Mils 70th

[Ellaraine]

Will try and keep this short. It's mils 70th in a couple of weeks. Fil has arranged a surprise meal for her. My DH siblings and their families are going. No extended family.

The thing is I don't like my mil or DH family. I had an OK relationship with them years ago but over the years our relationships have deteriorated.

I really don't enjoy their company. They have been quite nasty to me in the past. I always feel like I'm being watched, anything I say is pounced on and turned into something it's not. On the other hand if I say anything about comments they make I'm told I'm over reacting and it wasn't meant that way.

It was my 40th last year and not one text of any if them which I wasn't surprised at.

So how do I get out of the meal. DH is a people pleaser and he would like me to go. I just couldn't be arsed though.. Should my DH be honest with his mother and father or just come up with an excuse because either way I'm the bad guy.

I haven't attended the last couple of family gatherings including Christmas.

You tell DH you won't be there. He doesn't need to get into any dispute/argument with his family about it beforehand, just arrive alone and say that Ellaraine has a fever/ is a bit under the weather so decided to stay home. His family will be as pleased as you are so he's doing the right thing for everyone.

Why would you go when you get treated like shit? Your DH shouldn't want to put you in that situation. His guilt is not your problem.

Definitely don't go to something where the birthday person has you blocked on WhatsApp.

You're not liked or wanted, and it would be very unreasonable of them to expect your presence when they don't even talk to you.

Enjoy a lovely day doing something for you instead.

I really don't think, as long as OP is not in harms way and her husband is not being swayed by or having to listen to his wife being insulted and bad mouthed. That there is anything wrong in the DH attending his mothers birthday. They are his family.

OP however has no reason to go and I have no idea why people are even suggestion she go and put up with being insulted and ostracised 'for a few hours' why?

Gosh no OP I wouldn't go either. DH can go and endure it. There's no need for you to be there.

She still has me blocked.

Oooh!

I would have to go. New frock. New hair. Huge smile. Living My Best Life Despite Her.

I wouldn’t be going and I would be telling them why, disrespect from them, blocked on WhatsApp, ignored on a special birthday, whyshould I spend time with people who so obviously dislike me

DH can go on his own if he wants

I would as your DH if he REALLY expects you to go given their previous treatment and obvious contempt for you.
You haven't said whether the kids are invited but I'd be keeping them well away too.

@TottersBlankly

She still has me blocked.

Oooh!

I would have to go. New frock. New hair. Huge smile. Living My Best Life Despite Her.

I'm with Totters.

I wouldn't even reply. DH can take a 70th card that he signs from you all and he can pick a present, it's his mum.

Let DH go alone. If that was my parents being horrible to DH I'd want to protect him and understand why he wouldn't want to go.

If they moan that you aren't there, then DH can quietly respond "well you're never nice to Ellaraine, why would she come? You don't want her here and would be mean to her again"

Meh

I bet DH goes for the meal and uses an excuse to leave as soon as cake is done/ desert menus come out.

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't waste my time or energy worrying about it or them. Don't ever put yourself in a situation that you are uncomfortable with. If your dh feels that he should go then so be it. He sounds like he supports you in relation to them and if his mum is unwell it's best he goes so he has no regrets. I would definitely try to spend the day with people who appreciate you and enjoy your company