To ask for his surname?

[Nocluedater]

I exchanged some nice messages with a man on an online dating site. He suggested swapping numbers so we could chat. I gave him my number and he messaged me. I replied asking him what his surname is and giving him mine. His response was, ‘that’s a bit random. Do you want to do a credit check on me 😂?’ He did give me his surname but I found is response off-putting. Aibu to ask for a surname? Or am I not being unreasonable and his response is odd?

You're not unreasonable to want to check someone out. But he's also not unreasonable to not want a stranger stalking him on the Internet.

I'd never give any details to someone who could then find out personal information about me until I have a feel for who they are.

Can you not just enjoy going on a date?

The problem with asking for a surname in this way is basically you're telling the other person that you don't trust them. You only need their surname at this stage if you want to check up on them in some way, and that means you don't trust them. Either that or you're a stalker.

Generally in a relationship you'll find out their surname as part of the natural development of things. They'll give you their address, you'll see their bank card, it'll be on their email, etc.

Next time say "what's your surname - I need to make sure you're not any of my friends exes"

But also a surname from a stranger doesn't really mean anything, could be fake.

@MorningStarling

The problem with asking for a surname in this way is basically you're telling the other person that you don't trust them. You only need their surname at this stage if you want to check up on them in some way, and that means you don't trust them. Either that or you're a stalker.

Generally in a relationship you'll find out their surname as part of the natural development of things. They'll give you their address, you'll see their bank card, it'll be on their email, etc.

That’s not the problem here. It’s very wise to mistrust men on dating sites and you shouldn’t let them think you do trust them. If anything OP was too trusting by handing out her own surname so soon.

I would be vary wary if somebody doesn't want to disclose their surname.

It would be extremely foolish to hand out your surname to someone you've never met before.

I don't think I've had the surname of any of the men I've met before meeting them. There have been other men where my instincts just don't trust them, and so I haven't agreed to meet them at all, even though on paper, they're not really different from men I have met.

Yes, I would find it weird if someone asked me for my surname

I don't think I've had the surname of any of the men I've met before meeting them

I haven't always known their first name...

I like to know at least a first name, even if it doesn't match their bank card or passport. (I don't know. The tons of Daves and Steves and Pauls round my age means I sometimes have to think twice about which one I'm talking to, and what this one has told me/I've told them...)