...to ask for opinions on a matter of wedding guest etiquette

[5foot5]

I have not been to a wedding for a very long time. More than twenty years. So I would appreciate some opinions on this matter.

I have been invited to a wedding in six months time. The young couple have already set up home together so have many of the household type of things they need. Hence they enclosed a charming note with the invitation explaining this and saying if people still wanted to give them a present then money towards a honeymoon would be appreciated.

I am perfectly fine with this sensible suggestion, it actually makes it much easier for the giver. I am also reasonably comfortable in my mind with what would be a suitable amount. However, what I am unsure about is the "when".

Back when I last went to a wedding you either contacted the store where a gift list was registered and had the item put aside for them at any time before the wedding or, if it was just a list, you took the physical item to the wedding and put it on the table set aside for gifts. If you lived close to them or their parents you dropped the present at the house a few days before.

However when would be a reasonable time to send them a cheque? If the money really is towards a honeymoon wouldn't they want it ASAP. Should one send a cheque withe the RSVP?

But if the money is to generally replenish the coffers and the honeymoon comment is just a polite way of asking for money then maybe it is OK to send a cheque in a wedding card nearer the date?

I am sure some of you Mumsnetters must have been to weddings where money was requested like this, or even done this at your own wedding. So when is normal? I don't want to send it ridiculously early so they maybe forget it by the wedding, nor leave it too late to be useful.

Take cash or cheque in a card and give on their wedding day.

Cash or cheque in a card on the day. You can cash cheques in on banking apps now so it doesn't take long to go in their bank.

Take to the wedding in the card I would say. Probably paid on credit card anyway!

I would think they will pay for the honeymoon on a credit card in order to protect themselves. But why don’t you just contact them and ask when would be most useful for them to receive it.

I would put it in with the card and bring this to the wedding with me.
There will probably be a post box type things for people to post their cards into.

I put cash in an envelope and give it on the day - there's usually a box or somethng to put them in.

Yep with the wedding card. It’s their wedding gift after all.

I was recently married in the summer and we received cash in cards at the wedding and had set up a little post box for them on the night. We didn't actually receive a single cheque, which was useful as my bank has no branches and the app doesn't let me cash them. (Maybe I should change bank lol.)

In my experience they normally have a post box/wishing well etc. at the reception, but I don't think you can go wrong with cash or a cheque in the card.

Cash in a card. Don't do a cheque

Put it in a card and take it to the wedding. There will most likely be somewhere to 'post' cards - a post box / wishing well type thing. Usually it's by the guest book.

Oh, definitely cash, not a cheque.

I am surprised at people saying cash not a cheque, especially when so much is contact less these days. As someone said you can pay a cheque in on most banking apps but you can't do that with cash. If they get oodles of cash on the day they would surely then have to make a trip to the bank to pay it in.

However I can enquire beforehand cash or cheque

Cash in a card, depending on how close you are with the couple, maybe also write a small cheque with a little note about something for them to keep as a momento from their special day.

DHs aunt gave us a small cheque on our wedding day, which had our wedding day written on it, when she mentioned that we hadn't cashed it, we said that because it had the date we got married on it, we decided that we wanted to put it at the front of our wedding album as a keepsake, we hoped she was OK that we had done that...she was thrilled that we kept hold of it.

Careful of cheaques. My DH was best man and said he'd lodge all the cheaques for the couple whilst they were on honeymoon and they hadn't a joint account so any with both their names were useless. Some people also assumed that I'd change my name so any with the new name were useless.

We were really happy with cash or cheque in a card on the day. We went to USA on honeymoon so it was really lovely when people gave us US dollars in our card, made us very excited for the trip! (Also ensured we didn’t spend it before we left 🤣)

I got married in Sept 2020 and done very similar, put a poem in and asked for money for our cosy rooms at home as we had lived together since 2016 and had all the normal wedding type gifts.

We had a post box where people put cards. We had about 30 altogether and everyone had put cash in the cards apart from 3 people who wrote cheques. It didnt really make much difference to us as we put all the cash & cheques into our account anyway but we got more cash than cheques.

Put cash or a cheque in a card and take it to the wedding with you. At some point there’ll be a box to put gifts in.