Hello, this is my first thread on AIBU. I’m sorry if it’s a bit incoherent. My emotions are all over the place at the moment.
I have lived with my partner for just over two years now. I moved into his house. He has a grown up DS 22 whose GF moved in with us last September a couple of weeks after they met so she was a total stranger coming into the house. There was talk along the lines of “we will be able to save enough by Christmas to get a place of our own” by partner’s DS. So, the idea was that DS’s GF living with us was to be a short-ish term arrangement.
I am struggling with having her here. She creates extra mess and inconvenience. They are both quite lazy. I won’t list stuff but one more person in the house does create extra work. The DS and gf buy their own food and wash up a bit after themselves but that’s all they do. They hoard dirty cups, plates etc in their room until we run out downstairs! Typical young person behaviour some might say but it’s like I’ve been given an extra grown up kid to look after who I haven’t got time for.
I can’t get along with her, personality wise, although I’m always civil. I think the DS and GF feel that I’m cold towards them. Maybe I am. With them living together as a couple here, the dynamic of the household has changed and I feel uncomfortable here now. It’s hard to cope with as it felt like my home.
My partner owns this house outright. I pay half of all bills. He wants to help his son out of course and I think that’s only right. But, I don’t know how long this living situation is going to continue for. Sometimes I’m ok and sometimes I feel really ill about it all. I think it’s the not knowing how long it’s going to continue for that gets me down. And it’s the feeling of not knowing where I stand in this household.
My two DS live here too. One is an adult, 22, the other has just turned 16. It’s going to be hard for me to move us all if it comes to that. I love my partner and we’ve always been happy in the 7 years we’ve been together, but feel like I want out of here. I feel like I’ve got no say in the matter of the GF living here as it’s not my house and partner’s DS is not my son. I feel like I can’t tell my partner about this because then I’ll be the one who is causing a problem for his son. Partner does know that the GF living here bothers me but I don’t often talk about it with him.
I and my children lived with my parents for some years when my circumstances were not good so I know how important parental support is. I would want to support my sons as much as possible. This makes me feel conflicted about the whole situation.
It’s a tricky situation for me. I’d be really grateful to receive any advice and thanks very much if you read this far!