How do I help this friend?

30 replies

Benjoir · 03/03/2022 21:29

I have a friend who I met in work a year ago. She moved to 2 separate new countries in the past 6 months, and both times has been miserable and depressed.

I've always been on the other end of the phone to listen to her problems when she needs me. For months now it's been the same thing over and over and over again. She's depressed about her lack of career opportunities, about not having found a boyfriend, about the accommodations she has lived in.

I've mentioned several times that she needs to go to her GP and seek a bit of help for her low mood, but she won't because she doesn't believe in anti depressants, and insists she just needs a good job etc. to come through her depression.

I'm just getting tired of having to listen to the same thing over and over again, and nothing ever changes and it seems that she doesn't want to help herself.

How do I help her? I'm wondering if it's time for me to back away from her because it feels as though I'm just her agony aunt, rather than a friend and I'm fed up. But I'm worried that that would be cruel?

OP posts:

Robin233 · 04/03/2022 13:42

@Benjoir
have, but the response I'm met with is that it costs too much privately - which is true, and that the GP can only offer 4-6 sessions of CBT.

^^^
Sometimes that's all that's needed - ok so I had 7 sessions
Best thing I ever did.

Original poster

Benjoir · 05/03/2022 08:45

Thanks guys, all of your responses are really helpful.

It's also very frustrating that she only cares about what's going on with her. My aunt died last week and I found out my best friends husband has cancer. It was a lot in the space of 2 days, but this "friend" didn't say anything about it, and just carried on talking about her problems.

OP posts:

Original poster

Benjoir · 05/03/2022 08:49

Wow

The more I write, the more I realise what a mug I am. This isn't a friendship at all....

OP posts:

ThatsNotMyGolem · 05/03/2022 08:52

Oh, god just sack her off. People like this NEVER change, and are a drain. Absolute waste of time and energy for the poor schmucks they latch onto.

Sparticuscaticus · 05/03/2022 11:10

@Benjoir

Thanks guys, all of your responses are really helpful.

Well, that tells you a whole heap of information about your friend. It's a one way street. She considers you her support and wants you to do therapy type support to her, but doesn't see it as her role to be a support to you as her friend.

I think you are right to go LC and to nip conversations in the bud. Lots of us have suggested how to do that and that we would do that. I hope you have the confidence to be clear and quietly assertive.

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