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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate my baby putting his fingers in my mouth

19 replies

Franklepopper · 01/03/2022 19:39

My one year old likes to out his fingers in my mouth when I am feeding him or when I am trying to rock him to sleep. He picks at my gums and takes his fingers over my tongue. I hate it. I get a really visceral reaction that make me want to bite him (I would obviously never do this) but I feel like an awful mother for feeling this way. Is he going to know that in those moments I have really struggled not to hate the time we are spending together?

OP posts:
Kuachui · 01/03/2022 19:41

who wouldnt nt hate it god its awful! just keep daying no when he does it

Chasingsquirrels · 01/03/2022 19:41

Don't let him then.
Of course it doesn't make you a bad mother, and it won't affect him.

Bonheurdupasse · 01/03/2022 19:42

That sounds so unpleasant...of course not a bad mother!
Just keep removing his hand / pushing it away.

Yellowsubhubabubbub · 01/03/2022 19:43

There’s something I read about the notion of “ giving back”? They realise you are giving them something ( usually milk) and they are reciprocating?
Buy one of those chompy necklaces for him to fiddle with.

Original poster
Franklepopper · 01/03/2022 19:43

He gets really upset if I stop him doing it. It’s so difficult if I’m trying to calm him before bed etc

OP posts:
nightwakingmoon · 01/03/2022 19:45

I hate some things my DD did/does - she used to like to pinch my breast when feeding, which drove me nuts; and she will still pinch the skin inside my elbow if she gets a chance! It’s fine for you to dislike it.

You might also look up nursing aversion if it’s particularly when you’re feeding. I had periods when I had really bad nursing aversion during BF, and it’s very normal.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 01/03/2022 19:46

I'd hate that with a passion, even the thought of it turns my stomach!

Twirldream · 01/03/2022 19:46

Just gently push his hand away and say no. The same as you’d do if he was yanking your hair or sticking his fingers in your eyes/pulling your glasses off your face.

Cheekypeach · 01/03/2022 19:49

Ew that’s horrible. Just say no & keep your mouth closed it’s not hard. He won’t be scarred for life because he wasn’t allowed to pick your gums as a one year old.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/03/2022 20:40

I couldn’t stand this OP it sounds awful. As PP’s have said don’t let him do it will cause him no emotional harm whatsoever. And don’t feel any guilt about stopping him either!

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/03/2022 20:41

Don’t get why anyone would vote YABU btw! Anyone who has…care to explain?!

TheEponymousGrub · 01/03/2022 20:47

I guess they meant the OP was unreasonable for feeling like an awful mother.
I had completely forgotten until I read this that one of my babies used to keep trying this and I couldn't bear it. But I just turned my head away, I think - I can't remember clearly and certainly my kids (now 10 and 14!) don't either.
A fidget necklace sounds a great idea!

Tee20x · 01/03/2022 20:54

Mine does this sometimes. Literally pokes my gums. Just move her hand away.

Mine also tries to play with my other nipple when feeding during the night hatttttttttee it.

gah2teenagers · 01/03/2022 21:08

Crumbs. You need to harden up. Just push away and say no. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of battles.

SnackSizeRaisin · 01/03/2022 21:08

Stop him doing it if you don't like it. You're the boss, not him. He'll soon get used to it if you are consistent. Offer him something else to hold or fiddle with to distract him . Far worse for you to hate being with him than to just put some boundaries in place

FairWindClearSailing · 01/03/2022 21:09

I understand he gets upset but it's still your body and laying down your boundaries is important for you, and important for him to learn about other people's boundaries. DS is 19 months and we still feed to sleep. He likes to stroke my chest / boob which doesn't bother me but he will sometimes dig for my other nipple in my clothes and I HATE it. So after clothes no longer stopped him from doing it, I started keeping my own hand over that area over my clothes. He has gotten used to it and doesn't complain anymore.

ComDummings · 01/03/2022 21:09

@SnackSizeRaisin

Stop him doing it if you don't like it. You're the boss, not him. He'll soon get used to it if you are consistent. Offer him something else to hold or fiddle with to distract him . Far worse for you to hate being with him than to just put some boundaries in place
All of this ^
EdithRea · 01/03/2022 21:25

Just move the hand away for pity's sake. Why on earth is this complicated? You're allowed to say no to the kid, you realise.

myyellowcar · 01/03/2022 21:28

Mine started trying to do this and the few times he did I ended up with wisdom tooth infections so please distract and don’t let him do it!

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