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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to expct....

21 replies

macdoodle · 02/01/2008 22:41

When I am 5 days post section ..
(1)not to suddenly have a house full of visitors (ended up with 7 turning up at once plus me DD1 age 6 ad DD2 age 5 days)
(2) to expect one of them to go and make tea/coffee for everyone (especially as one was my MIL)
(3) to expect at least one of them to get up so I could sit down
(4) to not play pass the parcel with my newborn DD
(5) to pay some attention to my poor DD1
(6) to piss off home when the poor baby was screaming for a feed - and I was rather ineffectually saying I am going to take her upstairs now to feed (am BF didn't really want to get baps out in a room full of people including FIL BIL and 2 teenagers I don't know that well, as well as fact that I was standing up as no one got up for me)
Oh and normally I am not ineffectual at all but 5 days post section was tired sore and hormonal...why do normally well behaved people think this is acceptable when you have just had a baby !!

OP posts:
littlelapin · 02/01/2008 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictorianSqualor · 02/01/2008 22:45

Ugh, I would've just fucked off upstairs, you don't need to be polite, especially 5 days after having a baby!

TurkeyLurkey · 02/01/2008 22:47

Ahh poor you, no YAdefoNBU!! Congratulations by the way .
You have my sympathy re visitors, I used to hate this too, I can remember trying deperately to grab some kip in the day when DS was about 3 days old.
Just as I'd dropped off there was loud knocking at the door. I shouted down to DH "Tell whoever it is to piss off!!".
They did .

TurkeyLurkey · 02/01/2008 22:48

Agree with the others, next time disapear upstairs. They can sort themselves out.

MAMAZONtopofKILTbeingrude · 02/01/2008 22:48

YABU

you shouldn't expect them to be reasonable. whan an undoubtedly adorable baby is the room people's brain goes to mush.

it therefore falls to you being the only sane one left in the room to say "thank you for coming, bugger off now please i need to sit down and rest"

littlelapin · 02/01/2008 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scrummymummy1965 · 02/01/2008 22:50

With DS1 (now 10.5yrs) MIL came to stay (we lived 200 miles away then) and she expected me to cook all her meals, see to DH who was very poorly and just out of hospital and look after newborn straight after coming out of hospital with section.

She said she could not understand what all the fuss was about with sections and her neighbour was up and about straight away.

Some people just do not have the first inkling of how you might feel.

I did get my baps out in front of her and she just upped and left mid-conversation to go to another room!

macdoodle · 02/01/2008 22:51

Thank you mamazon made me smile - yes she is absolutely adorable so of course they all want to hold her .....and the joy of breast feeding is I get her COMPLETELY to myself....

OP posts:
scrummymummy1965 · 02/01/2008 22:51

Congratulations by the way!

moljam · 02/01/2008 22:52

yanbu!poor you-sounds fun!

lulumama · 02/01/2008 22:53

no YANBU

congratulations!

people forget childbirth , whether vaginal or ceasarean is bloody hard work adn new mothers need to be nurtured and looked after

stay in your Pjs, it will remind people you are recuperating, you have had major surgery

do not make tea, do not offer anything ,if people want anything they can do it themselves....

MAMAZONtopofKILTbeingrude · 02/01/2008 23:01

glad i made you smile. seriously though, you need to be firm with people.
they are so eager to come and fawn over the new baby they seem to forget you have just had major abdominal surgery.

when i had DS i cam home from 3 days in hospital to a house full of people i had barely met before (exh's family)
I dutifully played hostess and it near killed me, i tore my stiches and ended up with a really bad infection.

when i had DD i had visitors on day 2 of being home. i opened the door said hi, glad your here she needs a nappy change. turned to visitor 2, pointed to the kettle and said i have coffee, milk 1 sugar.

sounds really rude but i had learned my lesson. and actually they were glad to help. they will often re tell teh story themselves, whenever friends have babies now they are advised to "do a mamazon" and justtell people to get knotted.

louloulouise · 03/01/2008 09:54

I made it perfectly clear that people who 'just turned up' wouldn't be coming in - we just ignored the door.

A few times my sis and parents rang to say they were in town and could they pop in - that was fine, as was the people who pre-arranged a day. I would only have visitors at the time of day I knew DS would be settled, then he could be passed around without having a meltdown - better for me and the visitors.

My MIL was fab after DS - as soon as she arrived she went straight upstairs to give DD her dolls house furniture (which she bought for the occasion) and played with her for about half an hour. She then came down and had a hold of DS. She must have been dying to give him a cuddle as soon as she came in, it was one of the few times since I've known her that she used her common sense for a change!

You just have to be brutal, I have a terrible habit of hogging DS, under the pretence that he's coming up for a feed or he needs to go to sleep, nappy change, or I just used to wander off with him or ask visitors if they fancied a walk to the shops with me so he could 'get some fresh air'.

There's a million and one ways to keep a hold of situations like these, you just really have to put your foot down (even when you don't feel like it).

I think it's truly awful that they let you stand with no-one offering a seat for you post-section. In future just say something like 'mind if I sit down somewhere, my stitches are starting to hurt/feel faint etc etc' - have a word with your DH/DP too so they know the deal and back you up.

alicet · 03/01/2008 10:44

Congratulations!!!

YANBU. Most definately not!!! Can't beleive they behaved like this.

In future I would not answer the door unless you are expecting anyone. Get dh to tell his family that their behaviour is unacceptable if they come and expect to behave like that again.

And don't offer any bloody coffee!

santaspregnantlittlehelper · 03/01/2008 10:52

congratulations as well! YANBU at all

my MIL told me when i was bf'ing ds in my own sitting room, that FIL felt really uncomfortable with it and maybe i should do it in ds's room . so i suggested that maybe FIL should get over himself.....

also we had a "meet the baby" afternoon when everyone came round between 2 and 6 to meet ds - stopped anyone just popping in which was great!

pointydog · 03/01/2008 11:00

aw, poor you. People get so excited at the thought of seeing a new baby. You have to be firm - you shoulnd't have to get to that stage but people don't alwasy think very well

glaskham · 03/01/2008 11:13

YA defo NBU!!

with ds i was run around by visitors (my own parents and sisters) and was left exactly like you- making brews, no seat of my own....

with dd my rule was simple, no-one comes to see the baby unless they do a little job round the house so me and dh could spend more time with our baby when we had tiem alone, or they came bearing food we could make a meal of for us 2 and ds (16m at the time).....so mum came with lasagne, and even stuck it in the oven as she left so it was ready in half an hour, sister 1 hoovered, sister 2 ironed, and my dad washed pots!!! all friends came and put a load of washing on, or folded clothes out of the dryer, one even made our beds for us and took our sheets to hers to wash and brought them back a week later to swap for the dirty ones and bunged them in the washer even though dd was 8/9days by then and i was fully mobile!!

you have to TELL people or they think they can just come, mess your house, take up all the seats, hog your precious baby, and then leave the house without even putting their coffee mugs in the kitchen!!

nimnom · 03/01/2008 11:28

macdoodle-
YANBU - I was still like that 2 weeks after my section.
Put your feet up and tell them all to sod off. I was very weepy so dh knew that too many people meant sobbing wife - it worked a treat!!
Congratulations BTW.

Jackstini · 03/01/2008 11:29

No YANBU. I can understand peoaple wanting to see a new baby but not letting you sit down is ridiculous. If there is a next time I think LLL's comment of 'excuse me my stitches are hurting' might guilt trip them into behaving a bit better!
I remember the day I came out of hosp (2 days after cs) we just didn't tell anyone so we had dd to ourselves that day!
SantasPLH - what a great idea re a baby meeting afternoon!

mamhaf · 03/01/2008 11:57

Yanbu...dh and I had a code - if I said the word "bin" he'd work out a way of getting visitors to f* off. Worked a treat.

Oh, and get dp/dh to offer them wine rather than tea/coffee if you can - less work.

pyjamagirl · 03/01/2008 12:01

yanbu I once went to bed when mil visited us when dd was 2 days old ,

She stopped talking to me for about 3 months as I was ignorant and cruel for taking dd with me

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