My husband put our then 22yr marriage on the rocks a few years ago and due to deceit there are trust issues. We separated twice but on his last return spoke about a new way forward. It was short lived.
In October he started a new job. Last Wednesday he travelled to Poland. He rang on arrival and said the weather warning may delay his return - he’d keep us posted. We had a text Thursday but it didn’t mention the return flight Friday. At 216am Friday he rang me but hung up. I text by return. At 6am I had a gobbledegook response. Our youngest text him asking about his flight. Nothing.
At 3pm Friday he rang (from his work phone) to say he’d landed but there’d been storm delays. I told him I was pi**ed off at his total silence and he said his personal phone was dead as he’d not plugged it in to charge properly early hours Friday.
He walked in a bit later and went upstairs, showered, unpacked and led down. He spoke a few words to reiterate it was a charging issue and he’s home now. Saturday he was sheepish. Sunday I initiated clearing the air. After being told I’m not moving on and it digressing to historical stuff he told me to sit down and he’d tell me what happened in Poland.
On Thursday evening after food and drinks they went to a lap dancing bar - he told me he’s not done it before. He ‘got separated’ from his colleagues and went into a private room with two women. He said they made him pay for drinks and after lots of hassle with cards working he said he remembers day light and being on a street in Krakow. His boss rang and my husband made it back to the hotel foyer to his packed bags. He said he looked at the cc app and they had charged him £350 more than they asked for but that he’s lucky cos he’s in one piece.
My immediate thought was my worries were founded and also told him to canx the cards. Also said did you have sex? You’ll need to test. He said the cards are fine he’ll monitor it (yes!!!) and he can’t remember anything but he didn’t have sex.
Three days later it flashed up on our joint bank account £2500 withdrawal in Poland. Plus it transpires a further £3,500 was attempted but the bank security declined it due to the pattern of requests.
Although the scenario is different it’s the same behaviour traits being shown again. I am not a prude, the main arena of a lap dancing bar is totally different to choosing to go to a private room. It seems these establishments main industry is the card scamming and not the dancing but he put himself into that environment through macho drinking. He’s not even been employed by them that long. His recount to our children (we have no bank cards currently and it’s half term) has been one of a victim. I am struggling to have any sympathy to these cyclical man made dramas that are just spiralling…..