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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel selfish or even guilty?

11 replies

thebadlands · 23/02/2022 21:55

Hello,

I just wanted another perceptive on how I'm feeling ...

Since my child was six months (13 months old now) we have had endless questions about when we're going to have another and the truth is I don't want another baby. I had hyperemesis and a c section and I don't fancy doing that again. I also suffer from mental health issues (suspected BPD or bipolar, being investigated) and I feel like one child is a happy medium between no children and more children (literally).

With one child we can still go on holidays, provide more for them etc but still have a marriage (as in like date nights) as to be honest finding someone to care for one child is easier than finding someone to care for more (in my experience).

However, I do worry for my child. My dh and I are the youngest in our immediate families, I'm an only child and dh is no contact with his brother so I'm worried about when they're older or even an older child and not having anyone to play with at home or share experiences with.

I know I don't owe my child a sibling but I can't push this feeling of guilt and that I'm being selfish. Can anyone share positive stories of only children or how they overcame similar feelings? Or even an opposite perceptive of why maybe having more than one is the best thing.

Thank you

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 23/02/2022 21:59

I’m a very happy only child
Don’t feel bad

Original poster
thebadlands · 23/02/2022 22:08

@Shoxfordian

I’m a very happy only child Don’t feel bad
Honestly me too, and my husband was a unhappy sibling which you'd think I'd be content with my decision but I just can't shake the feeling that I'm letting my child down somehow.
OP posts:
Nostrings457 · 23/02/2022 22:11

We have a culture of having numerous children and only children will be negatively affected. I come from a big family and have 3 DC and wouldn’t have pictured it any other way. Now I am older, what’s more important than the number is that you as a parent are happy, enjoying life, content with your decision, are financially stable and provide love and support to you DC. Bringing your DC up to be a well rounded, caring, self aware, resilient is more important than providing siblings out of guilt, that they may or may not have a relationship with when they are older.

Do what is right for you Flowers

Bryonny84 · 23/02/2022 22:13

Don't feel bad or guilty at all. If you and your husband only want one child there's nothing wrong with that and you're not letting anyone down. Being an only child doesn't mean he/she will have any less friends or experiences so just enjoy your baby and stop worrying.

Mossstitch · 23/02/2022 22:37

There's no guarantee that siblings will get on. My brother was a bully and I've had no contact with him for years. He has added nothing to my life. On the other hand I have three grown up boys all in their 30s and the younger two are best mates, see each other most nights and there is nothing gives me more joy than seeing them altogether around my kitchen table, (usually at Christmas as eldest lives abroad) laughing and joking. You can't really foresee how they would get on and you are certainly not letting your child down if you decide to stop at one.

OwlinaTree · 23/02/2022 23:04

Don't have a baby to do a job (ie be a sibling). Have a baby because you want to have another child.

There is nothing wrong with having one child and feeling your family is complete.

You can always take a friend of his on holiday etc when your child is older if you think he would like company his own age.

Your family sounds lovely.

vincettenoir · 23/02/2022 23:13

Most people I know who are only children always say how great it is. It’s true that having siblings you are close to and get on with is a wonderful thing. But it often doesn’t work out that way, as your dp has experienced.

GiveMeNovocain · 23/02/2022 23:18

I'm 10 years into my decision to have one child. It's fantastic. People comment how happy, polite and rounded she is. She's great company and really doesn't want a sibling. She's now at the age we can bring a friend on holiday and we have lots of weekends away. She does loads of hobbies and has plenty of friends. It's worked really well for our family

ladydimitrescu · 23/02/2022 23:23

I bloody loved being an only child 😂

Original poster
thebadlands · 23/02/2022 23:24

@ladydimitrescu

I bloody loved being an only child 😂
Irrelevant but I love your username!
OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 02/03/2022 00:04

@thebadlands I have found my people!

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