To think that it is easier said than done to get kids off social media in 2022?

[malificent7]

This is the advice dished out on here and very sensible it is too as i think social media has much to answer for....but it is not as easy as all that.

Firstly, dd (13)says all her friends are on insta and that's how they communicate. Of course she WOULD say that...its bollocks but during lockdown being able to communicate with friends via insta, houseparty, snapchat, tiktok was VITAL in maintaining her need for connection and maintaining mental health.

She had to beg hard for these apps ...i wasnt keen but in any case, how could i stop her from downloading them anyway unless i constantly policed her phone which i can't do as i work ft?

We live in a different world and it's scary.I am out of my depth with all this phone stuff. Us adults and our parents had the usual teen concerns of drink, drugs, sex, mental health but we didn't have social media so we don't know what to do about it.

The trouble is, it's part of teen life and culture now, just as raves, J17 and mixmag were in the 90s and the beatles, mods and rockers were on the 60s. Much teen culture happens on social media now....tiktok spawns number 1 hits, things go viral. For teens, its a world that THEY explore that is inaccessible from parents and that scares us but it is their way of rebelling/ having their own culture.

So i am wanting to limit dds time on social media but she is ill with covid and at home with dp....( not her dad) She quite rightly points out that i am a hypocrite as I am on mn a lot which is social media. Mumsnet was a lifesaver to me when i was a single mum with a tiny baby...it was company and connection and still is. It dishes out great advice and toxic advice. How do u keep your teen off social media when the rest of the teen ( and adult,) world is on it? Is it fair to take them away from their way of vonnecting with friends?
She does go out a lot with friends when well and does d of e which involves lots of activities and sports so its not all phone based stuff.

I do tell her that insta etc is a fake world that only shows the best side of life and her friends block people they don't know.

Ds1 (18) only joined FB, Snapchat etc last year when planning to go to university. His choice.

Ds2 (13) is on WhatsApp, Snapchat and twitch. No fb.

It's not that hard to set boundaries. SM causes SUCH awful things in schools (peer on peer abuse, sexual harassment, cyber bullying...) it's just not something young kids should have access to.

(School governor here)

Just make sure your child knows you will monitor use and set up parental controls.

So how do you set up parental controls if your child point blank refuses to let u have their phone?

You can put blocks on downloading apps

You can say you’ll check regularly. To be honest, I’d keep them off. They can communicate via WhatsApp and messaging.

Instagram/tik tok etc aren’t the same as a talk forum. MN can be toxic and I know I’ve had to step away at times, but it compares nothing to the fakeness on social media which I found horrible when I was struggling with being a new parent!

@malificent7

So how do you set up parental controls if your child point blank refuses to let u have their phone?

I would stop paying for their phone if they did that!

Who is paying for the phone?

@Opal8

Ds1 (18) only joined FB, Snapchat etc last year when planning to go to university. His choice.

Ds2 (13) is on WhatsApp, Snapchat and twitch. No fb.

It's not that hard to set boundaries. SM causes SUCH awful things in schools (peer on peer abuse, sexual harassment, cyber bullying...) it's just not something young kids should have access to.

(School governor here)

I’d rather Facebook than Snapchat! Facebook isn’t used that much by the younger crowd.

You take it off her. You’re paying for it I assume? Then you put parental controls on it and monitor her use and restrict how much she uses it. She’s 13 not 18.

@malificent7

So how do you set up parental controls if your child point blank refuses to let u have their phone?

This isn't a real question, is it?

Don't let her have a smart phone.
By time she is able to buy one herself, she might be responsible enough to actually use social media.

A 13 year old can’t refuse to give you the phone. You pay for it and you’re the parent so take the phone off them and add some parental controls. Of course you can keep them off social media at 13.

My dd is only 10 so no social media but she has an (old) iPhone, if she wants to download anything it pings my phone and I have to approve it first. All apps over age 12 are blocked and there’s a filter on the internet etc etc, screentime is limited and switches off at 6.30. It’s really easy to set up. I trust her tbh but if she abused that trust I’d take it straight off her.

Honestly, if you want to and decide it’s worth the row, you set the phone up with parental controls. You decide if she downloads an app. You can block sites via web browser. You can set the phone to stop working overnight.

If you don’t want to have the argument, that’s different. And I wouldn’t try doing it when she’s ill and not with you.

But what I’ve found (13yo dd) is that WhatsApp is vital for not missing out. The rest she can get glimpses on other peoples phones, and would like them, but it’s not a game changer in the way WhatsApp is. We’ve compromised on 15 minutes a day Insta, with a private and locked down profile. We have said no to TikTok, as there’s no way to manage that black box algorithm to prevent it showing increasingly extreme pro ana or self harm or other harmful stuff, if that’s what she starts to look at.

I’m sure it’s different at different schools and in different friendship groups. So it’ll take negotiation with your dd to work out what is key for her happiness and what is just nice to have.

@malificent7, hide the chargers. She has until her phone runs out of charge to hand it over or she essentially has a brick.

She gets it back when you both have a grip on how she's using it and parental controls are in place. "I'm not givingyou my phone" in this house would mean it finds its way into a bucket of water. Not a phrase that would be uttered twice.

This thread doesn’t include a lot of the detail your previous one did. You were sure that what she’s accessing on social is increasing her severe anxiety and actively adding to her problems so this isn’t a general query is it, you need ways to get a handle on it asap and the will to do so.

Put limits on her phone time and you will have to set an example if you want to show her that it’s not healthy to be on your phone too much

I assume you pay for this phone?????

God grief, who is the adult here!?

You could contact one of the child charities for advice?
Many have specific advice re: sm.
Try nspcc etc

If they wont let you have access to stop paying for phone!