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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How flexible are you over childcare with child's dad?

3 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 27/02/2022 14:19

I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable or a bit sensitive or what really. In a nutshell we have a mutual, non-court, agreement of childcare with our two children. We have a 70/30 set up. I've always made it very clear to him that outside of special occasions or events that I would like to stay to routine as much as possible because I think that going outside of routine affects one of our sons and also this is just what works for me so we've had that agreement in place. Anyway he asked me if he could have them one extra night next week which just didn't fit in with the plans I already have for next week so I responded saying that it wasn't really convenient unless it was a special occasion now will sort something out. Anyway I've got a bit of a sharp response back from him saying something to the effect of what plans do you have that make it so inconvenient to me to see them. That messages just really annoyed me. It doesn't really matter what my plans are, he chooses to work and have his own life and the childcare is always very much fit around what he wants and what his plans are. He never ever tells me what he does in his time with them, and he very much refers to his time with them as being his days but when he has availability and decides he wants to spend more time with them it's like my time with them is just because he's busy if that makes sense. I feel like every time he requests a change is always around what suits him and if I don't agree to it he gets funny with me. Like I said I could be being a bit sensitive over this and I'm expecting most of you to say that I am, however he has been emotionally abusive to me in the past so I do get easily triggered. I'm just wondering, am I Being unreasonable to want to stick to our routine as much as possible outside of special occasions or events?

OP posts:
Wednesdayafternoon · 27/02/2022 14:29

The more I think about his reply the more annoyed I feel! "What are you doing on a Wednesday that makes it inconvenient"..... does it actually matter?! Do I actually have to explain?! That's my time with them!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/02/2022 14:32

It sounds like an official agreement would be helpful. Unless he’s usually obstructive and they’d like to see him and you don’t have anything on he’s not wrong got asking. Flexibility should work both ways.

Wednesdayafternoon · 27/02/2022 14:37

It's not that I have an issue for him asking and I'm normally accommodating and agree. But at the same time, I've agreed to his request to days and he's agreed to stick to schedule for me. But when I don't agree to something he's arsey with me.

OP posts:
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