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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does anyone else feel sad/anxious during what's meant to be the happiest time of their life?

10 replies

regjamesanddemons · 03/03/2022 21:43

I have always had anxiety and on and off low mood. I have always had low self esteem, a very shy, awkward and timid person. I can go a few weeks of confidence spurts and no anxiety and then go through months of anxiety where I panic in shops or dread going into my work. In spite of this, its never really stopped me from doing anything, for instance I've never taken time off sick for it. I've always just powered through thinking it would go away but it hasn't. I put this down to my childhood which was filled with various types of trauma which I have really never worked through if I'm honest.

For the past five years I have been working incredibly hard in my career in order to reach a certain job role. All my hard work the past five years has been geared towards this job role, it's my end goal and I am happy to settle in this job for the rest of my working life. I have went through a vigorous application/interview process for the past 3 months. Soooo much stress like I've never experienced and I doubted myself at every stage. To my surprise I got the job.

I having been waiting for this day for five years thinking all the stress will be worth it, if you get the job you've made it (to where I want to be) and you can relax and celebrate. I have 6 months before I start the job role, 6 months of completely spare time to spend with my daughter.

However, when I found out the news I was buzzing for around 2 hours and ever since then I have this god awful pit in my stomach I cannot shift. It's almost worse than the stress during the application process. I keep worrying that they will realise they've made a mistake and take back the job offer. I then think if that doesn't happen then I know there is lots of meetings which will include me speaking out in front of people and doing presentations every few months and deciding suddenly that I won't be able to do that (even though I've always known it's part of the job role and although it makes me nervous I thought I'll be okay, I'll get used to it). Now I'm thinking oh my god, what if I don't get use to it? What if I have a panic attack? What if I hate it so much? What if I start and am absolutely shit?

I know rationally it's normal to be nervous and I've done presentations etc and it is nerve wracking but I've always got through it so I just keep telling myself that.

I just feel so deflated. I have looked forward to this moment for ages and it's here and I just can't enjoy it. Even when I talk myself round I still just have that pit.

I eat sporadically and when I do it's shit junk food, hardly any vegetables, I do no exercise, take no vitamins. I am on the lowest dose of fluoxetine. My mum suggested taking these 6 months to start regulating my eating, eating healthy, going long walks, taking vitamins and upping my anti depressant.

Do you think that will work? I'm so worried that it won't and then there's nothing else to do.

Has anyone else felt this way during what's meant to be a really good time?

I have a big birthday in the summer that I couldn't wait for, this now evokes no emotion when I think about it. I'm so sad I feel like happy moments are being stolen.

OP posts:
Keepitonthedownlow · 03/03/2022 21:49

Aw you sound a lot like me OP! I just want to say well done on all your hard work and effort and that it is paid off. I'm sure it's just nerves kicking in but that's normal as your brain's way of preparing for the next challenge. Whatever you're going to do in your next role will seem daunting at first but eventually you'll get used to it. If you're really concerned about public Speaking, have you considered beta blockers? You are really inspiring Flowers

Loopytiles · 03/03/2022 21:50

The situation you describe - whilst great workwise, good for you! - sounds like it has elements of stress.

Also like you put yourself under a lot of pressure.

I have an underlying mental health issue and find job moves challenging, flares things up a bit.

I do all the boring self help stuff (no alcohol, sleep, exercise, food) and it’s sometimes not enough!

regjamesanddemons · 03/03/2022 21:53

@Loopytiles

The situation you describe - whilst great workwise, good for you! - sounds like it has elements of stress.

Also like you put yourself under a lot of pressure.

I have an underlying mental health issue and find job moves challenging, flares things up a bit.

I do all the boring self help stuff (no alcohol, sleep, exercise, food) and it’s sometimes not enough!

I do put far too much pressure on myself, my mum was just saying this to me today. I always worry about disappointing others and she said really the only one you could ever disappoint is yourself as we are all here to support you and know you are working hard. However, it doesn't help because I don't know how to take the pressure off of myself. I just don't know how to mentally do that.
OP posts:
LightBulbous · 03/03/2022 21:53

It’s imposter syndrome. Far too common in us women. Also that strange time when you’ve put all your planned happiness eggs in one basket. You’re now holding the basket and scared you’ll drop it.

It’s the emotional crash after the years of goal seeking. Us humans are strange like this.

Give it time, focus on looking after yourself and know that this feeling too shall pass.

Wizaway · 03/03/2022 21:54

Look up imposter syndrome quite often our biggest enemy to our own happiness is our own self doubt. There's lots of self help books around the subject but if you're good enough to get though the interview process rest assured they like you and your talents!

regjamesanddemons · 03/03/2022 22:06

Thanks all! Smile just having a look about for some self help books to make my way through the next 6 months.

OP posts:
regjamesanddemons · 03/03/2022 22:38

@Keepitonthedownlow

Aw you sound a lot like me OP! I just want to say well done on all your hard work and effort and that it is paid off. I'm sure it's just nerves kicking in but that's normal as your brain's way of preparing for the next challenge. Whatever you're going to do in your next role will seem daunting at first but eventually you'll get used to it. If you're really concerned about public Speaking, have you considered beta blockers? You are really inspiring Flowers
Aww thank you so much! How kind, I don't feel like it but thank you Smile
OP posts:
Keepitonthedownlow · 03/03/2022 22:41

You're welcome! Also just remember, it's just a job, if that makes sense. Don't let your anxious brain make it out to be something you can't do when you clearly can. Enjoy the next few months with your daughter Flowers

Clae · 04/03/2022 07:38

If you can afford it, I’d seek out counselling - a good counsellor can help you learn to self-regulate and also explore what’s at the root of your anxiety. This is a good place to start:

www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

If finances are tight, google low-cost counselling in your town or area to see what’s available. Or low-cost online counselling but check the counsellor is registered with a regulatory body (BACP or NCS).

Lostinafjord · 04/03/2022 07:49

Could you discuss changing your antidepressant with your GP? To one that has more impact on anxiety?

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