To ask DS to text me when arrived ?

[sillyrubberduck]

DS, 17 has just passed his driving test and started driving on Monday. I ask him to text me to say he arrived safely whenever he drives somewhere (usually to his girlfriend). Tonight, 2.5 hrs passed with no text so I really worried and I sent him a text to ask if arrived. He texted back straightaway saying he forgot and that he's not used to text me all the time. I think he finds it annoying . AIBU to ask him to confirm he's arrived safely at least for a week or so after passing his test ? DH suggested an app to track him , with his knowledge and agreement of course but I am not sure.

My ds is 21 and got a motorbike last year. He’s far too old for me to be mothering him but for a while I asked him to text to let me know he had got to where he was going. Thankfully he didn’t mind. I think it’s a reasonable request.
I do think a tracking app is a step too far though.

When ds passed his test for the first few months I asked him to text me to let me know he was at his destination safely.

When dd goes into town to meet friends I ask her to message me to say she has met them. I do have her on snapmaps on Snapchat which shows where she is, she knows about this as has to share her location,

It’s just part and parcel of being a caring parent.

My DS’s are now 25 and 29, the older still texts to say he is at work, the younger texts to say he has arrived on longer journeys. They also ask us to do the same. We say we should stop this, but it’s not a problem, so we haven’t. I usually hear from both in the day, what’s for dinner etc., so don’t worry now if they don’t get in touch.

Thank you ! I feel better . I don't want to sound like a controlling mother which I am not, quite the opposite. I'll keep asking and tell him he'll understand when he has his own children. This is what my Mum used to tell me and God she was right !

YANBU for the first few times. My 22yr dd still messages me when she gets in a taxi or changes her destination purely on safety grounds. Its for me to tell the police where she was last going to if she never returns home but thats probably bc she's female and in a horrible world right now.

Just say you don't trust other road users, not him, and it will give you peace of mind for the next few weeks. Its you, not him type thing?

We came to an agreement, I have my son on a App. Saves him having to text and me having to worry!

Made driving since his test much easier, he's 17

oh....and we still ring our parents to say we got to our holiday destination every year, and ring when we get home parents are in their 80s, we are in our late fifties with kids in twenties. It will never stop

Do you think your son would agree to an app? I wouldn't be keen having someone tracking my kindness, even my mum! How do you think he would feel about this?

Exactly the same boat op with ds 18 just passed!
Older ds had a motor bike and I never missed a call. . Once lost a job because apparently I was never off my phone. I took 2 calls in a fortnight!

He has agreed to the app. DH asked and explained we'll only look to ensure he's arrived at the destination. Will obviously not use it at any other time. It was me who wasn't sure as it feels too intrusive but after tonight (I was sick with worry) I think we'll go for it . Any apps recommendations ? Thank you so much !

I asked my DS to just send me a silly emoji when he arrived places, he passed his test a few months ago.
I don't tend to ask him now if he's going on usual routes but if he's going somewhere a bit further away then I might.
I found it very stressful when he's just passed, not because I don't trust him but I worry about other drivers and how he'd cope in an emergency. But we have to let them try don't we, and let them work things out for themselves? So hard tho!

I did the same with dd. You're concerned about him, you want to know if he's safe. Totally normal.

20yo DS dis a long yourney last week. He text me every time he stopped and when he arrived. Then again when he set off so I'd known roughly when to expect the next one.

I'm not usually a fuss pot but the roads scare me. I wouldn't ask him to do it for the short trip to his GF though, sometimes you have to operate on a no news is good news policy. I'd hear if he didn't arrive

I know, so hard. I wish he was 5 again and tucked safely in bed .

When I was 30 and on nights and had moved out my Mum still wanted me to text her when I got home in the morning, despite assurances from me that if anything had happened to me on shift she would have known within the hour with a knock on the door. It's just a Mum thing, don't feel bad about it, he'll always be your baby.

I've not got kids but I completely understand how my Dad wants regular texts from me just to check I'm ok, despite being married now! I have him on find my iphone so can check where he is if I want to!

@sillyrubberduck

He has agreed to the app. DH asked and explained we'll only look to ensure he's arrived at the destination. Will obviously not use it at any other time. It was me who wasn't sure as it feels too intrusive but after tonight (I was sick with worry) I think we'll go for it . Any apps recommendations ? Thank you so much !

My Dad just shares his location with me on find my iphone, so if you're an Apple family just get him to share that with you.

@sillyrubberduck

Life 360 is the app we use 😀