To not want our colleagues to know

[Loijki]

Not yet anyway!

Very very early beginnings of dating a director (in a different department)... I've made it clear I don't want any colleagues to know what's going on between us unless it develops into something serious. He has told me no one would even bat an eyelid but I'm not so sure?

AIBU for asking to keep it on the low?

I worked in the same company as my husband for 3 years, different departments but just a few desks between us. No one knew we even knew each other let alone that we were married.

Keep it seperate.

Does your company have a policy about work relationships?

The thing about work relationships (and I speak from experience of having had two) is that they are always a total disaster unless they are meant to go the distance, in which case they can be perfect. But you won't know until its too late.

I know people who have met and married the loves of their lives at work and lived happily ever after etc. But it happens in the minority of cases and in the majority the fallout is messy, can divide people's loyalties, excruciating, potentially heart-breaking, potentially humiliating and potentially career-limiting. So its a very high stakes game.

If you are in different departments, paths never cross etc its easier than if you sit opposite one another and you're more likely to be able to manage any fallout, but its still fraught with risk.

I think your approach should be tell no-one for as long as possible, but if it gets to a point where its unavoidable that people will know declare it to your line managers in case it violates any policies etc. But be very careful and assume nothing about where its going.

i met my ex through work, everyone knew, we married, he was in a separate dept and higher wage than me.

my friend was secretary to the CEO of a big company. He picked her out of the typing pool to work for him. They eventually married . everyone knew. She told her marriage is like a business relationship.😂

Where I work, this wouldn’t be a career mess up at all!

Different departments is totally fine. If he was your line manager then it would be gossiped about.

Don’t throw away what could be a good relationship because of other people.

I'm a few rungs more senior than my husband, nobody cares, I'm not allowed to live manage him or his direct line manager. It's not uncommon in my field for people to meet at work (we actually didn't he moved into the same field later). I work closely with police and it is incredibly common there. Just be scrupulously transparent and avoid getting involved in each others' work, declare a conflict of interest of there's even the hint of a potential one. If you're not the first junior staff member he's dated it looks a little different.

I don’t see anything wrong with this, or your approach, from what you’ve said. People meet at work all the time. Being discreet in the early stages sounds sensible. Hope it works out well for you.
Interesting that some people assumed there was a power imbalance before you’d said anything about your own status!

I would keep it quiet if I were you and I would ask him to do the same.

The relationship might work out in the long term or it might not. No need to announce anything to anyone at this early stage.

If you make it public, you will be the source of gossip and some people will wonder whether you get preferential treatment or whether you might pass on anything they say to the next level of management....

You might away with it if it is a really big organisation and you never cross over and he has no power to influence what happens in your role but I think ultimately though one of you might have to move to a new job.

Also, I am sure you have about how awkward it will get if you end up having a bad break up.