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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would it be disrespectful to my partner to text someone I was seeing years ago

9 replies

000oooh · 01/03/2022 23:14

I had feelings for him 4 or 5 years ago and I was seeing him a little on and off but never a relationship as he didn't want. Stayed as friends after but kinda fell out and didn't speak for a while, life moved on and made amends and haven't spoken to him for 3 years.
Doesn't attract me in the slightest anymore and I now see that a relationship would have been pretty awful.

Anyway pretty sure I saw him yesterday in the street but wasn't 100% sure. Wondered how he's doing and what he's up to at the minute.
He lives very far away but knows people round here.

I've had a partner for 2 years now who I love very much and incredibly happy with. I don't even look at anyone else really, never dream of flirting with someone else and I despise cheats.

I feel worried that it would be disrespectful to my partner to text this old friend, I intend to be totally honest about sending the message and the past history with him.

If it is disrespectful or makes him uncomfortable then I won't. He did tell me once he had stayed in touch with someone he used to like a few years back (but I don't think they speak much anymore apart from bumping into each other here and there)

OP posts:
000oooh · 01/03/2022 23:16

I've maybe overthought this a lot , another guy I briefly dated 7 years ago texted me last year asking how I was doing, he's had another partner for years now, told my partner and there was no issue at all

OP posts:
Casmama · 01/03/2022 23:16

Give it a miss.

bonfireheart · 01/03/2022 23:16

What do you hope to happen by texting him?

Motnight · 01/03/2022 23:17

You know that you have ulterior motives Op. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking on Mumsnet.

afizzysweet · 01/03/2022 23:19

If you're asking online if you shouldn't do it, then you probably shouldn't do it

Lou98 · 01/03/2022 23:19

What do you hope to achieve by texting him?

My Partner and I are both friends with people we had been seeing prior to meeting, there's no issues there. However, I would question why when you've not seen him for years you suddenly want to text to see how he's doing - it sounds as if you're hoping for something out of it and honestly I wouldn't be impressed if I was your Partner

MMMarmite · 01/03/2022 23:24

Personally I wouldn't think twice about doing so. I don't think there's anything wrong with staying in touch with an ex, unless you still have feelings for them.

ikeepseeingit · 01/03/2022 23:24

Eh if he has a partner and you’re just wondering if he’s okay/ how he has been then I don’t see what the issue is?

000oooh · 01/03/2022 23:29

No feelings whatsoever and zero ulterior motive just wanted a catch up, but i won't send anything it was a silly idea, thanks

OP posts:
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