To engage a hypnotist to make me not care about children any more?

[girljulian]

Husband and I went through IVF last year. I say "husband and I" because he was there with me and very supportive, but in fact he produces no sperm due to an intersex condition so it was just me. We are not entitled to any funding in our area. We could only really afford the one go (and that not easily).

At any rate, it didn't work; it uncovered the fact that I have very bad endometriosis. I am now on the waiting list to be scraped-out for endometriosis, which will probably fix a lot of my pain (which I thought was normal -- oops). But it won't, according to the consultant, alter the fact that my ovarian reserve has been destroyed by years of endo.

To be clear, what happened last time was: two good eggs, one fertilised, the other fertilised abnormally. Implanted the properly fertilised one, which was "good". Chemical pregnancy.

In some ways this is making it worse for me because I know that if I had endless money, I would just keep doing IVF cycles hoping to get single good embryos and implanting them. I have no embryo quality issue, just quantity. But this way lies madness. It's like online gambling. I don't have endless money, we shot our shot and it didn't work. Eventually they might actually get to me on the endo list, but that won't help with AMH -- oh and also, apparently I have adenomyosis.

I have been thinking of looking into hypnotherapy to make me not care about babies. At the moment, seemingly every woman I have ever met is getting pregnant and it's making me so upset each time. Would a hypnotist be able to make me come to terms with infertility and stop thinking about it? Has anyone had hynotherapy successfully?

AIBU??

I am sorry you're going through all this x
But are you sure you want to this path? I agree that you need to set a limit to the IVF cycles you're going to try, or a budget and stick with it. Personally, I've set a limit, and researched private clinics and their prices.
If you still believe that you've had enough and that it's time to accept it and move on, why don't you try therapy or counselling?

Wishing you all the best x

I think you need to try whatever you can that might help. Hypnotherapy can definitely work for some people.

I'm so sorry you've been through this. It's heartbreaking.

My friend had three failed awful ivf rounds. Then they finally sorted her endo out with a big op. Pregnant on the next Ivf cycle! So endo def needs to be sorted. It was such a waste going through the cycles before. She really had to push to get the endo op though and had to go private. Of course still might be issues with low ovarian reserve- but only needs one egg! Of course you may still not be successful and there are lots of ways you can come to terms with that. But you might not be at that stage yet??

I think the practice of self compassion would help. It sounds trite to type that, sounds likeva cliché, but im half way through Kristen neff phd and Christopher germer phd's workbook and for the first time in years i feel i can accept a situation i was locked in to trying to FIX
the practice does teach you how to build intentions (for meditation)

I dont really meditate but having intentions and holding them has helped.

I used to listen to overnight youtube hypnosis sessions. Thomas hall mindunity has a long list.

Xx

Thanks all, especially @Lurking9to5 for that recommendation -- I will check it out.

It is not that I "think I've had enough", it's that we set a limit and the limit was one. We cannot afford another go, so I've got to come to terms with that.

It could help and isn't harmful or invasive so I'd say go for it. You could try talking therapy as well/instead.

IVF is very stressful and if it's definitely the end of the line why would you not want to find inner peace?

Good luck and I'm sorry for all your troubles

Have you had any therapy yet? Speaking to a specialist fertility therapist might also help.

Ah, honey.

I'd try everything I could. Hypnotherapy, counselling, the lot. It's going to be a big adjustment. We're almost conditioned to expect children in our future and to find out that your future is different to that life long expectation must sting.

Do whatever you've got to do.

I haven't yet. It's giving me terrible thoughts like "if I was just regularly shagging a man who produced sperm it would've happened by now, probably" which isn't at all helpful because I love my husband very much and he had to come to terms with his own infertility many years ago! So he knows largely how I feel, except that I (unlike him) could probably eke out a biologically-mine baby eventually if I was rich, or if I were married to someone else. That's the bugger of it. It makes me go marching furiously about social inequality/what-ifs in my mind.

I’m so sorry. Discovering that my husband and I couldn’t have children has been the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m so sorry for your situation.
We did 12 rounds of IVF without success - you’re right to say it’s a gamble. I always felt like one more try would surely work, but in fact each try destroyed our mental health a little bit more, and left us in increasingly difficult financial straits.
I am still struggling to come to terms with it, after 15 years of trying and still hoping for a miracle pregnancy.
If you think hypnosis could help then I think you should definitely give it a shot. I wish I had done something years ago to try to accept my childlessness.
I hope you can make peace with your situation one way or another.

I've not heard of using hypnotherapy for this but if it can help I would give it a go.

I have had a lot of success getting rid of painful emotions and memories with EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing.

Issues troubling me for literally decades gone in a hour or a lot less.

Highly recommended.

YANBU in any way. You do what you can to get through infertility. It might help you.

Could you go private for the D&C? It's a fairly straightforward procedure and there's no point in staying in pain, languishing in a never ending NHS queue.

OP thinking about I have never heard of hypnotherapy used for this. I trained as HT years ago. There was (not sure about now) suggestion therapy, mainly for weight loss and smoking, or confidence and passing driving tests etc. Then there was analytical therapy where you find the core problem, usually a traumatic incident, leading to presenting symptoms.

As I say it was a long time ago so might be different now. Something about it using in the way suggested doesn't sound right. It would be in common use I would think, such as being hypnotised to get over an affair, or a death, or a break-up and so on. These are events that have complicated repurcussions and writing over or erasing them in the brain sounds unwise. I think psychotherapy or counselling would be most usual. Then again, EMDR is simple, quick and works.

@gingerhills I can't really afford to go private with it -- but I suppose part of me is still thinking "if I spend more money I don't have on private surgery, it will be less money I don't have to put on another IVF round" even though I've told myself that's it.

I would like the people who've voted on this post that I AM being unreasonable to comment and let me know why, it would help!

@stripeyflowers I have never heard of EMDR -- I will look into it, thank you.

A friend had bad Endo for years, went thru many IVF cycles. Had the Endo op, then IVF again, and gave birth to twins at age 42.

I hope Endo op brings you what you wish💐

@DeeCeeCherry

A friend had bad Endo for years, went thru many IVF cycles. Had the Endo op, then IVF again, and gave birth to twins at age 42.

I hope Endo op brings you what you wish💐

I also know someone who was told she;d never get pregnant, had the endo op and had two children easily. It is worth prioritising, for your own health and pain free life but also in case you want another chance with IVF.

I would suggest counselling over hypnotherapy. I had it after 3 failed IVF rounds and it was very helpful in helping me come to terms with the idea of not having children.

FWIW endometriosis in and of itself limits fertility (I have it; husband is fine). Arguably a chemical pregnancy can indicate egg quality issues which is the key issue in endo sadly (and certainly was our issue).

We ended up doing six rounds to achieve pregnancy. That way madness (and bankruptcy) lies but I can truly say I had made peace with it by our final round due to the counselling.

Could you go private for the D&C? It's a fairly straightforward procedure and there's no point in staying in pain, languishing in a never ending NHS queue.

She won’t be having a D&C, she’ll be having a laparoscopy. It’s a complex surgery where severe endometriosis is suspected & the NHS BGSE centres are amongst the best places to have it done.

Can you try contacting the Fertility Foundation? They do grants in the UK to assist couples with the cost of IVF.

No point in doing it until after the laparoscopy and until you've been given the all clear. You may need some injections after treatment etc.

Have you been on the infertility boards here? They were such a great source of support for me when I needed it.

I wouldn't do hypnotherapy but I would look at general therapy options if you've made your final decision that you won't be try again. I'm so sorry to say though, therapy isn't cheap and it's hard to find the right person - maybe ask if your GP can refer you to someone?

I'm so sorry you're going through this

Hypnotherapy is definitely worth a try.

My friend lost 2 stone in a few months due to Hypnotherapy and another friend has almost completely stopped drinking due to his Hypnotherapy

Have you looked into surrogacy?

The fact that you had a chemical is actually a really good sign, it shows you can make embryos and implant them.
Is there no way you could do 1 more round? It's 5k all in abroad.