to hope dh would get up to ds in night too when I am PG and off work ill

[Minkus]

DS (3) is not sleeping particularly well at the moment and is getting up a couple of times in the night, wants to come into our bed for a cuddle etc. Most of the time I end up trying to get him to go back to his own bed on his own, failing miserably (possibly not trying hard enough as it's 3 am and I just want to sleep) and getting into his single bed with him just so we can both get some sleep.

I am 13 weeks pregnant, and have been quite poorly with hyperemesis for 8 weeks now so am off work and although I am feeling better than I was (not been admitted to hospital for a fortnight, yay!) am still not 100% and feeling quite ill a lot of the time.

DS goes to nursery 4 days a week normally on the days I work, and at the moment I am planning to still take him to nursery on at least 3 of these days as I feel so rough that most of the time anything more that sleeping or mn'ing is completely beyond me.

Can I expect dh to take it in turns in the night to get up to ds? Or should I be doing it as I get more chance to rest in the day and DH goes to work?

Genuine question of AIBU as weeks of sickness on top of rampant pregnancy hormones make this one very difficult for me to judge!

You poor thing! You are not being unreasonable IMO.

Can't imagine how awful it must be to have hyperemesis and admire you managing anything at all. Do you really get more rest during the day than DH if you are in fact busy vomiting and/or trying not to while also growing a healthy baby???

IMO, as your partner has to get up to go to work, whereas you don't, you should be dealing with it.

If it's the weekend and he is home too, then he should do it to give you a full nights sleep.

If you're both at home then you should take turns.

Can you not get a couple of hours kip when he gets in from work and leave Ds with him??

BTW, I also had hyperemisis, it's finally eased off now (26weeks) and am only being sick around once/tiwce a day, but sleeping awfully so on the weekends DP gets up with the DC's and leaves me in bed til I decide to get up, so I do know where you're coming from.

I just think that when only one person is working, them getting a full nights sleep is most important.

no no no no no no no!!! Not only do you have 3 children, working, running house, you are also PREGNANT!!!

How DO you cope?! I struggle with one!! Your dh so should be helping you! SO not unreasonable!! Bet he doesnt do his fair share of h/work etc either.

What will he be like when baby arrives!

Maybe you ds3 is feeling unsettled not only cause your not well (kids dont like seeing mummy ill) but also he wont be the 'baby' anymore. Just a guess? What is he like about the new baby? Maybe try spending time with just you and him and make sure he knows how much you love him? Maybe some reasurrance will help him sleep?

Well, I'd say your DH should be getting up because you are ill and if you get worse you may be readmitted to hospital. Or, alternatively you could sleep in your bed with DS and DH could sleep in the single bed so that he has a good nights sleep.

i don't think you are being unreasonable. i'm 36 weeks pregnant, still working 3 days a week, looking after ds age 6, juggling xmas holiday childcare and friends over, had full house at xmas, dealing with all usual home admin (mot the car, do the shopping/cooking etc), cleaning lady has just left me in the lurch, etc etc and also tryign to find time to do hypnobirthing cds, order liner for birth pool blah blah blah. dp wakes up every day and tells me how tired he is, not least cos every time i get up in the night to shift my bulk or go to the loo 15 times it wakes him up too. find it hard to be sympathetic! even the nicest men in the world (and dp is wonderful) seem to find it hard to put themselves in our shoes.

tee hee mad4mybaby I've only one son, he's three, not three ds's (if that was the case I wouldn't be posting as would have already told dh what was what )

Yes the reason he's unsettled sleeping is def because of my hospitalisation (5 times so far, fingers crossed that mine will ease of this time like yours Victorian)- poor little love wasn't sure for quite a few weeks whether mummy was going to be there in the morning/later on in the day so I can totally understand why his sleeping is a bit buggered up. I'm liking the idea of taking turns when it's the weekend, that seems fair to me so hopefully it will to dh too.

And Scarlett thankfully I am not being sick 50 times a day any more, only 2 or 3, so I can rest a bit more. Lots of sleeping involved in my daily routine at the mo!

I do feel sorry for DH as whilst I was going through all the hospital treatment/ admissions he was doing everything himself, and found this incredibly stressful (even though he didn't do much beforehand so in my martys eyes he was simply doing a little bit more that I used to ) so now we've had a little break together over christmas and he is properly rested I think he's eager not to get exhauseted again. And I can't say I blame him!

Tiredness will aggravate the hyperemesis so your dh should take turns at getting up in the night.

Could dh do Fridays and Saturday nights to give you a break ?

I vomited loads more when I was tired and just needed to sleep lots.

Are you getting any anti-sickness drugs to alleviate the hyperemesis ?

LadySanders I must say if I was heavily pregnant like you I would be taking it very easy and insisting dh did more. You sound like you are managing incredibly well!

Yes the only thing that works is ondansetron (Zofran) in suppository format cos I can't keep the tablets/syrup down. All the rest of the drugs I've been given don't even touch it. But I can't keep on taking them forever and am worried that if I stop the hyperemesis will return full on again, with ds it lasted virtually the whole way through although last hospitalisation was at 28 weeks. Just sick a few times a day until he was born. Panicking slightly!

Don't take turns at the weekend, your turn is during the week, his turn is the weekend.

If he isn't at work, make him get up.

i had terrible hyperemesis all the way through my first pregnancy....was VERY ill with it from about week 6 to the day i gave birth!!.....

i know exactly where you're coming from about him helping as it must seem so hard to do it all in the night alone on top of being ill....but if you say your only being sick 2/3 times a day then i'd have to admit i'd feel very bad if it were me making my hubby do it then go to work.....

i think you should just get some sleep in while your ds is at nursery, and hope it wears off soon!!

Have you mentioned this to your dh?

If you haven't, then do, maybe he just hasn't twigged that you want him to take turns, maybe he things your son is most easily soothed by you, maybe he's dying to soothe your ds but doesn't want to stop you doing a task you usually do.

Maybe he doesn't want to do it but you'll only know if you ask him.

If you're worried he'll say no when you definately want him to share/take sole control of comforting your son, then be sure to tell him that's what you want to happen.

My dp was REALLY useless and unhelpful whilst I was pregnant... until I talked to him about it.

Some stuff just didn't make it onto his radar of stuff he thinks about and the vast majority of stuff he was only to glad to help with, once I'd asked him to, as he realises that growing a baby ain't a bed of roses especially if you have other children.

That came out a bit wrong, I thought my partner was being really useless until...

anyway, I'm sure he won't be reading this but I don't want to slag of the poor chap.

That came out a bit wrong, I thought my partner was being really useless until...

anyway, I'm sure he won't be reading this but I don't want to slag of the poor chap.

Have asked dh in the night if he will take that turn if I have already been up but just get "ffs some of us do have to work" sort of sounds!

Luckily I am only being sick 2/3 times a day now, sadly the rest of the time is currently taken up by closing eyes and willing self not to be sick as it is rising all the time which is bloody exhausting! Unfortunately movement is one of the things that makes me even sicker and so when I get up in the night I know that I am going to lie there for a good hour or so before I am sick again and can go back to sleep. That sounds all "woe is me" was't supposed to, am grateful that at least the drugs are {controlling it for now} that bit was whispered again for fear of hyperemesis hearing me and coming back...

But must concur with posters that I will ask dh at weekends and let him get some sleep in the week. As long as he's bloody grateful and lets me have some peace on Fri/Sat nights

Ah Minkus I can so relate to what you say about trying to control the vomitting.

Perhaps your dh hasn't realised/heard that tiredness is known to aggravate the vomitting.

Really though he must do the weekend nightshifts. The health of you and baby are at stake here, he should compare that with him being grumpy if he's a bit sleep deprived.

Does sleep deprivation mean he will be in danger at work ? Does he operate heavy machinery or is he an air traffic controller ?

I love love love the wonderdrug ondansetron and was lucky enough for it to work orally so I didn't have to resort to suppositories. . Without it I'd have to have given up working altogether and probably wouldn't have had any work to come back to. I am so grateful for that drug !

Oh Minkus! I'm for you.

I'd like to weigh in with a YANBU to expect your DH to join in every day of the week so long as he won't endanger himself or others if he is sleep deprived in his work.
A few minutes of being awake versus an hour of trying not to be sick! Surely that's a fair trade for a healthy mother and child.

Can't your dh just go and get in bed with ds if he wakes up? Then everyone could go back to sleep. Minimum disturbance for everyone.

Hope you get a good nights/mornings sleep tonight !