When people sulk/make it clear they're pissed off but say they're not

[Pernot165]

DP was clearly in a shit mood before he left for work, acting as though everything was an inconvenience huffing and puffing.

I asked what the matter was and he says "nothing"

I said it was clear he was annoyed with something so why not just come out and say it.

"Nothing is wrong" he says, whilst still making it clear there is.

Why make it so bloody obvious that something is wrong if you're going to then say there isn't?!

AIBU to find it childish?

Mmmm tricky one. I know sometimes I get a bit aggy but don't actually want to talk about it. The huffing and puffing can be a bit involuntary. But you know whether your DH actually was looking for attention or not. Baffles me why he would but not want to talk about it tbh!

I'd ignore and not feed the attention seeking huffing and puffing behaviour.

My DH does this sometimes and if I have to ask more than once if there’s something wrong and he says no but carries on in a shitty mood I ask him to spit it out or remove himself elsewhere as he’s ruining the atmosphere. I find it very manipulative particularly when it’s obvious that there is definitely something up and they just won’t say. It’s fine for them to have an issue, but not project it on to everyone around them whilst making out they are perfectly ok.

@ReeseWitherfork

Mmmm tricky one. I know sometimes I get a bit aggy but don't actually want to talk about it. The huffing and puffing can be a bit involuntary. But you know whether your DH actually was looking for attention or not. Baffles me why he would but not want to talk about it tbh!

Do you generally say you don't want to talk about it though or do you say nothing is the matter?

I'm the opposite in that when something is bothering me I want to get it out in the open, though I appreciate not everybody feels that way.

It's just so frustrating being told nothing is wrong when somebody makes clear that there is, it makes me feel a bit gaslighted.

Being a grown up means using your words. Even him acknowledging he is upset is the bare minimum of adulting. He is acting like a toddler.

@BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward

My DH does this sometimes and if I have to ask more than once if there’s something wrong and he says no but carries on in a shitty mood I ask him to spit it out or remove himself elsewhere as he’s ruining the atmosphere. I find it very manipulative particularly when it’s obvious that there is definitely something up and they just won’t say. It’s fine for them to have an issue, but not project it on to everyone around them whilst making out they are perfectly ok.

It does feel manipulative indeed!

My DM was here at the time and I've been left wondering which one of us have annoyed him

He'll be perfectly fine tomorrow but it's not a good note to end a night on is it?

Like, if you're not going to say what your problem is then keep the accompanying arseyness to yourself too

It either means, 'nothing I want to discuss' - in which case leave him to sort his own shit out.
Or he's being passive-aggressive - in which case leave him to sort his shit out or if he's clearly huffing and puffing in your direction, tell him to sort his shit out.

If you’re not the sort of person who can clearly articulate your feelings about a situation, it can be hard to explain a bad mood. Sometimes it’s also a difficult thing to shift. I agree with the advice to ignore.

Indeed! I just think it’s not that hard to say that you’re in a bit of a mood and just best to give me some space. That’s what I do or I just say what the problem is. I think as an adult to simply say leave them to it is unrealistic, especially if it happens frequently.

Acting like that in front of your mum is a bit of a dick move.

I actually don't know the answer to your question. I don't think there always is something the matter, sometimes being aggy is being aggy. But I wouldn't huff and puff without acknowledging it. "Sorry I'm just in a bad mood, ignore me" feels like something I'd say I was obviously in a bad mood and my husband was around.