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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sad for DS2 now that DS1 is outgrowing family holidays

15 replies

Sarahcoggles · 27/02/2022 15:10

I’m a single parent to DS1 (16) and DS2 (13). They get on well and have similar interests, so we’ve always gone on holidays and UK mini breaks, the 3 of us, and had lots of fun over the years. (There is father involved at all).

DS2 still wants to do this, but DS1 is starting to say things like “can’t we stay at home so I can hang out with my mates”. All completely normal and expected at his age.

But it makes me sad for DS2, that his holiday experiences will be cut short, while DS1 was able to carry on until he wanted to stop.

I know I could take DS2 and a friend, but although he has lots of friends, none of them feel close enough to actually take away with us. And of course it adds a whole new layer of stress for me if we take a kid who isn’t family.

How have other people navigated this situation?

OP posts:

Original poster

Sarahcoggles · 27/02/2022 15:11

Sorry that should say there is NO father involved at all

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 27/02/2022 15:13

I'd talk to DS1 about it, explain the situation, see if he can be persuaded. It won't kill him to spend a few days/a week with his family, he can hang out with his friends all the rest of the time.

FairWindClearSailing · 27/02/2022 15:14

Surely the summer would still work? Would your eldest not be ok with a week out of the whole summer holidays?
And I'd maybe just take younger DS away on your own at other times.

skyeisthelimit · 27/02/2022 15:16

I would be asking DS1 to go on your main holiday for the sake of DS2 and point out that it is only a couple of years more before DS2 is 16. Then maybe go on another break with just DS2, to a theme park or anything that would interest him, and leave DS1 at home.

DS1's friends will still be there when he gets back

Smartiepants79 · 27/02/2022 15:20

I would be expecting my child to be prepared to spend a week with his family to go on holiday. It’s not like your asking him to start work down the mines.
As others have said explain why it matters to you and his brother. Hopefully he will understand and come along with good grace and enjoys some time with his sibling. It is only another couple of years.

Original poster

Sarahcoggles · 27/02/2022 15:33

To be fair he’s not said this about our main summer holiday - he’s happy to go away for a week then.
But one of his friends is trying to arrange a birthday activity in the Easter holidays, which happens to be in the week that I’ve got off work. I said it might be tricky as we may be going away for a few days (it would only be 3 nights, not the whole week), so I said if possible it would be better if the birthday activity was the start or end of the week, so the middle was kept free. And that’s when he started moaning that he might not want to go away. And then started grumbling about it in general, saying that sometimes he’d rather stay at home and see his mates.

OP posts:

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/02/2022 15:40

If he's still willing to go on the summer holiday then I'd let him stay home alone at Easter (as long as you have relatives/neighbours you can rely on nearby). There's no reason why your younger son needs to miss out. It might be nice to spend time together.

Ragwort · 27/02/2022 15:43

I can remember loathing family family holidays when I was a teen and my DPs respected that and I was able to stay at home, with DGPs coming to stay with me. I appreciate it's tough but there's nothing worse than forcing an unwilling teenager on a family holiday. Why can't you and DS2 go away and do something special together?

gogohm · 27/02/2022 15:48

My DD's continued until 18, youngest came alone with me the last time (pre covid and may have continued except for lockdowns)

NuffSaidSam · 27/02/2022 15:53

I think if his only objection has been this one short break that is the same time as his friend's birthday then he is being perfectly reasonable tbh. Let him stay and go to his friend's birthday and then do something later in the year all of you together.

Littlebluebird123 · 27/02/2022 16:00

My younger sister went on several lovely holidays with just my parents when my brother and I aged out of family holidays. She loved it. She was spoiled as well as it's cheaper to take one child and there was no debate/compromise on what to do.

TyrannosaurusRights · 27/02/2022 16:04

Do you like the activities? Could you participate with DC2 instead? Or is there a group that DC2 could join to participate instead - eg the cadet groups offer plenty of hiking trips, adventure training weekends/weeks, and depending on the unit things like a week sailing, or a weekend doing sports training. I’m sure there are other similar options for other interests.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2022 16:06

TBH I think it's perfectly okay for him to want to stay home over Easter and see his mates.

Why not see if you can arrange for him to stay with a friend or a family member for a few days and go away with DS2 on his own?

Original poster

Sarahcoggles · 27/02/2022 16:17

It’s not so much this Easter - the birthday is flexible and no date has been set, so the birthday kid is happy to go with whatever date suits everyone best. It’s more the general shift, and the fact that family trips may be ending, which makes me sad for DS2. They’re good mates and neither of them ever feels like having my undivided attention is a bonus!

OP posts:

rookiemere · 27/02/2022 16:41

We have an only DS and have taken pals on a few trips. It's totally natural for DS16 to want to spend time with his pals and pull back from family holidays. Depending on budget can you go somewhere with activities like Neilson or a cruise where DS2 could meet other DCs?

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