That the person with the special diet should think about food shopping and recipes…?

[JustJam4Tea]

I’m being annoyed this morning by DH who has probably got IBS bring vague about what he can or wants to eat…

Both wft. I do most of the cooking and food shopping because I’m more interested in it and am more likely to think wha5 do we need for the week. He does other stuff (though not as much as he thinks he does).

I know there’s some foods he should be avoiding, which seems to be most of the things I’d normally cook with.

How much responsibility do I have to take in devising finding recipes…when he’s just grumbling and grumpy about the symptoms but doing nothing to help himself….?

I’m well aware I’m being passive aggressive but You know….

YANBU. Awful ex claimed not to be able to cook yet also wanted to eat FODMAP – ie nothing – and didn’t like eggs, tomatoes, anything vinegar- or mustard-based, or frankly much of anything. Yet cooking, shopping and meal-planning was my responsibility, and critiquing the menus and meals was his: “This doesn’t have much flavour” NO SHIT, YOU WON’T EAT ANYTHING.

I would go on meal planning strike, or you sort you as you enjoy cooking and eating, and he sorts him as he has a special diet, and even if you’re shopping and planning separately, you can still sit down and eat together. Ground rules: neither of you complains about the increase in food bills from cooking separately, or one meal looking nicer than the other.

I would get a Low Foodmap/IBS cookbook and tell him to choose from there.

That’s is if, as you say, you don’t mind the cooking and shopping part of it.

My husband is in a low calorie diet now and I’ve made it very clear that I’m happy to cook for him but there no way I’m deciding what he eats every day.

I’ve worked out the calories for about 10 meals and he can choose from there.

Good luck!

YANBU if he wants you to avoid certain foods he needs to tell you exactly what these are and help you figure out recipes you will both enjoy without them. I can sympathise with him as an IBS sufferer flare ups are awful but he needs to help himself if he expects you to help him.
Ask him for a list of foods he would like to try and avoid, if you are willing to cook to this list tell him there is to be no complaining about whats produces. If he is doing FODMAP it is really restrictive and boring as hell.
If he won't give you a list then continue to cook what you usually do and he can sort himself

It wouldn't even occur to me to do anything about it unless he asked me to make specific changes to the food order.

Sort this out now or it will be your life.

Suggest he orders, cooks for himself.

I couldn't be arse with this if I worked full time and it was just expected.

Screw that.

He just won't take responsibility for it. As for buying a recipe book. He's got amazon. If I had to be on a really restricted diet I'd just sort it out. I wouldn't expect him to do it!

It's his responsibility. I had to go diary free for a couple of years because you gest DC was dairy intolerant and breast feeding.
I don't think I could have sat back and let someone else take that responsibility of buying dairy free even though it wasn't super difficult.

My friends DH does this. He's gluten intolerant- diagnosed a few years ago - and I find it fairly annoying if we go to a restaurant with him.

He will ask for gluten free, but when it arrives he turns plaintively to my friend and goes "Do you think it's gluten free?" like her vagina is some magic gluten divining rod.

Apparently meal times at home are fun.

@JustJam4Tea

He just won't take responsibility for it. As for buying a recipe book. He's got amazon. If I had to be on a really restricted diet I'd just sort it out. I wouldn't expect him to do it!

So what if he won't, leave him to it.

Stop engaging in conversation about food.

Make food for yourself and simply don't engage.

He WILL figure it out, if he wants to eat.

If you haven't had children with this helpless man child, don't.

If you have done don't have any more.

He sounds tedious.

Helpless men are SO UNATTRACTIVE.

Who made you responsible for feeding him?

Did you mistakenly post DH when you meant DS?

To answer your question 'How much responsibility do I have to take in devising finding recipes…when he’s just grumbling and grumpy about the symptoms but doing nothing to help himself' the answer is 'absolutely nothing'.

He needs to put his thinking cap on and get google out and use it to choose some things that he might like to eat and then put together an online shop, or go out to one of those big buildings that are around and are full of food that you can take home, providing that you give them money. Supermarkets I believe they are called.

If you're being really generous, you could do some of the cooking, but only after he has come up with some ideas as to what he will eat, seeing as he's suddenly unable to eat from your normal repertiore.

"like her vagina is some magic gluten divining rod"

What one thing does he eat? Just throw that at him every day!

You now those nights when you can't be bothered to cook (if you usually like cooking) my go to would be pasta and sauce of some kind his is always - Fish fingers chips and peas.

That makes him sound like he doesn't like food, he really does, interesting varied food - which is partly I think why he's struggling as he doesn't want to admit he's actually got to try eating differently.

He cooks a great bbq, sunday roast, he's much better at cooking fish like sea bass etc than I am.

I have to eat low FODMAP most of the time and fish & chips (without the batter and breadcrumbs) and a few peas is fine.

Gluten-free pasta is a staple. The sauce I make is based on canned chopped tomatoes, with something like tuna, jalapenos, grated carrot and olives or a few green beans. It's all made of easy stuff that's from tins, jars and out the freezer.

I'm pretty sure he could manage that if he put his mighty man-mind to it.