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Lost my dad 14 months ago, how do I help my mum

1 reply

Stressedout65 · 03/03/2022 00:55

After 58 happy years of marriage to my mum, my elderley dad died 14 months ago. We all help my mum with stuff, visit her, take her out & look after her. However, we can't be there 24/7 to keep her spirits up and replace my dad. She does not expect us to either, she wants us to live our own life too, just as we did before he died. She's started to get out a bit on her own accord now, meets a couple of widows, and has a lot to live for (ie her family who love & care for her)
She's still in relatively good health but as much as her spirits are momentarily lifted when she's not alone, she feels like she's just going through the motions. 14 months on she's getting down & wishes that they'd both gone together. He was her soul mate & 58 years is a long time. How do we help her get her zest for life back & find some happiness within again? She refuses to go for counselling

OP posts:
User57327259 · 03/03/2022 01:11

You are doing everything you can for your Dmum. The main thing is that you are being company for her and taking her to places.

It is a very different relationship being the adult child of a person to being the husband/wife of someone for 58 years but what I would suggest is that you make physical contact with your Dmum every time you see her. It could be a touch on the arm or shoulder or a hug if she is OK with hugs.

Make sure her house is safe with whatever aids she might like or need. Check that her windows are lockable and if you think it wise get an alarm fitted with a panic alarm. Check that all household items are in good order and dont have frayed wires or make noises when in operation.

I have been widowed a lot longer than your Dmum and one thing I noticed was that my kids never touched me with kindness like a hand on my shoulder and definitely never a hug. I long for a hug from my late husband and although a kindly touch from family would be nice it would never be as reassuring and a hug from DH.

You are being so kind to your Dmum and I am glad she ha such a considerate daughter. Best wishes to you both

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