album about my mums wedding.

[AngelEyes66]

hi all
bit of background, me and my mum don't have a strong relationship she hasn't been the greatest mum. I'm 35 and she still makes little effort to see/speak to me or my 3year old daughter.

my mum is getting married this year 2 days before mine and my daughter birthday. she has asked me to be her bridesmaid but then expects me to pay for shoes, hair and makeup etc. has also asked me to pay for part of her wedding cake. now I was fine with just being a guest but she then begged me to be a bridesmaid.
she knows finacially I don't have spare cash, I make even every month.

personally I feel if you are asking people to be bridesmaids you shudnt then be asking them to pay for their own stuff, plan a wedding to the size you can afford.

but I dunno what everyone's thoughts are?

Yanbu, if you invite someone, not to mention insisting, then you pay.

I think if she insists on you wearing a specific dress, style or colour then she should pay

If she’s happy for you to choose your own thing then wear something you already own

These threads where mothers demand their adult daughters pay for things and do things for them are so weird, why are these women like this?!

Ive always paid for my own bridesmaids stuff. At my wedding everyone paid for themselves, but i didnt have a theme so my bridesmaids could wear any dress they wanted.
Does she want you to wear a specific dress?

Would say no to app the requests, it really doesn’t make sense to be a bridesmaid when your relationship with your mum isn’t good.

When I’ve been a bridesmaid and for my own wedding the bridesmaid bought the shoes but what they wore were their own choice so they could wear what they already had, hair was paid for and make up artist was optional.
Bit confused about why you’re paying towards the cake though

Although now I think about it I knew one of my bridesmaid wouldn’t be able to afford the make up so I paid for that

You shouldn’t be paying for anything.
However, if she’s short of money and you can afford it, it’s nice to offer to pay for the bridesmaids outfit. If you can’t afford it you’ll need to go as a guest and either buy an outfit you can wear again, or wear some you’ve already got.
Don’t be emotionally blackmailed into doing something you don’t want.

@Creeeper

I think if she insists on you wearing a specific dress, style or colour then she should pay

If she’s happy for you to choose your own thing then wear something you already own

These threads where mothers demand their adult daughters pay for things and do things for them are so weird, why are these women like this?!

Absolutely this. With emphasis on first part - any prescription on the dress means she pays e.g. "any soft pale yellow dress" is fine = she pays

And if she starts nonsense about professional make up say you prefer to do your own.
Ditto if she wants anything done with hair she pays.

As long as the wedding cake is your gift to her - fine.

Just keep repeating. Yes that's nice but I can't afford it.

Tell her you can't afford it. You're happy to be there, as a bridesmaid in your own already-owned clothes, but if she wants you in bridesmaid get-up you can't afford it, she'll have to find someone else.

As for the cake, just say you can't afford it. Or bung her a tenner towards it and tell her it's all youve got.

You've just got to be honest here and keep being honest. I can't afford that mum. I can't magic money for that mum. Etc etc

I wouldn’t be a bridesmaid if you aren’t close and she doesn’t make an effort. It’s just to put on a show for everyone else - you’ll be simmering with resentment the whole time (I would be).

And no, she definitely shouldn’t be asking for money for anything - I think it’s traditional for parents to contribute towards their children’s weddings… not the other way round.

It sounds like she is keeping up appearances ---- of you and her being on good terms, for the sake of other guests , family etc
I would just say no.

I find it most odd that bridesmaids are told they have to incur expenses. The dress, hair, makeup and shoes should all be paid for by B&G. If you can't afford it then don't have bridesmaids.

thanks everyone
yes she is asking for specifics like a baby blue dress, make up and hair etc.
I said from the start I would just go as a guest but again she says she wants all 3 daughters to be her bridesmaids but then complaining how much her wedding is costing.

as someone stated above I just believe in having what you can afford and not asking people to pay.

I also agree with a comment above that it's all for show.

unfortunatly in the past I've given my mum money (what I thought was to help feed/cloth my little bro/sister, but actually went on drugs) which is another reason I don't like her asking for me to pay for things as over the years I've given her too much.

So this is an opportunity to stop doing that.

I would look at this as the start of a new era. She has shown herself to be devious about money in the past, therefore no more money (if you think your younger siblings need some help then you do that directly, offer a meal, buy the shoes etc).
As a grown woman with grown children and even grandchildren, she shouldn't be expecting contributions to her wedding. You have the wedding you can afford and if that means you just have a MoH in a Next dress rather than 3 bridesmaids, and a Marks cake instead of one that requires a whip-round, then that is how it is.
Your priorities are your dd, you, and siblings who can't look after themselves.