About a year ago I was diagnosed with MS. Sometimes I’m okay and can get on with things, sometimes I have a couple of weeks where I can barely move. I do as much as I can on the good weeks, but on the bad weeks I ask OH to take on most of the childcare. This involves entertaining our 4 year old, taking her to nursery or sports clubs 4 days a week, bathing her and getting up early with her maybe 5/7 mornings a week. I still do all the housework and cooking as he hates both, although admittedly I do cut a lot of corners when unwell. I also take on at least half of the childcare when I’m having a good week.
I feel guilty, upset and useless when all I can do is chat to my daughter for short periods whilst lying on the couch, but OH seems to think that it’s completely unfair that I get to lie about doing nothing most of the day and constantly calls to cancel nursery/sports group because he doesn’t think that he should have to go and won’t play with our daughter because why should he if I don’t have to? If he sees me go on my phone or watch tv he says ‘oh are we having a screen day today then? Great!’ then hands my daughter her ipad and rushes off upstairs to play his PC games. I call him back down and tell him that he can’t do that, young children shouldn’t have much screen time and need entertaining etc but he just sulks and says that if I get to do it then why shouldn’t he? This annoys me so much because it’s not like I spend all day watching tv. I can only cope with screens for about half an hour at a time anyway. He does it with things like ‘naps’ and audiobooks and anything else I do while stuck on the couch that he thinks looks enjoyable too.
I know that he’s being ridiculous and that plenty of single/stay at home parents manage these simple things all alone but at the same time I feel like I don’t have a leg to stand on because he’s right and it is unfair that I get loads more time to myself than he does. AIBU to expect him to take on most of the childcare when I have a relapse without sulking about it and dragging his feet?
For context I’m a student and am able to study mostly remotely, but I had to quit my job last year because I never knew which days I’d be okay so was calling in sick all the time.
OH quit work to find a new job about two years ago, then covid immediately hit so he decided to wait for that to be over and now he keeps saying that he can’t go back to work in case I have a relapse and need him to take over the childcare 🤦🏻♀️ He does have severe depression and ADHD which I’m sure is a massive cause of all the issues so please don’t be insensitive with comments. I am planning to leave him once I’ve gathered the means as I’ve had enough of it all, but we’d still be coparenting so even when this happens it won’t change the childcare dynamic too much I shouldn’t think.