Would nursery tell me there's a problem ?

[howdoesthisworktoday]

My DS recently started nursery. Let's say December - January time. There have been absences due to illness on both his behalf and on nursery's behalf.

His key worker asked me to meet the other day to discuss what was on his entrance form vs what they're experience is of him.

Apparently it was quite different - I said he can do stuff and he's never shown that he can do that stuff to him. Think counting or following instructions. Apparently he's really quiet at nursery and always wants to do his own thing.

He's two years old ( just ) and has not had much interaction at all with other children, until he started nursery very recently.

The key worker also mentioned that it seemed he wasn't comfortable being separated from his dad and I and was still crying a lot at drop off. This was a couple of weeks ago now.

I explained his behaviour at home and suggested a few activities he likes to do at home ( as they asked me what we do at home ). We concluded that because he really hasn't been around other kids, it may take him longer to show them the same behaviour as at home.

In any case, every time I've picked him up since then, they say he's completely changed and is now really sociable, talkative and interactive. I'm really happy, but I am still a bit paranoid about what they said.

Is this normal for them to pull me aside and then suddenly he's completely fine ?

Or are they just trying to make me feel better / more comfortable? I have noticed he talks a lot recently, including sentences and just generally his understanding of stuff has really shot up.

Would there be some sort of process if they thought something was wrong with him? Would they take me aside again and tell me to go to see my GP for example ?

Thanks so much. I'm just a bit paranoid and worried.

In terms of what I think of his development.

From all the check lists I see online, he seems right on track. I would just say that he's not a parrot or robot in the sense that, when you ask him to do stuff, he only does it when HE wants to do it. So not every time you say bye bye, does he say it back. Or not even time you count with him, does he count.

Or when you try to engage him in activities, he doesn't always want to. He kind of wants to do what he wants to do. Not sure if that's a problem.

That all sounds perfectly normal to me.
At the moment he's getting used to being in another setting. He's only been there a few weeks, really, hasn't he?
As time goes on, the nursery will start to see the kind of things you're seeing at home.
If there are still concerns in a couple of months, then yes, it might be time to look into things a little more deeply, but for now, I don't think you should worry too much.

@Sideswiped

That all sounds perfectly normal to me. At the moment he's getting used to being in another setting. He's only been there a few weeks, really, hasn't he? As time goes on, the nursery will start to see the kind of things you're seeing at home. If there are still concerns in a couple of months, then yes, it might be time to look into things a little more deeply, but for now, I don't think you should worry too much.

Yeah it's really only been a few weeks, because of illness and Christmas. Then illness again, then nursery closed. Illness again etc.

He seems to be enjoying it much more recently and has stopped drying at drop off on most days. Just marches in without looking back hahah

It does sound like it’s just taken him a while to settle in; a few years ago my similar age DD started at a childcare setting in December then with time off for Christmas and a week off sick in January it felt like it wasn’t until late February that she really settled

@Bdhntbis

It does sound like it’s just taken him a while to settle in; a few years ago my similar age DD started at a childcare setting in December then with time off for Christmas and a week off sick in January it felt like it wasn’t until late February that she really settled

Yeah in hindsight, it was probably not the best time to start. He also got so ill I couldn't send him for ages.

From what they're saying, he seems to be settling OK now and acting ' normal '. But I'm just paranoid about what they said not long ago !

My DD would sing away at home, but never joined in the songs at our toddler group. She half-learned a new song at nursery, and when I asked the staff what the rest of the words were, they were really surprised because she didn't join in there. I've seen quite a few mums surprised because their kids didn't join in with singing at toddler group. I think some of them like to watch and wait until they're completely confident before they join in.

It sounds like he's settled now, so there's no reason to worry.

Very normal to share development with parents- that is part if a Keyworker role.
Not uncommon for some differences in skills noted between home and nursery. They are getting to know him, he us settling in, more comfortable at home.
Re procedures for concerns... They must to carry out a 2 year old progress check once a child is settled in. Usually to check each child is on track in the Prime areas of the EYFS.

This is usually thd first step if there are any concerns with development. Should there be any areas of concern, it is usually a case of monitoring for a few weeks whilst they try to put support in place, then review with parents if not. Nurseries can make referrals to agencies for further assessment and support but they would always need to seek consent, and I would hope discuss with parents first.

It should like he is on track though. Lots of children take a few weeks to show confidence with their skills. They need to feel comfortable to do dk in their environment and building relationships helps as a starting point.

They'll speak to you if they're concerned OP. Please don't worry.

@dinkybella77

Very normal to share development with parents- that is part if a Keyworker role. Not uncommon for some differences in skills noted between home and nursery. They are getting to know him, he us settling in, more comfortable at home. Re procedures for concerns... They must to carry out a 2 year old progress check once a child is settled in. Usually to check each child is on track in the Prime areas of the EYFS. This is usually thd first step if there are any concerns with development. Should there be any areas of concern, it is usually a case of monitoring for a few weeks whilst they try to put support in place, then review with parents if not. Nurseries can make referrals to agencies for further assessment and support but they would always need to seek consent, and I would hope discuss with parents first. It should like he is on track though. Lots of children take a few weeks to show confidence with their skills. They need to feel comfortable to do dk in their environment and building relationships helps as a starting point.

Thanks so much for explaining this process. I really really appreciate it.

Do you guys think it's normal that he sometimes does stuff, like counting and other times he can't be bothered? Same with taking instructions ?

It could well be that from the conversation a few weeks ago they were able to do more of the things he enjoys from home which has allowed him to become more confident and happy to join in with other things.

I would definitely say it's normal to have days where they don't want to do things they've previously enjoyed. I think kids can be hit and miss at following instructions much older, there are still times I have to tell the 12yo something more than once.

@TrashPanda

It could well be that from the conversation a few weeks ago they were able to do more of the things he enjoys from home which has allowed him to become more confident and happy to join in with other things.

I think so. They said, they're trying to find a way to bond with him.

But like I said, he's really random. One day he likes doing one thing, like looking at books and the next day he's not as interested. But I think it sounds like they were really trying to find a way to ' get ' what he's into and now that they have, he's shown them what he's capable of. What wonderful people they are to do this for my child.

Are there a lot of children in the nursery? Maybe it took a while for them to notice he wasn't joining in so, after talking to you, spent more time integrating him by doing things he likes to do with you? It sounds like he's doing well now so I'd relax a bit. You've got a long road ahead with these things!

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

Are there a lot of children in the nursery? Maybe it took a while for them to notice he wasn't joining in so, after talking to you, spent more time integrating him by doing things he likes to do with you? It sounds like he's doing well now so I'd relax a bit. You've got a long road ahead with these things!

It depends on the day how many children there are in his room. I think up to 17.

You're very right, I need to relax. I've been just worried about him for ages in general. It's also because we have no friends to interact with, so I have no other toddlers to compare him to. So I assume that they're all doing algebra equations already...

I'm trying very hard to find play date friends his age etc. so that I can chill out a bit.

It's just been hard because of the pandemic for us in particular because of health reasons, we've not done much. Hoping that's all going to change.