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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU over DH's attitude to DIY?

16 replies

jeffvader1 · 25/02/2022 16:45

DH isn't particularly 'handy' and neither am I but I'll have a go at things. I'm pretty clumsy and have had a fair few disasters in the process.

When I mention things that are broken in the house he tends to flat out ignore me and have zero input as to how to repair it. Then when I start trying to fix something he starts criticising whatever I'm doing.

An example: we put together a flatpack wooden wardrobe when we moved into this house 8 years ago. Around 7 years ago, half of the top bit fell off. It's just for decoration but it's been bothering me for years because it looks awful without it. I set out to fix this the other day as he has been ignoring me for so long and I put wood glue on it. The cat then wandered into the room and without me realising opened the cupboard door- which meant wood glue dripped right down over half the clothes inside.

DH was furious with me and said I should be using a nail to put it back together. A few days later I tried that and it split the wood and its now unusable. I showed him and he rolled his eyes and said 'not THAT sort of nail!".

I'm getting increasingly frustrated with him refusing to deal with anything breaking in the house and then criticising me when I make a pig's ear of it! AIBU?

OP posts:
Shainago · 25/02/2022 16:48

He sounds like an absolute asshole
Yanbu

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 25/02/2022 16:48

I'd probably say yabu because although yea you're trying you're making it worse.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 25/02/2022 16:49

Although I could be biased. My dh hasn't a clue with DIY but is enthusiastic at trying and could well result in getting wood glue all over clothes which would send me apoplectic with rage.

FadedRed · 25/02/2022 16:49

Print this out, frame it and hang it on a wall in a prominent place. Whenever ‘D’H voices a negative opinion, refer him to it.

AIBU over DH's attitude to DIY?
Original poster
jeffvader1 · 25/02/2022 16:50

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

I'd probably say yabu because although yea you're trying you're making it worse.
I have suggested we 'get a man in' but that doesn't go down well.
OP posts:
Original poster
jeffvader1 · 25/02/2022 16:50

@FadedRed

Print this out, frame it and hang it on a wall in a prominent place. Whenever ‘D’H voices a negative opinion, refer him to it.
Love this.
OP posts:
Ozanj · 25/02/2022 16:54

He’s an arsehole true. But I would be furious too if you ruined my clothes because you didn’t remember to take them out of the wardrobe beforehand. Enthusiasm about diy isn’t a positive when someone isn’t also applying their commonsense.

I should also add that if neither of you are good at diy and you often have disasters like that, the best thing you can do for your peace of mind is to pay extra for items that come pre-built, or failing that, pay someone else to do it. Long term it will be cheaper for you.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 25/02/2022 16:54

Ah that's different. I'm usually the one suggesting getting someone in and he's like nooooo that's so straightforward to do 😡 and that's when the rage starts

Holothane · 25/02/2022 16:58

We are not diy at all we get people in what’s the problem not every partner is diy enthusiastic.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 25/02/2022 17:02

I'd be really pissed off with DH if he got wood glue over my stuff - that stuff is almost impossible to get out.

If neither of you are any good at DIY (which is absolutely fine) - would it not make more sense to draw up a list of what needs doing and get a handyman round for half a day or so?

There are plenty of people here who will come and do minor jobs like this.

Original poster
jeffvader1 · 25/02/2022 17:03

@Ozanj

He’s an arsehole true. But I would be furious too if you ruined my clothes because you didn’t remember to take them out of the wardrobe beforehand. Enthusiasm about diy isn’t a positive when someone isn’t also applying their commonsense.

I should also add that if neither of you are good at diy and you often have disasters like that, the best thing you can do for your peace of mind is to pay extra for items that come pre-built, or failing that, pay someone else to do it. Long term it will be cheaper for you.

FWIW it was my half of the wardrobe and it washed out.
OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 25/02/2022 17:10

From the sound of it getting someone in to do the work really does seem like a good idea and would very likely have worked out cheaper given all the damage that's been done.

You must have really gone to town with the wood glue to have it pouring down on clothes like that.

I don't know what the situation is now with classes but years ago I took a class for women wanting to learn basic DIY and it was incredibly informative and helpful - I even ended up successfully tiling a bathroom - maybe something like that would be of use to you OP.

If not, before trying to fix anything else, it might be a good idea to look online for advice. There are loads of kind people offering advice online on almost every topic and skill imaginable.

ThankGodImAnAtheist · 25/02/2022 17:12

It sounds like after all these years, you should both accept that neither of you are going to successfully do any DIY without a lot of arguing etc, and maybe it isn’t worth it. You are not a natural at DIY (based on the examples you give), but good on you for having a try. Whatever skills he has or doesn’t have, he doesn’t sound keen to do it. One option is, every so often, when enough small jobs build up, you pay someone to do them … same way as you would get a plumber or electrician in. If you’re unhappy with the cost of getting someone in, would you be interested in doing a basic DIY course yourself ? They sometimes run them as adult evening classes and it could be fun ! If you think DH is capable, and really should be doing it as his share of the daily grind, then even just planning for either of these options might be enough to spur him on. Good Luck ! 😄

OkayCoral · 25/02/2022 17:13

I bet that you do lots of things for him every day that demonstrate that you care about him and about your marriage and life together. I don’t know the answer (and I’ve lived with similar frustration) but how would he feel if you ceased to do some of those things? How would he feel if, when it’s your night to cook, you forgot to cook his meal. I feel for you. I would probably start with talking to him about how upset this lack of care makes you feel and the frustration it causes you. You’re house proud and trying your best to fix things that he could at least try to help with. And if he can’t do those things, you should agree to find someone who can. I promise, I do know how you feel and it’s upsetting.

StormyWindow · 25/02/2022 17:13

I would just start saying 'x needs doing, if you want to do it in the next 2 weeks that's fine, after that I'll be arranging a workman'. Stop trying to do stuff yourself unless you're confident you know what you're doing (google and YouTube are your friends) as then you can't be criticised when it goes wrong. I can totally see why it's annoying you but you can't change his behaviour, only your own reaction to it Flowers

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 25/02/2022 17:14

I have suggested we 'get a man in' but that doesn't go down well.

Why do you need his approval? Just do it.

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