To think using the word naughty isn’t too shocking and people are just over sensitive these days?!

[GreenTeaMom]

I was out with some friends the other day and DD has been picking up on some words used by another child in her class (I know this because the teacher warned me DD has been copying). So when one of them was talking DD couldn’t handle the noise and shouted ‘shut up’ at them.

I hate children being rude, whether DD understood that or not because of her SN is another thing, but I still felt like she needed correcting on it.

I told her “no, that was naughty. You do not say that, because it’s not very nice”.

My friends were absolutely gobsmacked that I still use the word ‘naughty’ and not ‘bad choices’.

AIBU to think people are way too over-sensitive these days and that’s why a lot of children don’t have any manners or respect for anyone else?!

I didn’t call DD naughty, I said that those words were naughty and not very nice and not to use them.

'naughty' is fine (as a comment on behaviour, rather than used to label/write off an individual). I think 'bad choices' is problematic in itself, as it implies that children's behaviour is always the result of considered, deliberate decisions on their part. Which of course is not the case.

My friends were absolutely gobsmacked that I still use the word ‘naughty’ and not ‘bad choices’. I would laugh for a long time, then watch smugly as thier children grow into out of control teenagers or absolute snowflakes. My dsis only believed in positive parenting, negative words were not to be used. Her ds is lovely now but was a cannabis smoking pita as a teenager.

I would just say “no, we don’t say that/react like that” and leave it at that. Repeating something without understanding the context or it’s meaning isn’t naughty to me.

I think they've misunderstood the point!

You shouldn't tell a kid that they are naughty. You can label a specific behaviour as naughty thiugh!

I think 'bad choices' is problematic in itself, as it implies that children's behaviour is always the result of considered I kind of think the opposite, by using the term "bad choices" you are making the child take responsibility for their actions. I always prefer the term bad choices to silly mistakes, which you hear too often.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with the word 'naughty' but I don't thing what you describe was naughty. Saying that is not a nice thing to say would be enough. 'Bad choices' isn't great either as it does imply seriously considered behaviour.

Yanbu. Far too many people have started thinking that ‘naughty’ is a terrible word when there’s nothing wrong with labelling certain behaviour as naughty. We don’t label children as naughty, but behaviour choices can be.

I don't use it because it is a pointless word to use when sorting out children's behaviour.

What you said is fine.

Nothing wrong with labelling a behaviour as naughty.

There is everything wrong with us having teenagers in secondary school who cannot handle being told off for saying similar unkind things and want you to gently tell them it's a bad choice. When they damn well know it is but no one has ever held them account for their behaviour!

Nothing the matter with what you said. Who cares what other parents think?

Surely someone needs to know something is wrong before their decision to do it can be constituted as a 'bad choice'.

I don't love the word 'naughty' and I don't think it applies to this situation. To me 'naughty' describes a certain kind of mischievousness, and I find the word 'naughty' a bit cutesy for my taste.

If you need to describe behaviour I would use more specific words ('rude', 'unkind', 'cruel', 'petty', 'annoying', 'thoughtless', etc) to explain why someone shouldn't do something.

This is just my instinct, not some great childrearing expertise.

I hate the word naughty and yes, it is old fashioned. It singles out the child. Bad choices sounds equally crap and patronising because the child would have to have the cognitive ability to even make the choice or know what they’re saying/doing is wrong. Much better as has been stated already is to say ‘we don’t say xxxx’. Collaborative.

If you think children's behaviour is deteriorating, don't blame them - look at Adult's behaviour in our society and how they treat children.

Why do adults expect a higher level of behaviour from those with the least developmental ability to achieve it?

Adults need to improve how they behave to each other and to children if you want children to copy this.

PurrBox
Far too strong for a little child and results in shaming the child and they aren’t going to get the nuances.

Mummyoflittledragon- I was talking more generally about using words to describe behaviour. I would tell kids that saying 'shut up' is rude. I would tell kids that leaving someone out of a game is thoughtless, and that excluding someone on purpose and taunting them is unkind. I would tell kids that constantly whistling or poking, for instance, is getting annoying.

I really don't think that is shaming a child or too strong, as long as it is done in a kind and thoughtful way, i.e. saying gently to my own 8 year old: 'you shouldn't shout 'shut up'- it's really a pretty rude word'.

I use the word naughty with my three year old. Although I'm not sure it has the desired effect as she seems to enjoy being told she's being naughty and also loves to tell me that I'm naughty too! I also use the phrase "bad manners" with her.

I do a lot of work on behaviour as part of my job.

'Naughty' is fine to describe a behaviour but never to describe a child. So 'it was naughty to hit her' would be acceptable but 'you are a naughty girl' is not. In the situation you describe I would have said, 'that was an unkind thing to say and it has made your friend feel sad'.

We use the language of 'choices' a lot but not 'bad' choices. You can tell your judgey friends that the preferred terminology is 'right' and 'wrong' choices, not 'good' and 'bad'. So again, in your scenario if the child was reasonably calm I might then go on to say, 'what would have been a right choice in that situation?'. Then if appropriate we would have talked through alternative ways to handle the situation for when it arises again. This is dependent on the child, of course, especially their age and any SEN.