Do you have 'I can't cope' days as a parent

[abeanbaked]

I'm having one of those 'I can't cope like this' days. I get them some times, when it's all just too much. Ordinarily I manage fine day to day, then something will happen like yesterday my dog slipped her lead and ran away from me, it took ages to get her back. Now realising I have a bigger training issue on my hands than I thought, DS not sleeping or napping well, husband working full time, me going back to work soon, I have gotten help with the dog issue but it's a lot of £££ and time when you have a full on life anyway. I do a gym class in the evenings 2-3x a week, fitting it all in is overwhelming me and I feel completely bogged down by the volume of shit I have going on. Tomorrow is a new day and I will probably be fine but fucking hell today it's hard. Anyone else?

Exactly how I felt today OP
18m sleep regression. Teething.
DH doing extra work meaning I'm home alone for 3 weekends straight (feeling guilty for not wanting to be home more alone with DD, sometimes I'd rather be at work as much as I love her I enjoy working too and not feeling like a human trampoline)
Missed both my gym classes due to traffic/meetings running over and ended up binging on shit, inevitably feel more shit
Plus rubbish grey skies

I've a lot to feel grateful for in life (don't most of us) but today has just been a day to be done with!

@AngeloMysterioso that sounds incredibly hard and exhausting to be dealing with so much

Mine are grown up now, but yes I had lots of those days when they were little. Everyone does.

Tend to have can't cope nights. Everything feels worse in night and at least in the day you have the possibility of getting some rest

Yes. Most weeks I have at least one 'I can't cope' meltdown!

Fridaysgirl17 keep at it, it gets easier. I've been a single mum for 5 years now and it's hard work but it does become easier in that you just get uses to it, if that makes sense. My kids haven't seen there dad in over 2 years.

But re the thread, yes OP absolutely! I feel overwhelmed often! I have an asd son with learning disabilities and it can be so hard dealing with his behaviour and meltdowns I'm his emotional punchbag. My older son is very sensitive and misses his daddy (deadbeat dad) so he's very clingy/emotional. I try my best. Some days I'm shit, other days I'm fab! Tbh I'm proud of myself because it's bloody hard but I always try to be kind to myself.

You are my kind of people!

I get at least 2 FML days per week regularly and many more moments when just everything, bloody everything is going wrong and/or it feels overwhelming. I hate this feeling. DS whining, my dog being a PITA, something wrong with the house, cats are a menace, my DH's new job is just one hell of a mess, there's always stuff to do and it never ends...and those annoying little things that happen every bloody day since I've been a parent, nothing is ever as easy as it was before. And all of this really hits me on my FML days.

Glad to see I'm not alone.

Any wisdom on how to deal with them will be much appreciated. DS is 7 mo so I'm still fairly new to this parenting and juggling life as a parent thing.

Yes, some days I think I'm doing a phenomenal job and I am so connected to my daughter. Other days I feel like a shit mum, who is grumpy and shouty and so disconnected. However I know mine is due to external stress but being a parent is a 24/7 job, and we can't all feel good and happy and on the ball 24/7 so we must forgive ourselves in the times where we are being below par as we are human and our kids will survive.

Could you book yourself in to a hotel one weekend? Husband have the kids? Hotel for two nights, laying around watching tv, reading, long baths, eating amazing food, drinking wine and sleeping. I bet you'd feel refreshed for months after that. However I know that's not doable for many people to just take off to a hotel, but that would be my go to if I had the money.

Most days at the moment

Yes, every day for 2 years.

@AngeloMysterioso I am so sorry to hear that, this sounds awful. All of these things at the same time would break anybody. I hope you manage to get things organised and your toddler gets over the sickness bug quickly! It's terrible when they're unwell and the washing, spewing and poo-ing are constants. Hugs.

@PurplePansy05 in all honesty, we had a very cocomelon day yesterday, DS likes it and he sits still for a minute so I can make his meals etc. Probably terrible parenting advice but it's better than him terrorising the dog or eating out of the log basket.

@AngeloMysterioso

I’ve just had, if not a day, a moment.

I’ve got a 2 year old at the bottom of very long waiting lists for asd assessment and speech & language therapy.

I’ve got a 12 week old who just does not stop screaming and won’t be put down.

My mum was found dead at home 2 and a half weeks ago and I’m single handedly dealing with all the organisational shit that ensues, including trying to arrange a public health funeral because DH and I are barely getting by each month, and she preferred to spend her time and money buying shit on qvc than on frivolities like life insurance or a funeral plan. Extremely distressing.

Then late last night the 2 year old came down with a sickness bug ( just as I was putting the finishing touches on a handmade outfit for world book day). Had to run him a bath, strip his bed and remake it etc. Put him back to bed and he promptly threw up again. He eventually ended up sleeping with dh next to him on the bedroom floor. Just as I’ve finished dealing with that the baby wakes for a feed, then has a huge leaky shit and takes an age to fall asleep after I’ve changed him so I can put him in his crib. I eventually get to sleep sometime after 3, baby wakes for a feed again at half 6 then toddler wakes me at 9. Spend a good hour of my morning picking bits of regurgitated food and scrunching vomit stains off toddler’s bedding and pjs.

We don’t get our toddler free day as he can’t go to childminders after being sick. DH drops me at the train station to take baby to osteopath, on the way there toddler vomits in the car and on the way home DH gets a flat tyre.

Baby spends a large portion of the journey home from osteopath howling. Get home, make toddler his dinner, make his bed as best as I can given that half the stuff isn’t dry yet, get him ready, give him his bottle. The instant I put him down in his cot bed he’s sick again. Whilst I’m trying to re-re-remake the bed, he falls asleep on his bedroom floor still in his pukey pyjamas using his cuddly as a pillow.

It’s at this point that I decide I’ve had as much as I can take.

This was us twice at the end of last year (bar the funeral arrangements, I am sorry for your loss). Halloween literally looked like we had ghosts in the house as there was so many sheets hanging drying and we had to buy additional bedding as the sickness bug was passed to my infant and every bit of bedding including the duvet was stinking of puke.

We are still here so a bonus that life exists beyond madness.

@abeanbaked I was super strict with no screen time on a daily basis, only occasionally and for a short time. But yesterday I left him in his high chair watching sensory videos for half hr and it was a godsend.

My struggle is 90% due to my MH struggle now post baby loss and due to significant external stress. So am waiting for therapy which will hopefully ease this off. But of course still need tips for the here and now and forever, really. Parenting isn't easy. What you all wrote makes me think that part of the reason is that we set out with very high expectations of ourselves that are impossible to meet and then we get frustrated and feel inadequate or think we're rubbish parents at times. Maybe shifting that frame of mind would help as we'd be more realistic, forgiving and feel less guilty for not always meeting our own perfect vision. In turn, everyone would just be happier (easier said than done, I know).

@PurplePansy05 I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be really hard. I watched a programme recently where someone described parenting as a 'crushing responsibility' and I feel like that most days. A mixture of love, guilt, happiness and then sometimes fear that my house and life may be a complete mess forever. It's difficult juggling everything. I'm really worried about going back to work!