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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel irked when people have full on conversations on FaceTime in a public rest area?

51 replies

Yellowleadbetter · 28/02/2022 07:16

I was at training last week.
Every break and lunchtime there were at least 2 people having full on FaceTime conversations with people in the rest area.
About shite though.
Nothing of importance was discussed, just what you doing? Has the dog been out? what shall we have for tea? (No MH issues btw)
These convos went on for the entirety of the breaks.
Loud.
It bloody ruined peaceful breaks on a tough and intensely packed training course.
It was impossible to have conversations with others on the course.
It’s antisocial & selfish isn’t it?
Infringing on every single other person there.
Why the fuck do people think this is ok? Go and do it somewhere else ffs.

Show me my arse if you don’t mind this, but it got right on my nerves.

OP posts:
DDivaStar · 28/02/2022 07:53

@babyjellyfish none of us were in the room.

I like quiet during my break so I take an early slot which is generally quieter, I don't expect any one else to change what they want to do. If the room is too loud move to another area. If lots want quiet ask the offenders to be quiet. I just don't see why the default is silence.

Lurking9to5 · 28/02/2022 07:54

Yanbu
I had to sit near a couple facetiming their toddler recently
Give me strength

marqueses · 28/02/2022 07:55

@Momicrone

Daisypond so it's OK for me to play loud music or watch a movie? Public face timers are rude self centred entitled knobs
I couldn't have put it better myself

What kind of selfish idiot thinks it's OK to have a video call/speakerphone conversation in public anywhere?

Associatepeggy · 28/02/2022 08:01

Just been thinking about this. Me and dp use face time, because he is almost completely deaf. It's easier if he can see my lips moving.

However, I would never do it in any shared area anymore than I would play music, watch YouTube etc without headphones on. It is absolutely rude. Anyone who says "no different to watch tiktoks loudly" is right and that's rude as well.

Lurking9to5 · 28/02/2022 08:02

@Toomanypeople

I agree, I've had it on buses and trains where people seem to think we all want to hear the entire loud conversation! If someone FaceTimed me in a public place I would call them back later
I used to have to encounter a toddler being taught to count by super dad of the year. Then when the child had mastered counting, they repeated the torture in irish. They got off at a university and super dad was a lecturer i think. I couldnt read my book because of his witterings. A few times i tried but when he got on a few stops after me, i put the book away with a sigh. Im not passive aggressive by nature though so once when he sat near me, i asked him to keep it down. He looked shocked but said "i use my time productively". I wish id said, but I can't do anything with this time except listen to this pantomime.
crosbystillsandmash · 28/02/2022 08:03

Omfg yes!!!
I spent a few nights in hospital last year with teenage ds.
The man in the bed next to us FaceTimed his family and friend all bloody day.
It started after breakfast and went on for hours. His wife, adult children, grandchildren etc it was relentless and the same (loud) conversation over and over again.
I was on the brink of losing my shit and I'm a very patient person by nature!

babyjellyfish · 28/02/2022 08:07

[quote DDivaStar]@babyjellyfish none of us were in the room.

I like quiet during my break so I take an early slot which is generally quieter, I don't expect any one else to change what they want to do. If the room is too loud move to another area. If lots want quiet ask the offenders to be quiet. I just don't see why the default is silence.[/quote]
It's annoying whatever room it is in.

Nobody is saying the default should be silence. But the default should be calm and quiet.

If you want to play music, wear headphones.

If you want to make a phone call, speak quietly and don't put the other person on speakerphone. (Or go somewhere else, but I happen to think you shouldn't Facetime in public at all, because there will always be someone around who you are probably annoying. Save it for when you're at home or in a hotel room or something.)

When you Facetime or put someone on speakerphone you are much much louder than if you were making a normal phone call. Not only can everyone hear both sides of the conversation and not just yours, but you also speak more loudly because your mouth isn't right next to the microphone.

Also, people Facetime when they want to chat shit. You don't Facetime your other half to say "can you pick me up from the station at 7 o'clock?" or "can you put the heating on?" or "do you need me to pick anything up from the shops on the way home?"

You do it because you're bored and have a window of time you want to fill. So the Facetime conversations are invariably loud, inane nonsense that will last until the break is over and not a second less.

Mrsjayy · 28/02/2022 08:07

It's really irritating I'm very old and don't understand the need to face time or be on the phone for a chat in public nobody needs to be Involved in their conversations yet there they are on buses in cafes training course rest areas ! Yanbu but I'm probably just as miserable as you 😃

Momicrone · 28/02/2022 08:08

Ddiva - no-one said the default is silence, but why people can't wear headphones when using noisy electronic gadgets I have no idea, it's just selfish.

Lemonyfuckit · 28/02/2022 08:17

I completely agree OP and often find myself wondering when did people think it became acceptable (I don't think it's acceptable) to have phone calls on speaker / play videos etc on their phone without headphones, in public places?
My DH and I were having dinner in a restaurant one time, it was quite late in the evening and there was a couple at the next table with a toddler eating just playing Children's tv for him on the iPad at the dining table in this restaurant to keep him occupied whilst they ate dinner. Wtf?!

Georgeskitchen · 28/02/2022 08:18

Highly annoying, just text.

Lemonyfuckit · 28/02/2022 08:18

@daisypond

Is the rest area a designated quiet area? If not, people can do what they like during their breaks. Maybe chatting to a friend on FaceTime is what they want to do for a bit of r&r.
Yes of course - but use bloody headphones to do it!
Associatepeggy · 28/02/2022 08:19

The only options are silence or people sat on facetime or loud intrusive noise?

mudgetastic · 28/02/2022 08:35

Is anyone ever tempted to join in the conversation?

Or if someone is playing music, to put a louder different tune on ?

Momicrone · 28/02/2022 09:01

To me it's the equivalent of dropping litter, or leaving dog shit, it's a fuck you to everyone around you, not caring how you affect others

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 28/02/2022 09:12

I'm a very nosy person so I love it when people FaceTime - I can eavesdrop on both sides of the conversation! The only time I don't like it is when the conversation isn't in English so I can't follow it. That's inconsiderate.

HollowTalk · 28/02/2022 09:16

@ANameChangeAgain

I would personally want to keep my conversation to myself, but having someone facetime nearby wouldn't bother me any more than having two people next to me having a conversation.
It's always seems much louder though than two people having a conversation.
Shattered04 · 28/02/2022 09:20

Totally agree, it completely does my head in. Disclaimer: I do have ASD and ADHD, so I'm a lot more sensitive to it than many.

The very worst one for me recently was when I was in hospital after having post-operative complications, and the single other patient in the shared ward was doing it constantly (aside from a brief break when they went to the toilet) during all their waking hours. Not exaggerating. Just casual chit chat with the family at home (including shrieking children), and not obviously support/reassurance. Well, let's just say I had some dark thoughts, probably because I was fighting a serious post-op infection and I'd not slept in 36 hours either, and still couldn't then. I was in a bad place mentally as a result and didn't feel able to say anything.

TrashyPanda · 28/02/2022 09:23

Next time, have a word with the tutor.
They can mention to the whole group that due to consideration for others, FaceTime conversations should be carried out in a different area.

Baruchd · 28/02/2022 10:35

Thing is, most people talking normally do so much more quietly than those having a phone conversation. It is an interesting psychological fact that we all tend to speak more loudly on phones and video links.

It is possible to ameliorate this and force yourself to talk more quietly on the phone. Try it; you may be surprised to find you can still be heard over the phone link. And every so often, on a train, for instance, you may spot someone who has learned to do this. Hats off, indeed, if you are one of those intelligent people!

Most people, though, do simply shout when on the phone or video link, which it is why it is so annoying. My response, in public places when I get annoyed, is quietly to ask the shouting person to speak more quietly, and if they do not, ask them to do so at the same volume at which they are shouting. Of course this can escalate. But, well, so far things have not got violent. And two people shouting at each other is no worse than one person shouting into a phone.

As for using speakers instead of headphones, well on trains at least you can call on one of the railway byelaws (Byelaw 7, (1), (ii) explicitly forbids this unless prior written permission has been gained from the train Operator). Elsewhere there may be similar laws or rules.

In a workplace or other restroom, you may need to argue the case. Good luck! It may help that you can be sure you are in the right, pace one or two of the idiots posting here. Of course people should be considerate of those who may not want to have noise imposed on them, be that noise shouting, video soundtrack or the inconsiderate one's own choice of music.

(Always awful music, ime, played by inconsiderates. I suppose undeveloped ethical sensibility marries with undeveloped aesthetic sensibility; I have yet to hear, say, a Gardiner Bach cantata or an Ashkenazi Mozart piano concerto played by a selfish person in a public place to the annoyance of others. Ed Sheeran, Sam Fender, say? -- A different matter. )

JudgeJ · 28/02/2022 14:02

@Lurking9to5

Yanbu I had to sit near a couple facetiming their toddler recently Give me strength
Couldn't you find a bit of Formula 1 on your phone, a really, really noisy bit! My late OH and I would take great delight in shops, where someone was having a shout-fest with someone on the phone, talking across them. Fractious toddlers also have their uses in these situations.
Ionlydomassiveones · 28/02/2022 14:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Noideaatall · 28/02/2022 18:40

I was in a school performance the other day when a grandma's phone started ringing loudly while a child was speaking. Everyone looked at her - she apologetically fumbled around trying to get to it, looking sheepish.
Then she answered it...

user1471519931 · 28/02/2022 20:09

I was recently on an airport bus with a trainee crew member of a cheap airline, who took her mask off to FaceTime her mate, talking shite, including comparing birth stories. STFU!! Bus was silent. I was next to her. Had to retain my snorts.

Lurking9to5 · 28/02/2022 22:05

Birth stories omg 😲