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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU Friend not to bring partner

31 replies

Henrietta75 · 03/03/2022 21:46

So I have friend A who is the same age and friend B who is 15 years younger. We all get on really well but I have seen more of friend A as we used to live near each other. I moved closer to friend B but still see friend A more as friend B is very busy. Caught up with friend B recently and all good.
Friend A and me have this ‘time alone’ in the pub on a Sunday lunchtime, once a month, no kids, no partners, just us shooting the breeze talking about work and putting the world to rights.
When friend B came over I invited them to join us the upcoming Sunday but they hinted they wanted to bring their partner. I hinted back it’s our time alone but they haven’t got the message / ignored it. I have nothing against their partner but I feel put out that they’re joined at the hip and can’t be separated for a couple of hours. Am I being unreasonable thinking like this?

OP posts:
SamphiretheStickerist · 04/03/2022 09:54

Why offer a future time?

Just say it clearly. This date is partner free, take it or leave it.

Boood · 04/03/2022 09:59

The 3 of us all worked together once so Friend A wouldn’t have a problem me asking B and they get on well.

She may well still be annoyed that you didn’t bother checking with her first. Especially if you’ve been too much of a wuss to make it clear that the partner isn’t invited.
Your best chance of salvaging this is to reschedule the three-person meet-up to another day as a one-off and either tell B she can’t bring her partner, or invite A’s and your own as well. Either way, leave your regular catch-up with A alone.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/03/2022 10:00

You were very wrong not to run this by A first, and you're being ridiculous by not being direct with B. You're an adult, be clear, FGS.

Henrietta75 · 04/03/2022 15:36

Last months meet-up we both mentioned asking B to come see how they’re doing. Not a problem.

I’ve rung B and said now it’s a girls only meet up, we’re leaving partners at home. They replied ok, I’ll let you know.

OP posts:
Lookingforphev · 04/03/2022 15:43

@Henrietta75

Last months meet-up we both mentioned asking B to come see how they’re doing. Not a problem.

I’ve rung B and said now it’s a girls only meet up, we’re leaving partners at home. They replied ok, I’ll let you know.

Ah so now did they did know? Hmm
Sparticuscaticus · 04/03/2022 15:52

You made this into more than it needed to be OP

Next time just be clear. "You are welcome to join us, it's us 3 only . "

No need to panic and imagine scenarios where friends become offended over a misunderstanding

It's be a poor friend who insisted on bringing their male partner as an odd one out, to a girls only evening of close friends and there's plenty strategies to deal with that!

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