AIBU....[Content warning added by MNHQ: Concerns stillbirth]

[1stMummytobe]

Hi...
so I really want opinions on the situation I find myself in...I gave birth to a beautiful stillborn baby boy last year 8 months ago now, this is an incredible hard time for me. when I was pregnant I really included my mum and my MIL keeping both updated on scans. I was always super aware of my MIL as I didn't ever want her feeling like my own mum was being more involved then her. So after our beautiful boy was born and died I feel like she tuned into a grief hijacker, firstly she ask me for a lock of my babies hair before we buried him which I said yes to but never gave to her I only said yes at the time because I wasn't thinking straight. the months following his death she would ring me complaining know body asks her she is doing or she's really sick etc. I always put up with this as I didn't want to cause trouble, then at on Christmas morning I briefly saw my baby's name tattooed across her arm I never in my life felt so sick or hurt. Everyone knew about the tattoo that she had since one month after his death. I cant understand how she didn't think I Deserved to know, how she could just let me walk into that, my DH also knew about the tattoo and didn't tell me which I think is incredible hurtful. she now knows I know about the tattoo but is continuing on as if noting is wrong and doesn't seem to care that she upset me. I have never felt so betrayed in my whole life.
am I being silly?

I don't really know what to say OP. I'm sorry for your loss. My daughter was stillborn 3 years ago. I can understand being upset that your MIL seems to be focussed on her own grief. She could have told you about the tattoo but maybe you could try to see it as a good thing that she cares enough to do that. I have been upset over the years that my family and in laws don't acknowledge the daughter I lost. I definitely don't think that you're being silly but since the tattoo likely isn't going anywhere it would be better for you if you can find a way not to be upset about it

I would also maybe move this to the bereavement topic or mention in the title what the AIBU is about as it could be triggering for some.

Sorry for your loss op. I've been there too it fuckin hurts.
Everyone grieves differently and you a his mum will of course be grieving completely differently.
This may be her way of coping and I'm sorry that it's upset you even more but you have no right to tell her how to deal with this, the same way its absolutely nothing to do with her how you deal with this loss.
She is probably in as much disbelief as you are and is trying to keep his memory alive and maybe she knew it would upset you and that's why she didn't mention it.
Maybe look at some therapy for yourself so you aren't fixating in things that in the grand scheme of things certainly don't make your mother in law a grief tourist.

Sorry for you loss.

Expecting you to enquire or support her grief is unbelievable, she should absolutely not expect that or say anything other than asking how you are.

I think tattoo is her choice though a heads up from dh would have been better than a shock. I expect he is also struggling and managing his mother is another stress for him too.

I’d distance myself from her as it sounds like she has boundary issues. How often do you have to see her/speak with her? Have you told her directly about how you’re feeling?