DM last minute requests.

[namechangedforthis0194]

Once again another text of DM "can you do XYZ now/today/later on"

I am my mums main "carer" in terms of I don't work and my sibling does, she doesn't need a carer but doesn't drive and has disability's so it's easier for me to help.

Iv told her MULTIPLE times if you want anything doing, taking anywhere, need something picking up etc I am happy to do it but you need to tell me in advance meaning at least the day before!

But yet she doesn't seem to ever get it into her head! I'm so fed up of it now. I moved closer to help her out more and now I want to move a million miles away.

I actually cried over the weekend when she asked me to take her shopping, id just got in with the kids and was exhausted so I just sat there and cried!

I am far to soft and feel awful saying no, especially if I don't have a good enough excuse to be saying no! Not to mention I am 8 months pregnant

Just say no

I think you need to preface it with
"I need to get organised for when the baby is here and get into a proper routine".
Set days and times for what is necessary.

Aww OP you have kids to look after, you are 8 months pregnant and you are exhausted. Those things ARE a good enough excuse to say no. You sound lovely, but your mum is taking you completely for granted. It’s awful that she expects you to run to her at the drop of a hat with no consideration of your other family commitments at all. I am actually quite angry at your mum in your behalf. Please don’t let her continue to monopolise your life when she hasn’t even got the decency to ask you in advance for your help.

Well the key thing here is that you're 8 month pregnant, sp she's going to have to do without your support once you've had the c-section and even when you can drive again, your focus needs to be on your baby, not being the Handsmaid for a demanding DM.

Start pulling back - "I'll go tomorrow mum, you need to give me notice".

@namechangedforthis0194

Thanks everyone I feel a bit better now!

@Beamur I go shopping every Monday and have offered to pick her up so she can get hers at the same time but shes never took me up on this!

@WouldIwasShookspeared I won't be able to do anything at all for 6 weeks because I am having a c-section so can't drive, DH has booked time off and I can see her asking him after a couple of weeks

Then you need to tell her now that he won't be doing it. And tell him to say no. And mean it.

What's the worst that can happen if she sulks?

If you won't say no to her, how do you expect the situation to improve?

I go shopping every Monday and have offered to pick her up so she can get hers at the same time but shes never took me up on this

Next time you say 'ok mum I will get it on Monday', or on Monday say 'I'm only going to the shop once, tell me what you want now or I can't get it later on'.

When she texts say 'I can do it on (what ever day suits you)' or 'sorry mum, not possible today'

Is she lonely? Could she possibly be doing this as an excuse to see you regularly?

If you go shopping on Mondays then she either goes with you on a Monday or not at all. You do need to tell her no, she will start to realise that she can’t just summon you whenever it suits her, especially since you’ll be having a baby soon who will be your main priority.

Oh you seem overwhelmed. When she asks you, then you can just let her know when you can do something. Nobody can make you do things. Respond with "I can't do that today but how about we do it......" Or "Could you come along with me when I do my shopping....insert day?" If you can't do it and the day you can is not suitable then suggest a taxi. It doesn't have to be hideous. It reads that your heart wants to be there for your mum.

I am far to soft and feel awful saying no, especially if I don't have a good enough excuse to be saying no! Not to mention I am 8 months pregnant

You've got a perfectly good excuse right there, combined with the fact that (a) you also have other children and (b) you've already told her that she needs to give you notice.

@namechangedforthis0194

I think I find it hard as well because when I say no she ignores my text just so fed up of feeling guilty when I shouldn't at all!

But what can she do realistically? She says "Can we go shopping today", you say "Sorry, no, we can go on Monday" and she ignores your text - the worst she can do is to sit there and wait for you knowing you aren't going to turn up, surely? Even if she pesters you about when you're going to get there, you can simply refer to your earlier text.

you don't need an excuse, you have got a reason, two reasons actually....one is that right now you are pregnant and the second is that in the very near future you won't be able to do anything for her and neither will your partner whose focus will be you and the newborn. Its time for a big girl pants conversation with her and with your sibling basically telling them to sort it out because you cannot.

@username1293948

Is she lonely? Could she possibly be doing this as an excuse to see you regularly?

She knows where I live but never comes round?

If she asks and you text to say "no, can't manage that" and she ignores your message, that's the end of the conversation, surely? You're being too soft and she's relying on that to get what she wants and when.

why don’t you just say ‘no, but I’m going to the shop on Monday so will add it to the list. Let me know if you want me to do that’ and if she doesn’t reply, don’t get it. She’ll learn