Both of my parents are heavy drinkers. I wouldn't say full blown alcoholics but definitely alcohol dependant, especially my mother. She has approx 1-2 bottles of wine per evening (edging towards 2) plus gin. My father drinks a few lagers and one or two whiskeys. This is a typical weekday evening, more on weekends. They cannot go an day without alcohol. My father, if necessary, will only have the one and can mostly handle his drink. My mother, however, cannot. Despite drinking a large volume seems to have no tolerance for it. She has no off switch and drinks quickly, so is often drunk early in the evening.
Celebrations such as Christmas/birthdays calls for an all out slaughtering of alcohol. They both get roaring drunk. However, whereas my father drinks steadily and just get more relaxed, my mother becomes annoying, loud, antagonistic, verbally aggressive, and generally not someone pleasant to be around. She has caused endless issues in the family, fallen down and smashed her face up, tried hitting my dad (rarely but still), ends up in arguments with my dad and whatever else.
Long story short, I don't drink as a result. They've been this way for as long as I can remember. Luckily, my DH doesn't drink either. We have a fairly amicable relationship (she's fine during the day before the wine is opened) but I have nothing to do with her during the evenings after they start drinking. The thought of going an evening without wine is alien to her and she has called me boring and square because I don't ever drink.
I have a 3 year old daughter. She does see DD a few times a week and they have a close bond. She has looked after DD during the odd hour when I've been stuck for childcare but she is never with her grandparents in the evenings. I never want my daughter exposed to what I was with alcohol and the effects growing up
Yesterday, my mother announced she has redone the guest bedroom as a room for DD so she can stay over! I was a bit taken aback and basically said DD is starting nursery school so will be too exhausted. She will never sleep over unless it's an emergency.
My brother and sister in law sometimes stay with my nephew (4) so she can't see why I won't let my daughter. Nephew sometimes asks why Nanna is acting funny so even he is becoming aware. My brother drinks (though not to excess) mostly a few beers at the weekend so DN is around it a little already. That's fine, their choice. But family are already applying pressure of WhatsApp group about both the grandkids having a sleepover at Nannas together and my nephew already looking forward to it.
The idea of DD being around my parents with alcohol fills me with dread and it will simply Never happen. They stick their head in the sand about how much they consume. At the end of the day, it's their choice and will probably drink themselves into an early grave. If I've brought it up previously, it caused ructions so I leave them to it now. Not my problem. But I know if I mention that DD will never stay there because they drink too much there will be fireworks.
Friends sometimes think I exaggerate how much they drink, everyone drinks, blah blah blah so I'm doing a disservice to DD by not letting her stay. Also have had the odd comment in the past from relatives that DD needs to learn to stay in different houses, it'll be fun for her, she needs to get use to itz she's missing out, she'll be too attached.
Not sure how to handle this without causing problems tbh. DH backs me up 100% and says I should nip it in the bud now. I sometimes hate the fact that DD will never get to look forward to a sleepover there or we can't book a night away together but don't feel it's right to expose her to this.
AIBU to never allow my DD to sleepover?