To ask how to support my son?

[Simples843]

Posting for traffic here to be honest - please be kind. My lo aged 20 months had his first settle session at nursery yesterday. After a chat they took him into the room and he lasted 10 minutes before they brought him back to me in the waiting room in absolute awful tears, gasping and really really upset. I've never ever seen him like that.

He is due to be starting part time just a couple of afternoons a week to let me have some time to build back my freelance work after covid. I'm now starting to worry it's too horrible for him, even though it felt like the right decision.

The nursery say no parents in the room due to Covid which I find a bit tiresome since all restrictions are ended. We had a look round together last week so he has seen the room before. But I read that settling works better when the parent can gradually disengage and then leave, rather than just placing the child in the room by themselves.

We are due to go back for more settle sessions this afternoon and tomorrow. Does anyone have any advice on how I can best support my son? I really hate to see him so very upset and stressed, it made me question the whole thing.

I had similar OP and its heartbreaking, In the end I decided my dd was just too young at the time and binned the whole thing. I tried everything from her taking her favourite toy for comfort,to having a little snack to go in with, to saying mummy is off to the loo be back in a minute,,you go with xxx wont be long (hoping she would lforget!) I even tried her dad taking her so I didnt have to see the meltdown, Sadly for us nothing worked, I gave it 6 months and tried again it worked out just fine then and we didnt look back, I have no answers for you sadly just to let you know you are not alone!

Omg this is so sad! What age was she?

I'm wondering if I've made a mistake and a childminder would be better...

20m is a really difficult age to settle a child in childcare who has never been before. You arent alone.

When we settled our two we did it very gradually. First a 30 min visit with me. Then two 1 hour sessions without me. Then 2 2hour sessions. Then 2 mornings. Etc.

However, we chose a childminder with children of varying ages. This worked well as the 2 & 3 year old she had were happily playing together which meant she could give my 1 year old a lot of cuddles while chatting to the older ones. I think it's harder in nurseries where the babies are all the same age as their needs are very similar.

@Simples843

Omg this is so sad! What age was she?

She was 19 months so similar age.It just boiled down to the fact she wasn;t ready. I think also she was an only child so wasnt really used to mixing and it was a happy and lively enviroment and that threw her a bit too, I began going to the dreaded soft play to help her confidence and get used to more stimulating enviroments and that seemed to help after a while.