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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What's happening with SS?

21 replies

Worriedaboutss · 01/03/2022 18:26

Hi all. I'm sorry this is so long but I didnt want to leave anything out.

I rang my GP last week to ask for further help with my binge drinking problem. Its something that I've been trying to overcome for the past 3 years since my father's suicide and various stressful incidents/mental health decline. During that time I've had some quite long stints of full sobriety, one time 11 months and another 7 months. I dont drink every day or even every week, but when I drink I will 80% of the time go on these large binges. I'm ashamed of it and I know it's not right or normal. I have a 7 year old dd who I dont drink around (I have done on occasion but not gotten plastered, more like a few wines in the garden during the summer when friends are over sort of thing) I will drink when she goes to her dads or sometimes when she is in bed but it's usually when shes at her dads and I'm alone at home.

I'm a single parent with not much real life support. At first I used it as a coping mechanism when things got bad, I was in a bad place and so lonely, it made me feel better but slowly over time it became worse and harder to manage (having to take days off work etc due to hangover, something I've never had to do before), I'm on the right medication now and feel so much better mentally, problem is is that I'm left with this nasty "habbit".
As I said I've been trying, on my own, for a few years now to get a grip on this but keep falling into bad patterns with it, it's like when I start I find it hard to stop.

I rang my local outpatient rehab centre, got assessed and have a start date, in the mean time I am attending "pre treatment" every week which I've already started.
Last week I also rang my GP to see if they're was any additional support they could offer, the GP I spoke to was the same GP who I went to see a couple of years ago when I first noticed this becoming a problem. He asked what kind of impact, if any, I felt like this was having on my daughter. I said I do think its having an impact in the sense that when she comes back from her dads I'm hungover and too ill to do much with her. Now when I say that I dont mean I'm incapacitated, just that usually we will go on various activities such as swimming, trampoline park, a castle, beach etc etc on the day she comes
back from her dads (he has her two nights and days a week) she is used to this being the case and I feel so guilty on those times she does come home an I have to say no we cant go out today "mummy isnt well". She will play at home, do crafts and watch films, I will cook and tidy, bathe her etc but we wont go out. So yes I said I do think it has an impact due to her feeling let down an disappointed that our usual fun day together (a sunday) isnt happening as usual. As I said this isnt every week, more like once a fortnight if I had to put a time frame on it (but theres times weeks and months can go by when I dont drink at all then sometimes itll be two weekends in a row this will happen. The GP said because of this (the fact I said its having some impact on dd) he will have to make a referal to child services. I said ok and whatever needed to happened needed to happen, I know hes doing his job and tbh, I'm not 'scared' of ss. Dd is well cared for and loved and kept away from my problem as much as possible, although I know it will have an impact on her in some way and certainly something I want to sort out before it gets out of hand. I will not let that happen.

Someone from child protection rang that same day, we had a chat, she was really nice and I explained all I have above, that I'm aware of the problem and have sought help to deal with it. She said it didnt sound like there needed to be any involvement from them as shes happy with the support I have put in place and it sounds like dd is happy and cared for, but that she would like to speak to dd dad and I passed his number on. He knows what's happening as I had told him I was attending rehab and is in full support (we co parent well so can have these chats, we've known eachother a very long time) so that was fine.
SW rang and spoke to him, all was ok from what I can gather although he didnt say much other than she had said she would need to speak to dd school and then her manager would make the final decision.

Thing is, she didnt say any of that to me, just that she needed to speak to him. Nothing about school or anything so I find that odd. I'm not bothered if she does, in fact great, dd does amazing at school, shes a bright, happy, helpful girl. She wins prizes at school for being kind and a hard worker. Shes top of her class for work, home work done on time and is always clean and on time. So I'd be happy if they did ring them! Just, why not tell me they were going to?

Anyway, after that phone call I havent heard anything back. Not a thing. So what's happening? Are they looking into it further or has it been closed now?
Just I would have thought they would say one way or another? This was a week ago now but still not heard anything back and I'm starting to worry. In a way I'm not too fussed as I know all is well at home and I'm seeking the right support for myself, but also I just want to know what, if anything, is happening? I just think it's weird and that they would ring then leave it open like that? Although she did say to me that it "doesn't sound like it needed any involvement from us" so maybe that was my answer and I'm just getting myself worked up over nothing? (Strong possibility..)

Does anyone know how all this works? Its the first time anything like this has happened and I'm confused by it all.

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
BabyTurtIe · 01/03/2022 18:46

It’s standard for them to contact the school, gp (hv if under a certain age) so that’s pretty normal, it’s only been a week which isn’t long. I wouldn’t assume anything was closed until they told me.

ImFree2doasiwant · 01/03/2022 18:51

A week is no time at all in the world of SS.

Stevenage689 · 01/03/2022 18:53

Well done for getting help.

If all is as you've said, then dd will be right at the bottom of the social worker's priorities. Caseloads are too high and they rightly prioritise children most at risk. The upshot of that for you is that you may be hanging on a while for a response. They may also be awaiting a school response for a bit (form generally goes to safeguarding lead, then teacher, then back, then sent back to ss).

Darbs76 · 01/03/2022 18:54

I’d imagine this will take some time - like any government service tons of paperwork and red tape to deal with

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 01/03/2022 18:55

I work with social workers a lot and yes, a week is no time at all. I know it’s unsettling not to hear anything but it may well be months before they confirm it’s all closed.

Worriedaboutss · 01/03/2022 19:01

Months?? Wow ok then.

Well I'll just try and put it out of my mind in the mean time and work on getting myself back to 100%. That's all I can do.

Thanks all 😊

OP posts:
BabyTurtIe · 01/03/2022 19:21

Yes it can take a long time, they have 45 days to make an assessment (some councils have longer) this information can be found online, thinking about it though I’m sure they are suppose to ask your permission to contact that school etc (though I’m sure you wouldn’t decline) so it’s off they didn’t mention it

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 01/03/2022 19:30

now to me i read this post as i wouldn't be asking for help again as what ever you do people refer to ss so easy

you only need a nasty/corrupt sw(ive personal experience of a corrupt one) and your life's buggered through no fault your own

societies so quick to do a ss referral not realising the aftermath this will cause,
once the ss viper's are involved they never let go and will look and find any rubbish to use against you and make up lies when they can't .

people are going to stop asking for help as they are so afraid they will get referred

Worriedaboutss · 01/03/2022 19:40

@TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY

now to me i read this post as i wouldn't be asking for help again as what ever you do people refer to ss so easy

you only need a nasty/corrupt sw(ive personal experience of a corrupt one) and your life's buggered through no fault your own

societies so quick to do a ss referral not realising the aftermath this will cause,
once the ss viper's are involved they never let go and will look and find any rubbish to use against you and make up lies when they can't .

people are going to stop asking for help as they are so afraid they will get referred

I know I thought the same thing. I asked for help myself and explained it all to the gp. Why the ss referal because a child doenst get to go swimming now and again? But I suppose it's part of their job and he may have been worried I wasnt telling the whole truth?

Anyway, yep definitely put me off asking for help again of any kind.. I just hope I get a nice sw now eek.

OP posts:
Worriedaboutss · 01/03/2022 19:43

@BabyTurtIe

Yes it can take a long time, they have 45 days to make an assessment (some councils have longer) this information can be found online, thinking about it though I’m sure they are suppose to ask your permission to contact that school etc (though I’m sure you wouldn’t decline) so it’s off they didn’t mention it
Yeah I 100% would have said it was ok. I have nothing to hide really and no one would know about this unless I told them.

But that's what I mean by I just found it odd that it wasnt mentioned to me but they did to her dad? It was put across to me like it was just an open then shut 'case'.

OP posts:
Worriedaboutss · 01/03/2022 21:11

I've just thought about something there.
Will they tell they school what I'm being investigated for!?? God that's embarrassing Blush

OP posts:
boomoohoo · 01/03/2022 21:23

Hi op, I'm a social worker for children's services. It sounds like your referral is still in mash (the initial screening dept) and they forgot to call you back.. not great. If families are passed for assessment we need to see children within 5 days, so sounds like you aren't open to assessment. Yes they also should have asked your consent for contacting school (though in reality they probably forgot with you but remembered in convo with dad)
You could always contact your local mash team (should be email address and phone number on your local council website) and ask for an update.
Well done on starting the journey of your recovery 👏

moita · 01/03/2022 21:32

OP I can't advise on social services. But can I just say a big well done for getting help and support. Alcoholism runs in my family so I know how hard it is to ask for help (and fight for help).

You're brave and honest which is a good sign you will recover xx

Worriedaboutss · 01/03/2022 21:33

Ok thank you @boomoohoo I'll do that tomorrow.
Thanks. 😊

OP posts:
Worriedaboutss · 01/03/2022 21:33

Thank you @moita 😊

OP posts:
Stevenage689 · 01/03/2022 22:06

@Worriedaboutss

I've just thought about something there. Will they tell they school what I'm being investigated for!?? God that's embarrassing Blush
They wouldn't. We get forms and fill them in. Sometimes we're very aware of the reason, but sometimes they're unexplained.
Welshmumofobe · 01/03/2022 22:29

I’m a school safeguarding lead - sometimes they tell us the reason for a welfare check, sometimes they don’t - but please don’t worry, we see everything and our priority is the child, we’re not here to judge.

ElleGB · 02/03/2022 07:41

Please don’t minimise the impact this is having on your daughter by saying she only misses swimming every so often.

You have a problem with alcohol, whether you think it or not it will be having an impact on your daughter, more so that you have relapsed previously.

I wish you well and I think you’re doing all the right things, but the doctor was absolutely right to refer.

As others have said, ring the MASH team it’s highly likely the file has been closed and not allocated to a social worker past the assessment stage.

Worriedaboutss · 02/03/2022 10:11

Sorry I didnt mean to minimize I know its having an effect on her which is the main reason I'm sorting this out.

Anyway, I spoke to the SW today and she said it has been closed. 😊 phew. Right. Now to sort this out once and for all, I never want to be in that position again.
Dd deserves to have her mum in her life, all of me and all that I can give. I deserve to have all of me too and not to waste the life I have built for us both. Times have been hard but it doesn't have to be that way forever. I need (and am) to stop with the self pity, put my big girl pants on and be the mother I set out to be. I will do it.

Thank you all for your input. 😊

OP posts:
ElleGB · 02/03/2022 12:38

Ahh that’s brilliant news OP, what a weight of your shoulders.

Wishing you so much luck in your journey. Yes your daughter deserves this change, but so do you.

MissMaple82 · 02/03/2022 13:26

They will be contacting the school. All normal. You're over thinking it.

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