I just want to preface that I don't want to brag or gloat, so I'm really sorry if this thread comes across this way. I'm also sorry if this reads as really insensitive to people who are going through hardships right now.
Basically, I often have a feeling that I've been too lucky. Miraculously I have managed to avoid a lot of catastrophe's in life. Whilst I feel incredibly grateful that I have dodged various bullets, I can't help but feel that now I've built up a bit of a cosmic "debt" and that terrible things will happen to me and my family. (Sorry I know that sounds crazy).
For example. One of my biggest fears is losing a loved one. Many of my family are elderly or have health conditions making them quite vulnerable. When COVID came I was stuck in another part of the UK and was convinced that I wouldn't see them again. I got to see my family again and I am so thankful.
I also grew up in quite a poor, working class family. We didn't go on holidays, I rarely had clothes that fit properly and couldn't do any afterschool clubs or visit friends as my parents wouldn't collect me.
I did well in school but have floundered in my career compared to my friends from a more middle-class background.
Despite this I managed to buy a house in a nice area. I can eat out anytime I want and I've travelled all over the world. I just feel that I've been lucky, perhaps too lucky. I feel that it isn't deserved and someone or something is going to come along and steal everything back and I'll be put back to "where I belong".
I look at what is happening in Ukraine, or even look at the poverty that some of my family still find themselves in and I can't help but feel that I don't deserve being where I am.
I guess AIBU to feel this way? Does anyone else feel like this? How can I stop the constant worry about my life shattering around me into a gazillion pieces and going back to being a lonely isolated child in poorly fitting clothes.