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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell my boss a member of staff has cancer?

15 replies

Peppermint81 · 24/02/2022 13:33

An employee I line manage has told me that they have cancer. I've obviously offered support, reduce workload and approved time off etc
She wanted me to keep it secret from everyone. I'm fine not telling the team but should I tell my boss or HR (HR are really bad and unknowledgeable in this company)?
I feel bad not telling my boss - should I? Am I legally supposed to or respect employees wishes?

OP posts:
Cakelover17 · 24/02/2022 13:35

Are you sure she meant you couldn’t tell your boss/HR? If I told my manager something like this it would be so the company was aware as presumably theyl need to no if she takes time off for treatment. I would imagine she meant the team and anybody else who doesn’t actually need to no.

Bdhntbis · 24/02/2022 13:35

I know you just said that HR are bad but they are the Ones who can answer your question on this especially as it depends on your companies policies.
Generally I would expect that your boss would need to know though

girlmom21 · 24/02/2022 13:35

I would tell her you need to discuss it with HR and your manager to ensure the business supports her should the time come when they need to.

Cakelover17 · 24/02/2022 13:36

And before you do anything else I would go back and clarify it really, if your boss needs to no then let her no and ask if she’s ok with it, ensuring her it will go no further.

RocketPanda · 24/02/2022 13:36

Please don't, respect your colleagues privacy. I've just finished treatment and at the beginning only two people in my workplace knew. As the chemo started to take its toll I revealed my diagnosis myself.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 24/02/2022 13:52

Is "boss"head of the company or your line manager in a big company?
I would think it's pretty normal to escalate this? Especially if there are resource implications?

MatildaTheCat · 24/02/2022 13:56

Just ask the colleague? Cancer has protected disability status so it may be beneficial to him/her. It also depends on what the treatment and prognosis look like. If it’s an early stage and very low intervention there may not be much work disruption.

Uafasach · 24/02/2022 13:57

Why do you feel bad not telling your boss? Does she need to know?

You have been able to offer reduced workload etc without referring to your boss so why the need to tell?

LondonQueen · 24/02/2022 13:59

Surely you will need to tell your boss as she will need more time off and she/he will notice her missing?

HeddaGarbled · 24/02/2022 14:02

The problem with keeping it secret is that if you take some action or behave in a way that the employee later claims is discriminatory, you’re the one in the firing line with no back-up. You need legal and professional guidance and backing and you can’t get that if you’re keeping it secret.

I would go back to her and explain that now you’ve had a chance to think about it, you’ve realised that it’s your professional duty to report higher, and try and come to an agreement about which of you does the disclosure, what to disclose, and to whom.

Georgeskitchen · 24/02/2022 14:33

I personally wouldn't tell boss but I would strongly advise your friend to tell them x

AgileSlug · 24/02/2022 14:37

"The problem with keeping it secret is that if you take some action or behave in a way that the employee later claims is discriminatory, you’re the one in the firing line with no back-up. You need legal and professional guidance..."

... but it's not all about the OP, though.

Please respect your colleague's wishes. So many stories on here and elsewhere about people with cancer and other serious illnesses being treated appallingly, atrociously at work. Being diagnosed with a life threatening condition feels so dreadful and chaotic and violating in itself that serious, respect her desire for privacy.

Dammitthisisshit · 24/02/2022 14:49

Please don't, respect your colleagues privacy. I've just finished treatment and at the beginning only two people in my workplace knew. As the chemo started to take its toll I revealed my diagnosis myself.
^^ this.

I was diagnosed with cancer in December. Both HR and my line manager have been very supportive but if your employee doesn’t want anyone to know then please respect her wishes. If she’s at the diagnosis stage it’s shit. Really shit. She will be processing and trying to come to terms with what’s happening and probably needs the space to do so on her own. A week is a long time in cancer diagnosis and she may feel differently about others knowing soon. It’s actually easier once a treatment plan is worked out and you know what’s coming. I couldn’t deal with too many conversations about what I would need as I didn’t know myself in the early stages. However if there are things you need to check with HR (sick leave entitlement for example) then explain to her that you would like to tell HR and why. Also HR actually encouraged me to go off sick to give me the time and space to focus on my recovery - I would have kept working longer and stressed myself out more - just telling you this as you sound like a good line manager and you might need to encourage your employee to focus on herself.

MacMillan has good advice - if you call them and explain your position they should be able to help you with what your employee should need.

Original poster
Peppermint81 · 24/02/2022 20:53

Thanks all for the advice. I've been rather emotional today! I will sleep on it and speak to her again tomorrow to see if she's ok with me telling my boss and hr.

OP posts:
labyrinthlaziness · 24/02/2022 21:02

You need to discuss with HR, to get advice.

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