Birthday

[embarrassedbirthday]

I don't know whether I'm being silly about this so I thought I'd just ask. I had a milestone birthday just over a month ago. I didn't get a card or anything from my parents or (adult) siblings. I'm really not expecting big gifts or gestures, but surely a card or just a cheap bunch of flowers is reasonable to expect, especially for a milestone? It's not like gift giving isn't a thing in my family either. I've seen them all multiple times since so it's not that they have just forgotten and brought it later etc. It's just never been mentioned. I won't be saying anything but I feel a little bit upset by it, but then I feel embarrassed and silly for thinking that! AIBU to feel a bit put out?

Do you usually get cards from them every year, or do you just do cards on 'milestone' type birthdays in your family? If you only usually do cards for milestone birthdays, I'm wondering if they maybe have a different idea of what a milestone birthday is?

But if it's normal for you to get cards every year from your family (and assuming you send cards to them, of course) then yes, it's a bit crap of them not to do anything this year.

My mum had a birthday last autumn and all her cards turned up very late because of an issue at the sorting office - but it was more like a week late than a month.

Hi, yes we do cards and gifts for all birthdays, Christmas, mother's/father's day etc. I have seen them in person and they would never post a card so it's not that. I got "happy birthday" messages on a group chat, after another person had said it and then of course everyone chimed in to wish me a happy birthday.

I think you should tell them that you feel hurt. Otherwise it will be difficult to let go of the resentment.

It's a difficult time for a lot of people and maybe they lost track of how old you are. Or maybe they are just thoughtless, either way I think it's a good idea to tell them.

Happy Belated Birthday

Crappy of them.

Oh well I'd take it as a sign they no longer want to do the card/gift giving and enjoy not having to bother giving them anything more than a message too.

Bit lousy op. Are they cutting out birthdays? My mother doesnt make fuss of any big ones now! My friend stop acknowledging mine so I know where I stand! They should have got you a card at least

Hi, I don't know if they are giving up on acknowledging birthdays but it would have been nice to have a heads up if so! One of them had a birthday (not milestone) a week before mine and everyone (including me) got them cards and gifts. If they don't want to do birthdays any more that's fine but it's going to be awkward now next time I have to decide what to get for one of their birthdays.

Op its not nice can see why you would be hurt

I stopped receiving birthday and Xmas cards when I left home 30 years ago

Have laugh my mother makes no fuss but when hers comes round) . Op I would make zero fuss of theirs going forward. I only buy for close friends now and big birthdays

@embarrassedbirthday

Hi, I don't know if they are giving up on acknowledging birthdays but it would have been nice to have a heads up if so! One of them had a birthday (not milestone) a week before mine and everyone (including me) got them cards and gifts. If they don't want to do birthdays any more that's fine but it's going to be awkward now next time I have to decide what to get for one of their birthdays.

It won't be awkward, you just don't get any of them anything. Obviously a text is all that's expected now.

It's mean of spirit and that is the worst kind of mean. You have every right to feel hurt, it's a milestone birthday and if a fuss was made a week before your birthday then why were you left out. Can you mention it to a sibling or parent - if only out if curiosity.

I would be not be joining in for whip rounds or celebratory dinners from now on. Not when it's so one sided.

YANBU and I'd let them know they actions (or lack of such) hurt. Even a simple Smartshow 3d birthday video would do after all, ignoring a birthday is not nice on its own, leave alone the milestone one.

Thank you. I appreciate all the responses.

Of course YANBU to feel put out. I’m not that big on birthdays but I’d be upset and want to know why my close family ignored any birthday of mine, let alone a milestone one. How rude.

@embarrassedbirthday

Hi, I don't know if they are giving up on acknowledging birthdays but it would have been nice to have a heads up if so! One of them had a birthday (not milestone) a week before mine and everyone (including me) got them cards and gifts. If they don't want to do birthdays any more that's fine but it's going to be awkward now next time I have to decide what to get for one of their birthdays.

That's easy. Give them a big fat nothing.

Is there any reason you haven’t mentioned it to them op? If this was my birthday I think I would probably have gone for a full-on toddler style tantrum at my family, I definitely wouldn’t have just let it go quietly. I would speak to them about it so they know how hurt you are.

I don't want to say anything because I don't want to seem grabby. I know it's not right to expect gifts or cards and people can choose to give or not give. That's why I feel silly for being a bit upset by it. But it's so different from the usual pattern that it does feel like singling out.

The next birthdays no you not getting into it as nothing for yours. Op that is lousy not nice at all.

Could they have forgotten? I had a birthday last month and most of my family forgot it. Been like this since I was a child. I don't expect a parade but maybe just a message of happy birthday. I suggest you don't bother with them in the view that maybe they aren't doing cards or presents anymore.

Happy belated birthday! Go treat yourself to something nice.