Should I not try to prevent a fire?

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I have always been scared of dying in a fire. It's my main fear and to mitigate this fear and help me feel safe (also because its something I was told to do by the fireman who visited our school) I keep a towel and bottles of water in the bedrooms so if a fire does break out, I can soak the towel and put it against the door to stop the smoke coming in.

fire extinguishers wouldn't be able to stop smoke coming into the bedrooms so that's not an option.

DH has said he's sick of seeing bottles of water everywhere, it's 2 under our bed hardly loads. I haven't got any in the children's room for obvious reasons but I feel bad and might stick some on top of the wardrobe just incase. They mostly sleep in my room anyway though so it's not a big deal.

I have said I'm not getting rid of them because it's hardly an invasion of space sat under the bed, and it could save our lives if a fire broke out.

Aibu to keep water under the bed?

Yabu - you don't need water and towels
yanbu - better safe than sorry

Have you considered having some CBT to help you overcome what sounds like a phobia? Have you sought medical/professional advice?

If you have smoke alarms and a fire extinguisher you do not need bottles of water everywhere.

I've not thought of it before and actually it's a good idea if you can't get out of the room because of fire on the other side of the door. Under the bed they're out of sight so what harm are they doing 🤷‍♀️

Could you put the bottles in a under bed box so they're not visible to DP?

he's annoyed by 2 bottles of water under the bed?
There's something you're not telling us, OP.

It's not normal behaviour OP. Perhaps your DH is unsettled by your anxiety

Is there a way of putting them in box that wouldn't make you anxious? Is a fire likely to breakout that means you couldn't get to the bathroom to soak towels? Do you have an escape route via your bedroom window available?

It is sensible to have a plan but if you feel your anxiety is affecting you too much consider CBT.

The local fire brigade is very happy to visit you at home and give you fire safety advice specific to your house. They came round to mine and told me that putting the duvets on the bed against the door would give us 20 minutes of clean air - enough time for them to come and rescue us,

It seems slightly extreme, but then I have a fire extinguisher in my kitchen and it's not all that different from that. I've never set the kitchen alight in 25 years - but there's a first time for everything!

If it makes you feel better having them, it's not doing anyone any harm. If your DP thinks you're crazy, then why don't you stash them away where he can't see them, in the bottom of your wardrobe, or in a bag or box.

they are under the bed so not visible anyway.

@NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy

The local fire brigade is very happy to visit you at home and give you fire safety advice specific to your house. They came round to mine and told me that putting the duvets on the bed against the door would give us 20 minutes of clean air - enough time for them to come and rescue us,

That sounds like it might help OP?

It’s doing no harm but makes you feel better. Your husband is a dick

So if a fire breaks out, you'd rather run around unscrewing bottles of water hidden under beds and in cupboards than just getting yourself and your children out and calling the fire brigade? You're honestly not making any sense.

What’s his problem? Does he spend the day lying flat on the bedroom floor, staring at the bottles and seething?

If it makes you feel better, why not? It’s not as if you’re going through some elaborate routine of checking and rechecking everything is switched off at night (for example).

We practiced fire drills as children. I knew exactly what to do if there was a fire. Most fires happen at night so it's good to have a plan. I think house fires are rare there are about 37,000 house fires a year in the UK. Personally I think the water and towels are a bit much but I would 100% regularly check your smoke alarms and have an escape route.

A bottle of water under the bed might not be intrusive, but you are not thinking rationally and maybe your husband is more concerned about that than the water itself. A bottle of water on top of your childrens wardrobes is not going to save them in a fire, neither is the water under your bed. Your husband should maybe be encouraging you to talk to somebody rather than dismissing your concerns.

If you have working smoke detectors, then the chances of a fire getting to the stage where you'd be trapped in a room are very very low - I have had a (small!) house fire and the fire brigade's advice was to have working smoke detectors (ours were going off nicely) and keys near each external door (so you aren't locked in). However you probably know all this - suggestions for your anxiety are probably more helpful.

It’s easier to just get out and call the fire brigade from safety than try to faff about looking under the bed or on top of wardrobes for water bottles. It’s unlikely you would even notice a fire small enough that it could be put out by a bottle of water.
I agree that it’s possible your husband is taking issue with your anxiety around the the subject rather than the actual bottles of water.

@KindlyKanga

Is there a way of putting them in box that wouldn't make you anxious? Is a fire likely to breakout that means you couldn't get to the bathroom to soak towels? Do you have an escape route via your bedroom window available?

It is sensible to have a plan but if you feel your anxiety is affecting you too much consider CBT.

We used to live in a flat so window was not an option. We have now thankfully moved to a house so window is an option if he is here But He works away and we have small children and a baby so I couldn't safely get them out the window alone.

His argument is we could jump out the window if a fire broke out. My argument is I couldn't safely get everyone out and a couple of bottles under the bed and 2 more on the kids wardrobe isn't an imposition and could save our lives one day.

Quick question, why do i need therapy for putting water and a towel in my room incase of a fire? would you feel the same if it was a fire extinguisher or a smoke alarm? what is the difference?

Getting the fire service out to advise you would be really helpful.

I have a fear, have done my entire life, of intruders, I have several "weapons" hidden around, cameras, sos set up on my phone. I used to get so afraid I wouldn't be able to physically move but now I can actually go to sleep. So I absolutely get the sentiment of doing what needs doing to feel safe, no matter how absurd.

Have you got a few smoke alarms fitted from the fire brigade. ? X

@anotherheadache

I've not thought of it before and actually it's a good idea if you can't get out of the room because of fire on the other side of the door. Under the bed they're out of sight so what harm are they doing 🤷‍♀️

Thanks, my thoughts exactly. it was actually to us as small children by the firemen when they visited school. They also said to shout fire fr a window if you can (apparently shouting " help " doesn't get people motivated incase it's burglars or murderers you need help from, shouting fire let's people know to call 999 and not to worry about being hurt) he also said don't just grab the door handle as it could be hot and burn you. test it first as it could get so hot your skin could stick to it. also don't douse the towel in water and use that to cover your body to try and run out, the water will evaporate and scald you. better to go with dry blanket or towel over you also stay low.

being scared of fire is normal? that's why we try to avoid it! it kills you know. Fire kills.

@NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy

The local fire brigade is very happy to visit you at home and give you fire safety advice specific to your house. They came round to mine and told me that putting the duvets on the bed against the door would give us 20 minutes of clean air - enough time for them to come and rescue us,

We had to have them come round when we first moved into our flat, it was a condition of the tenancy agreement. they were impressed with my water and towels and didn't suggest I needed therapy once.

@Gizacluethen

Getting the fire service out to advise you would be really helpful.

I have a fear, have done my entire life, of intruders, I have several "weapons" hidden around, cameras, sos set up on my phone. I used to get so afraid I wouldn't be able to physically move but now I can actually go to sleep. So I absolutely get the sentiment of doing what needs doing to feel safe, no matter how absurd.

I don't think it's obsurd, and I also have 'weapons' such as my spikey lamp and my very heavy paper weight. I don't think it's wierd either. lots of women walk at night with their keys in their hands.

What else do you have just in case op? It’s sounding like the water bottles and “weapons” are the tip of an anxiety iceberg

I had the same phobia after my child was born. If I could have covered him in smoke alarms I would have . I now have fire alarms and heat sensors in every room in the house, two in the kitchen and the keys in the front door. Turn off everything before I go to bed and shut all internal doors. Fire station is two mins away so I feel much better. I also take setraline now which has helped the most