends with me and I expect them to also show me they want to be my friend, or I'll leave it be. Not having much luck with that right now...

I’d try more than once and then give up after a couple of gos if it’s clear they’re not going take you up. Don’t take it personally

@Movingonup22

I’d try more than once and then give up after a couple of gos if it’s clear they’re not going take you up. Don’t take it personally

I suppose trying once more wouldn't be so bad

Give it another go, good luck!

Maybe they really are fiends…

Yeah, I'd go for more than once too. It's kind of 'black and white' thinking to not give it a second chance IYSWIM? Stuff comes up etc.
I know how you feel though. We didn't have apps in my day, and I honestly think it was no bad thing. You had to eyeball someone physically at a playgroup and it was fairly obvious if you might click. The kids often gave you an 'in' for conversation as they interacted naturally.

Thanks ladies ! It's not easy ! Even in the playground at playgroups it can be so awkward.

The positive thing about the apps is that it's supposed to be women looking for connections too, so it should make it easier.

I will just keep trying.

Yes it is hard but definitely try again. But make sure you have something in common other than just having kids the same age. Then give it another go.

maybe if you arrange something that is more than one person. Like send a message saying youre taking the kids to the park on this day and will be bringing a picnic and if anyone else fancies coming along please do, as well as inviting them individually. No harm in telling them youre new to the area so trying to reach out a bit to socialise.

Have you thought about inviting a few people over at once? Maybe there would be less pressure if it wasn’t one-on-one.

I’m very proactive about friendship and I say this kindly but you are looking for new friends ( which is great) but they aren’t. So rescheduling a play date is going to fall off their to do list quite easily.

So yes, carry on reaching out and some of them will come through. Once you’ve made a couple of friends you’ll gradually meet more people via them.

Good luck.

We post-clashed, @Branleuse

@MatildaTheCat

I’m very proactive about friendship and I say this kindly but you are looking for new friends ( which is great) but they aren’t. So rescheduling a play date is going to fall off their to do list quite easily.

So yes, carry on reaching out and some of them will come through. Once you’ve made a couple of friends you’ll gradually meet more people via them.

Good luck.

Why are they on an app then which states that that's why they're on the app? To look for new friends. Haha..