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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about my girlfriend?

31 replies

WorriedF1987 · 27/02/2022 22:30

We don't live together-she's an hour's drive away. We've been together 18 months, see one another every couple of weeks, or more if we can.

She always texts me all the time. If either one of us is unable to for any reason we'll usually say 'right I'm going to go to X now, will text when I get back', she's even more conscientious about this than I am.

She last texted me at 7pm and I've sent a reply, but nothing back.

She was at a friend's earlier and has a longish walk home. She'd usually text to say she's on her way home though too and hasn't.

AIBU to be worried? Should I text friend and ask if she's still there or has she gone and perhaps something happened on the way home? Is that silly and will I appear like a crazed stalker? It's just so out of character.

She hasn't been online at all in that time either.

WWYD?

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 27/02/2022 22:33

Phone died?

HiJenny35 · 27/02/2022 22:34

She's probably still at her friend's and her phone has ran out of charge however if you are concerned and it's not like her it's not wrong to just drop friend a text saying "hi, haven't heard from x in a few hours, no issue at all but I know she had a long walk home in the dark so just wanted to check if you'd heard from her." Probably being paranoid but better to be safe than sorry.

Ohyesiam · 27/02/2022 22:35

Text the friend. Hope she’s ok

Original poster
WorriedF1987 · 27/02/2022 22:36

Thank you-I did consider her phone might have died, but she'd have just used her friend's charger OR messaged me from her friend's phone as I think she'd know I would worry.

I just don't want to sound like I am cracked! If you don't think I will, I'll text her friend. Thanks!

OP posts:
pastypirate · 27/02/2022 22:36

@HiJenny35

She's probably still at her friend's and her phone has ran out of charge however if you are concerned and it's not like her it's not wrong to just drop friend a text saying "hi, haven't heard from x in a few hours, no issue at all but I know she had a long walk home in the dark so just wanted to check if you'd heard from her." Probably being paranoid but better to be safe than sorry.
Please do this - honestly better to be safe
abw94 · 27/02/2022 22:37

Best to check rather than regret

PurpleDaisies · 27/02/2022 22:38

@WorriedF1987

Thank you-I did consider her phone might have died, but she'd have just used her friend's charger OR messaged me from her friend's phone as I think she'd know I would worry.

I just don't want to sound like I am cracked! If you don't think I will, I'll text her friend. Thanks!

Or her phone died on the way home.
Original poster
WorriedF1987 · 27/02/2022 22:39

I've messaged her. Was worried I'd sound unhinged, but as you've all implied, if anything has happened and I've not let anyone know, I'd feel terrible.

I'm not a social media expert but I don't THINK her phone has died as I am getting a 'received' message back when I've messaged her.

OP posts:
PerditaPerdita · 27/02/2022 22:40

Call the friend RIGHT NOW and check if she's left or not, and explain the issue - that there's no response from her phone. Better to check and feel a bit sheepish than not.

CALL. NOW.

And tell us it's all OK!!

SonicBroom · 27/02/2022 22:41

You’ve done the right thing. Hope all is ok

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2022 22:41

What happens when you ring her?

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2022 22:42

@PerditaPerdita

Call the friend RIGHT NOW and check if she's left or not, and explain the issue - that there's no response from her phone. Better to check and feel a bit sheepish than not.

CALL. NOW.

And tell us it's all OK!!

Errrm I'm pretty sure the OP would've been calling 'NOW' for quite some time?
PurpleDaisies · 27/02/2022 22:44

I'm not a social media expert but I don't THINK her phone has died as I am getting a 'received' message back when I've messaged her.

Haven’t you tried ringing?

Original poster
WorriedF1987 · 27/02/2022 22:52

She's home safe :)

I've had a reply from friend, a different friend dropped her off.

Friend said she wasn't feeling well and they were all a bit worried about her hence dropping her off, so I can assume she went straight to bed, still unlike her to not text me but at least I know nothing awful has happened now! Thank you all!

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/02/2022 22:58

I wonder what she’ll think of this in the morning.

Original poster
WorriedF1987 · 27/02/2022 23:01

@PurpleDaisies I hope she knows It's because I care and doesn't just think I'm mad :)

OP posts:
goodnightgrumble · 27/02/2022 23:03

Has she had a drink? I am useless at texts after drinking.

PurpleDaisies · 27/02/2022 23:04

I would find it utterly bizarre that my boyfriend who I saw once a fortnight checked up on me via my friends rather than trying to ring me.

Avocadobacardi · 27/02/2022 23:14

Whilst I appreciate your concern and I’m. Glad she’s fine this sounds way too intense. No contact for 3.5 hours and you’re ringing to check up on her. Who how often are you in touch on a normal day?

I’d say today my partner and I have had a lot of contact. He stayed last night and left at 9.30. No contact till about 4.30 and then on and off most of the evening. Yesterday was a bit of chat from 8.30 - 9.30 and then nothing until 5 when he said he was on his way over. Weekdays would be a couple of messages first thing about 8am and then nothing until about 5.30 to say we’ve finished work and then more chat from about 8.30.

saraclara · 27/02/2022 23:27

Whilst I appreciate your concern and I’m. Glad she’s fine this sounds way too intense. No contact for 3.5 hours and you’re ringing to check up on her. Who how often are you in touch on a normal day?

That. This sounds weirdly intense to me. And clearly it has a downside in that any silence (of a length that is perfectly normal for the vast majority of people) has you in a panic.

I know that not every relationship is the same, but yours seems to be very dependent on constant messaging and knowing exactly where you each are at any time, which doesn't sound all that healthy, to be honest.

Original poster
WorriedF1987 · 27/02/2022 23:37

I think I put in my OP that we're in touch all day normally. I am not bothered if she doesn't text, I am bothered about the out of character element of it. She always messages to say she's on her way home, always messages goodnight.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorriedF1987 · 27/02/2022 23:39

and sorry, I couldn't ring because I was at work

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/02/2022 23:41

But you could post on mumsnet and text?

Weird.

Original poster
WorriedF1987 · 28/02/2022 00:11

I work on a helpline, so yes I can post and text, but I can't make a call in case one comes through.

OP posts:
WhackingPhoenix · 28/02/2022 01:03

@PurpleDaisies

I wonder what she’ll think of this in the morning.
Sarah Everard is still very fresh in all of our minds. I wouldn’t mind at all of my partner contacted my friends to make sure I was alright.