Can I please ask how to not look dim at work?

[sparklins]

Apologies I did not know which topic to post in...

I am not very smart, but I have landed my perfect job a couple of months ago. Lovely boss, small company, growing.
I am part time as opposed to pretty much everyone else who is FT and I WFH apart from the odd day in the office.
Without being too outing I do a type of data inputting.

Unfortunately I am not very smart and it usually takes me a while to wrap my head around something that others just ''get'' - but also unfortunately I unintentionally come across super capable even when I have no idea.
My issue is that when I sometimes try to clarify something or work out the best way to do something I have the hardest time following someone talking to me about it or explaining something. Especially as they are all always on the ball being FT and more up to date with the systems we work on (which are custom built for this company so I can't even try to google tutorials or any instructions). I feel desperately out of my depth in comparison to everyone else who just gets on I usually just pretend I understand in fear of feeling like an idiot.

I am not very good with words or even explaining myself and I am now terrified of burying my head in the sand until I lose this brilliant job.
The company is very relaxed and laid back and they talk that way too - taking this into consideration could anyone suggest good ways for me to ask for clarification aka for it to be explained to me like they are explaining it to and idiot (that I am) without making myself sound completely stupid or admitting that I am just not very smart?

I am capable of doing the majority of the work but it becomes trickier when there is something that requires stepping away from the usual way of doing things/something that needs an additional or different way of inputting and I need to discuss the best way to do it with someone.

Wee story op - I once got a job with a line manager who had a horrific "dragon lady" reputation (I was moving depts)

I was young and lacked confidence, I wanted the job and could do it but her rep terrified me...

...but I'm very straightforward by nature and as my mother says "pathologically honest"!

I did a major cock up about 3 weeks in and was SHITTING myself! (Realised after she'd left for the day got no sleep that night!)

But I hit the bullet and went straight to her office the next morning frankly she's lucky I never threw up on her desk!

Her response? She laughed!

Turns out she knew of her "rep" but that basically she just hated when people cocked up and tried to cover it up!

She and I cracked on great after that she was a fab boss

The issue was fixed, no lives were lost, nobody lost £millions... all good

Most of the time people just like you to be honest, not fuck it up and if you do tell them straight away.

You're wrong by the way...you are smart and you are good with words and with explaining yourself. All you need to work on is your confidence to believe that what I'm saying is true (it is by the way - I have zero reasons to lie!)

Just keep.asking questions until you're confident with what is expected of you. At the end of the day a job is just a job. You can master this

I generally spend a lot of time blinking and wondering if the noise that has just come out of people's mouths is actually words.

However, if I can get it into some sort of structure/picture/diagram (and very simple language) or physically do what is required, I've got it - and will then be quite good at teaching it to others.

At work, I have a stash of large sketchbooks with processes planned out in marker pens (bright colours) and joined up with arrows, along with crib sheets I've made myself as I've gone along with a process for the first time that have a small amount of text and a much larger amount of screenshots. Nobody's ever criticised me for it, it's just how my brain works.

If I had access to a big old blackboard or whiteboard, stuff would be on that all the time.

In a similar way, when I need to ask somebody for something that's quite complex, my request emails are a riot of colour

I use

1. numbered lists, heading in bold,

highlight the instruction - like 'update the health & safety policy' - in green - green means go, so green means 'do something' in my head.

and add information/comments - such as 'this needs to be done by DAY date year because it's a legal requirement' - in red. Red means pay attention/an instruction when you think about driving and road signs, so pay attention to the information in red.

Then the main body of that instruction is in normal text saying 'file attached - 'H&S Policy 2022' (so they know which of the five attachments is the one they need for this bit)

And where the instruction is something like

a. Link to add

a) 'please add a link to the updated Rabid Gibbon Policy (attached) from the Animal Husbandry dropdown on the Liontaming and other Livestock Management menu item and

b) add a sidebar shortcut', I'll include screenshots showing;

I mean 'in here'

[screenshot of Liontaming Menu with the dropdown visible]

'here' [pasting the link to where I'm looking and a screenshot of this page]

'so it can be found with these'

[screenshot of the sidebar displaying
Flying Cetacean Storage,
Limiting Corvid Militarisation and
Arachnid Self Awareness Emergency Protocol]

• because I want a link to appear in that list as well.

My general principle is 'show me, don't tell me'. Nobody's ever got the hump over it. They'd get the hump if I didn't ask questions or doublecheck something. I will also ask people if I can run something past them to be certain I've got it right.

Maybe they're just tolerating me as a vaguely useful idiot, but they don't appear to be annoyed as long as I am clear about what I'm asking - never 'I can't do it' or 'I'm crap at this/I'm so stupid', it's 'I need to know this, the way to do that is to show me'

If that's too long to read, it boils down to 'I learn by seeing and doing things. If I have a screenshot of what I'm supposed to be doing, it'll take about 2 minutes, but if you bombard me with words, I'll be none the wiser after 45 minutes and have to ask you again on Tuesday'.

Maybe you are similar?

Be confident in seeking confirmation. I ask a lot of questions if I don't understand. I definitely struggle processing, and am happy to say "just taking some notes here as it helps me when reflecting back". Then If I still need to, I'll reiterate/summarise to them and check. I just ask if I can run it past them to church my understanding.

I work in a large team and we all have briefings together and people are always thanking me for asking the questions they are scared to.

Like someone said ask - can you run Through an example with me?

Don't be ashamed, we're all different.

You would look much less efficient if you just nod, guess and hope for the best.

Good luck

@sparklins

Thank you! The other day someone said ''oh! you'll just have to put it through as gibberish then transfer through to database as gibberish and you'll have to do it for each one it won't take you too long'' and I was literally sat there like o.0

When it gets to "gibberish bit", say "I need you to stop please, and just focus on "gibberish bit" as I'm not clear what you mean. Please can you explain it in different words to see if I understand it better."

Then when you've been through all the steps including "gibberish bit", , say " I'm going to read this back to you so you can tell me I've got it all down correctly"

Also, do ask people to slow down. Some people talk really quickly, like they think it makes them come across as intelligent . Sometimes they don't know what they're talking about and are hiding behind a load of guff. Or they are so immersed in the subject they have internalised the steps to such an extent they may think they are explaining it clearly but they're skipping some bits out completely, a kind of "shorthand". The person who takes things slowly and carefully knows what they're trying to say and aren't afraid of repeating themselves if asked.

I'm saying this with current experience as I'm taking over a job from someone who's been working on the project a long time and when I challenge something, they realise what they've said doesn't make sense!

Don't think you aren't as intelligent as they are, they've been doing their job a lot longer.

How are you learning at the moment? Phone calls with people or zoom calls or something?

Would you be better in the office more so you can sit with someone and they can show you?

The work I do uses a custom built system and it would be tricky to train someone to use it from a distance.

Aside from that I recommend writing down step by step. Literally:

Go to file => open => choose folder => open spreadsheet x => click in cell A4 => type gibberish => press enter => click save => close spreadsheet

Obviously just an example but you’ll find you soon skip reading some of the processes as they become more familiar.

You’re a couple of months in to a new job, part-time, mainly WFH and you work on a custom system. You don’t sound like you’re not smart at all, that sounds like a completely normal learning curve. Don’t be afraid of asking questions and remember that they recognise your competence for a reason, not because you’ve managed to seem like something you’re not!

Take notes, ask people to physically walk you through it the first time (showing you which buttons to click etc) and read about imposter syndrome because it sounds to me like you are performing perfectly reasonably in the new job!

I echo what everyone else has said about writing notes etc. so that - once you do understand - you don't have to ask again a week or month later.

I just also wanted to add that I'm fairly senior and objectively very well educated but I have recently moved roles within my industry (which itself involves absorbing completely new information about things I would have no reason to be familiar with). I spend half my life asking people - clients and colleagues - "sorry, can you explain that to me in words of one syllable?" "Please could you explain that as though you're taking to a child?" "Stupid question - what does 'x' stand for?"

The only difference between you and me is that I have absolutely no embarrassment about it. In my mind, chances are that lots of people are sitting there not knowing but not wanting to ask for fear of looking silly and, in any case, I need to know and will be far more judged for doing lots of work incorrectly than using an extra half an hour of someone's time upfront to make sure I do it right. Most of the time the questions make the person I'm speaking to realise they've been using jargon or that they've never explained the task to me before. And if someone wants to judge me for it, will they can go ahead if it makes them feel better! By asking the question I've got what I needed and saved myself worry and stress, and they've got an ego boost - win win!

I also manage and instruct several juniors and I never judge them for asking questions - I'd rather have 10 questions and the job done right than someone spending days doing something wrong because they were too embarrassed to clarify. Asking questions and clarifying instructions is a sign of someone thoughtful and engaged who wants to do a good job!

So much of this is about mindset and I'm sorry you're so hard on yourself - I hope you're working on that generally. Good luck!

Like everyone else said make notes about everything. I’ve got piles of notebooks for work, I write literally everything down.

And ask for help if you don’t understand. I’ve got myself in to more trouble by pretending and nodding along than asking for more help.

Don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know stuff.

@Holskey is correct.

This isn't about intelligence. This is about your self confidence. You refuse to clarify clarify clarify clarify in case you appear stupid. Sadly this need to appear smart and quick is counter intuitive and might well cause you issues

Ask questions, make notes, ask questions, make notes, ask questions, make notes.

I agree with previous posters - ask questions and make notes. I’ve trained lots of people at work and I much prefer people who ask questions than people who act like they already know everything or they’re just not interested.

From reading your opening post it sounds like you have an issue with thinking you’re ‘not smart’. You sound articulate and self aware so it might be worth considering whether the “I’m not smart, I’m dim” narrative is actually true. Maybe it’s time to let it go and think of yourself differently! Good luck with the job.

I think with systems issues it depends how old you are. My mum is 50 and didn't grow up with computers so needs an exact way of how to process things, she would take notes and everytime follow that exact process and get the same result. I'm 30 and grew up with computers and someone telling me how to do something with computers would not go into my head at all. I'd need to have a muck about on the system myself and go through all the options and work it out myself.

Also give yourself some grace you started there 2 months ago, part time and from home. If they have been there years of course they will be able to work it better. Try to look forward "in 6 months I'll be able to do this no problem". To make you feel better I work NHS and there's a bit of a convoluted program throughout all of Scotland. It's not user friendly and takes a few go's to get anything done. I felt like an utter dunce for the first 6 months having to ask everytime to do something really simple. I now can manage it fine and have moved trust where they use it along side different non functional programs and are amazed when I do the stuff that I previously found so difficult on it because the way they were shown to do it takes 3x the time.

The ‘best’ co workers I ever had (would have all been junior to me) asked loads and loads of questions. Ask about every single stage in a process and how it relates to you. Jot down notes as they tell you, clarify everything and repeat back what the person has said. As in “ok, have I got this right? Blah blah etc etc”. Don’t be afraid to ask about the stuff you think you’ve already been told about. Say you need to double check you’re getting off on the right foot.

The main thing for me would be willingness to learn and work (you’ve got that) and the want to do a good job (you have that too). Everyone feels out of their depth at first. Be kind and patient with yourself. Good luck!

A few things:

• you assume that the problem is with you and that you are 'dim'. Could it be instead that you are in the wrong type of job? people have different skills and ways of thinking. You might simply not be suitable to jobs where there are a lot of IT/technical requirements.
• if this company uses its own system it should have a formal training programme for each new employee to familiarise themselves with the system/database, rather than relying on random colleagues helping new starters. Or the bare minimum would need to be a handout/manual that tells you how to use the system that you can refer too when you are struggling. Without this type of support, your company is not doing the right thing by you.

I am a team manager and I absolutely despise admin tasks/database/data entry. I know this is not in my skillset and I have absolutely no interest in this type of activities. So I make sure that I have people in my team who are really good at updating/maintaining systems and are happy when doing this type of roles while I concentrate on other matters. The point is we all need to play to our strengths. No one is going to be good at everything and that does not make you 'dim'...

I started at my current job two years ago and am only now beginning to understand lots of the processes and very niche gibberish. I have created my own “idiot guides” for myself - and my colleagues often use them when they forget how to do x or y too.

I generally find nobody is at all offended at being asked to clarify something. OP, You think people will find you annoying for not understanding but on the whole they don’t find it annoying at all, they like that I stop and ask questions and clarify things before I bumble in and make some almighty cock up.

OP, you've got some great advice here so I won't pitch in on that. I just wanted to say it sounded to me like you have a lot of insight. That's a feature of intelligence.

Write yourself a manual, include instructions for each task and get someone to check it over after.

I always do this, written so that someone with no knowledge whatsoever could takeover and work through the instructions.

It's good practice to do this anyway. Also, checklists are good. Write one out for each regular task and photocopy it, that way you won't miss anything.

They shouldn't just be talking at you with a new system. They should show you, then do it with you, then watch you do it.

It takes time to get used to a new system and company with their own acronyms etc. So dont worry! Asking a tonne of questions even if you think they sound silly shows you're engaged, it's way better coaching someone when they ask questions than when they sit in silence and dont check anything and then get things wrong

I'd
Make notes. Sometimes if you have to write something down it clarifies things or shows when you dont understand something

Read them back to whoever is showing you something to check they're right.

Ask them to do it with you or watch it the first few times

Do troubleshooting questions eg 'what happens if I get this wrong'., 'how will I know if I'm not following the right process', 'if I pressed the wrong button here, what's the worst that could happen' etx

You sound like they’re really lucky to have you, don’t be so hard on yourself!

You’re also a new employee; use that! there is a learning curve in all jobs.

I would be honest when you don’t understand but frame it as you not wanting to get it wrong. Eg “Ok I want to make sure I’m getting this absolutely right but I’m not sure I fully understand the process here, could you explain it to me again in layman’s (really basic) terms? Or could you email it to me so that I can check back against the instructions to make sure I’ve done it right?”

If they can email it you and you have it written down, you can take your time reading the instructions over and over if you need to and you don’t need to worry about appearing to follow in person.

But be confident, you sound like a great employee to want to work there so much, just be honest about really wanting to get it right for them.

Congrats on the new job :)

I don't have anything useful to add that hasn't already been said, but your post resonated with me so much! I also feel like I'm super slow at picking things up. People speaking words at me goes in one ear and out the other so I have to write notes in order to be able to process what they're saying. My understanding often isn't firmly entrenched until I've actually completed the physical activity. Doesn't help that my manager has diagnosed ADHD and is able to do about 3 things at once when I have to focus on one thing at a time. I'm feeling so much better having read this thread though. I'm going to own my learning style from now on...it's what we do afterwards with the knowledge we've obtained that's important in our roles.

I forgot to add....if you're part time it's bound to feel like it takes longer to pick everything up. If you work 3 days a week then it will take you 5 weeks to amass the same knowledge that a full time person amasses in 3 weeks. Just a thought...

Definitely makes notes, I train the new people in my team. I always encourage them to make decent step by step notes. I get frustrated when they says “yep, got it” haven’t made many notes and then make errors. When I show the the error and explain what it should be they go “yep, I knew that haha”

Agree with a lot of the other comments on here OP. Also a thing I found helpful was making my own private definitions sheet. So every time somebody uses a word I don't know I would look it up and note it down on my definitions sheet. Then eventually a lot of the word definitions just stuck in my head.

@sparklins

Thank you! The other day someone said ''oh! you'll just have to put it through as gibberish then transfer through to database as gibberish and you'll have to do it for each one it won't take you too long'' and I was literally sat there like o.0

In that situation you say. ' I haven't used that part of the system yet, do you know how I can get training or is there anyone I could ask who could spend some time showing me how they do this on the screen'

Do not be afraid to ask someone to take you through a task, step by step. Your line manager is a good place to start to ask for this or a colleague if they seem helpful and not too busy

I neve mind doing this for less experienced colleagues

When I start a new job, I usually send a few months constantly asking for help No one reasonable minds this.