To ask to join a friendship group chat?

[Lampyshady]

I’m quite shy/socially anxious and have been working in a job for about 6 months. I get on ok with a group of colleagues, but they are all close friends now (we started at the same time) and they have a group chat where they organise social occasions which I’m not part of so I frequently don’t know about/am not invited to social events. I’d like to be more involved, and they seem to welcome me when i do join on the rare occasion something is organised in person in front of me. There’s a couple of group members I’m a bit closer to, not that close though but have messaged them before/shared lifts etc. they all went for dinner last night and I missed out and it really upset me. I’m thinking of messaging one of the group members I know best and asking outright if there’s a group chat where they organise events and could I be added as I’d like to be more involved?
How should I word this? Is this an acceptable thing to do or will I make this person uncomfortable/is it rude to invite yourself into a friendship groups chat/will they feel uncomfortable having a bit of an outsider on there? I’ve tried to chat more to them in person and naturally be involved in events but it’s hard when we don’t all work the same days/wfh. I moved to a new city for this job and don’t know many other people.
So should I message and ask to be added to the chat?

No, but they could say that the reason is they are all sharing something specific to them, that is personal, and not relevant to her.

Otherwise it would be really unpleasant, wouldn't it? Basically saying 'you can't be in our gang'

@GandTfortea

I’m in a group chat ,for the past 3 years We set it up because we were in identical situations home life wise ,so quite unique situations,anyway ,one woman continually asked to join ,and we had to say no ,as she wasn’t in the same situation and we didn’t want anyone knowing about our situations .. So very very awkward,but she wouldn’t take know for an answer ,difficult woman

Yeah but you could create a group with her included for general chat whilst keeping the other one private. I’ve been in lots of groups with overlapping people but some fizzle out

Plan an event and say, "Shall I create a group whatsapp?" Hopefully they'll say no and they'll invite you into yours.

I'm in a group chat that formed last year from antenatal class. I suggested getting together and only a couple of people replied but nothing was confirmed. I have messaged twice more and now taken the hint. It's a bit of a minefield for me! At least you'll know where you stand if no one wants to go out for something you organise.

The most you can really do is say something like “Oh, looks like it was fun at X the other night - I’ve been meaning to check it out as I’ve heard good things. Let me know next time you’re planning something - I’m trying to get to know the city a bit more now things are opening up.” If it is an oversight they’ll add you or let you know who to contact to be added. Usually this stuff isn’t deliberate but it is an awkward thing if no one proactively offers to add you.

I agree that the planning a cinema trip or whatever is a pretty low stakes way to get something off the ground - I’d look for an opportunity for that, or just a ‘I was thinking it would be great to do a team lunch or drinks next time everyone’s in at the same time’.

I wouldn't outright ask to join the group chat as it's then a bit uncomfortable if they didn't want you to for whatever reason but felt they couldn't say no.

Why don't you arrange a night out/dinner and invite them all? - mention making a group chat to finalise plans and then perhaps they'll say to you that they have one and will add you in.

Invite them all to something that you organise. Make a group chat with them all to organise it

I think that's the best advise

Hi, OP - did this work out for you in the end? I'm having a similar dilemma atm. Two close friends (from uni, all early 20s) have a group chat with two of their mates I'm not as close to but share a mutual enjoyment of company when I am around them. Wanted to ask if I could join but not so sure after reading this thread, even though they're really chill people