To complain about security guard or leave it?

[user1488791477]

Met my 11 year old son (year 6 at primary) from school today and he asked if he could walk home with his friend and if he could buy some sweets from the shop (Tesco express) on the way home, so I gave him a £2 to get some sweets and a drink. A short while later I had a call from one of the other Mum's that the security guard had stopped my son and said he hadn't paid for the sweets, took him back in where, after a bit of back and forth, the cashier confirmed he had paid for the 2 items he had and let him go. Other Mum called me because my son is diagnosed "high functioning" autistic and looked about to cry, so she knows this could lead to meltdown later where he was embarassed even though he did nothing wrong. My son absolutely hates attention of any kind on him, good or bad but any meltdown will come later when he's had time to process what happened.
My AIBU is - when I asked my son about it when he got home, he said the security guard had grabbed him by his backpack and pulled him back in the shop, hard enough that my son nearly fell backwards. Now I'm all for them checking if someone has paid for an item, and if they had stepped in front if him and told him they needed to check if he had paid I would be fine with it but surely when it comes to a child, they shouldn't be physically grabbing them? We've been working so hard to try and build up his independance and this could have a really detrimental affect on him but I appreciate they do not know he is autistic.
I'll be speaking to the other Mum later to see if they saw exactly what happened and agree with DS view of events, but if she confirms that's what happened

YABU - They had every right to grab him and escort him back to the tills
YANBU - they should not be laying hands on a child

@MichelleScarn

So all the people ready to verbally abuse the shop staff, make complaints, raise hell etc etc.

Now you've done that, and found it didn't happen... what's your next steps?

Usually it's a look of embarrassment and an apology.

I'd check facts before going in all guns blazing.

Unless you're happy to make yourself look like an arse?

Amount of parents who think their kids are angels and always tell the truth is hilarious

Two sides to every story.

@user1488791477

So it seems we have a perception issue. Other Mum says security guard tapped his bag to get his attention as he was leaving (was too busy talking and didn't hear the s.g calling out) and asked him back in. DS is quite clumsy so the "pull" causing him to nearly fall, seems it was more startle reflex and just sheer clumsiness. I won't be raising a complaint, she said the shop was really busy and it's a new security guard who was probably trying really hard to be extra vigilant but just unfortunately my son got caught in a mix up. Good job I checked before going in or that would've been embarassing. Also have spoken with DS about his perception and not exaggerating

Sorry, just seen this update.

Good for you for checking.

Some of the gung ho responses on here though

@MichelleScarn

So all the people ready to verbally abuse the shop staff, make complaints, raise hell etc etc.

Now you've done that, and found it didn't happen... what's your next steps?

No next steps with regards to the security gaurd, clearly they were just doing what they're paid to do and my son was an unfortunate misunderstanding. With DS we've clearly got a lot of work to do around perception and exaggeration, will be tricky being as he is autistic but we'll have to find a way. Tonight I've explained how it could've caused problems for either the security guard or me if I'd gone up there all guns blazing

@Agrudge fortunately neither needed from me as I made sure to check with other Mum first. He even demonstrated to me how it felt to him but where he has sensory processing disorder, I guess the slightest tap feels something huge to him. He'll knock his foot where he's clumsy and acts like he's broken his foot

@user1488791477 I didn't say this was you?

I’d still challenge this OP. At the very least the security guard is stopping innocent people and accusing them of theft causing embarrassment and distress.

He should be trained that he should have evidence and be 100% sure before he stops people, especially children. He evidently didn’t and I’d want them to check the security cameras and a formal apology for your son. The fact he is vulnerable is also relevant as this incident will have an effect on him. The way it felt to him is valid.

@Ilikewinter

The security guard is wrong on 2 accounts. He absolutely cannot pull your son back into the store and he shouldnt be speaking to him without a parent being present. Id be phoning or speaking to the Store manager, having been in that position myself i can tell you the manager will or should be mortified thats happened. The guard will belong to a guarding company though so not employed by Tescos direct & the manager wont be able to deal with him, he'll have to go via his security company. You need to find out who that is and insist that you get a response from them.

he shouldnt be speaking to him without a parent being present

What a load of bollocks.

Anyone can speak to a child without the parent being present, especially if they think they've just stolen something.

OP, I'd ask the store to check the CCTV to get to the bottom of it.

Speak to the mum again if you like.
I’d be asking to see the cctv and then deciding on the next steps.

@MichelleScarn

So all the people ready to verbally abuse the shop staff, make complaints, raise hell etc etc.

Now you've done that, and found it didn't happen... what's your next steps?

Sorry, I read your post wrong and thought you were asking me my next steps

As I expected he didn't have a great evening, couldn't settle with keep going over it in his head and ended up putting his mattress on my bedroom floor and sleeping in my room.

I guess part of the problem is this shop doesn't always give receipts, they ask if you want one and he said no. I've told him to always say yes now as that way he has his proof to show straight away. It'll take him a while to work through the embarassement as other Mum said the shop was really busy, so loads of people saw which is absolutely my son's worst nightmare.

@user1488791477 you actually did very well especially with all the encouragement to dash down and make hell!
Your measured response was actually very good.

[quote MichelleScarn]@user1488791477 you actually did very well especially with all the encouragement to dash down and make hell!
Your measured response was actually very good.[/quote]
I've long learnt with my son's ASD that his perception can way off, so I do always need to take a step back to assess rather than go in all guns blazing. He was so inisitant yesterday afternoon that he was physically pulled back by his bag, even demonstrating on me what happened, I genuinely thought other Mum would confirm it. Not his fault I know, as clearly that's how it felt to him, just something we always have to be mindful of

Are people here sure that security guards aren't allowed to touch/restrain people ? Because I've seen plenty do that if people don't stop when asked. In fact I've been there when security ran after the person out of sainsburys, through the car park and into the distance, then brought the person back to sainsburys and restrained them in the foyer area until police came.

@HeadPain

Are people here sure that security guards aren't allowed to touch/restrain people ? Because I've seen plenty do that if people don't stop when asked. In fact I've been there when security ran after the person out of sainsburys, through the car park and into the distance, then brought the person back to sainsburys and restrained them in the foyer area until police came.

This why I wanted to check if I would BU to complain as I've seen adults detained with a guard holding their arm but I wasn't sure if it was allowed for a child. As it turns out it's not applicable for me now but would be good to know in case it ever does happen.

The security guard does not have the right to put their hands on ANYONE, regardless of whether they are a child or not. It is classed as assault (ex used to be a security guard). The most they can do is ask to check someone's bag. The person can refuse. If the security guard has witnessed the entire situation start to finish without taking their eyes away once, they could call the police. Most security guards are on a power trip and think the laws around their jobs don't apply to them.
Just to say I haven't stolen anything 😂 I just know those are the rules!

You need to complain to Tesco and also to the company the security guard works for (they'll be a company like G4S or some other security company hired by Tesco).
I hope your son is ok.