I should probably name change but to be honest I don't care if she reads this, she knows my view already.
Hoping to get some feedback from the hive mind in regards to how common this is and if you have experienced similar / what you would do.
So, a friend I've known since uni has always been a bit of a wild child. Plenty of drink and drugs and casual sex through her younger years, all par for the course at that age for a lot of people I understand that. However she did settle down 6-7 years ago and got married to a nice enough chap, had a baby, bought a house and so on, all seemed to be going really well for her and to be honest I enjoyed her company more so after that because it was more in line with my own life, you know how it is.
Anyway, I live in NI now have done for over a decade and she still lives in England, so we hadn't seen much of each other over the years but kept in touch with one another. I would offer to visit her now and then but she always wanted to come here, get away from mum duties and thought the "bar scene" is better over here. Going out drinking isn't really my thing these days, I'm mid 30s and two small kids and seemingly very boring! But I agreed every time and usually it would play out like this...
Agree to go out. Spend hours getting ready. Head out for a meal. Look forward to a catch up and a few quiet drinks. She would start flirting with some randomer in the first bar and spend the whole night with whoever this bloke would be this time and I'd be sat on my own being accosted by random drunk strangers to have conversations with them as I'm stone sober and sipping tonic water (boring I know I know)
This happened twice, I didn't like it, as I don't know her husband very well but seemed like a nice enough bloke and I thought it was just so shitty of her to be coming all this way as some sort of cover so she could go out and kiss/grope/flirt random men.
The third time... it went way further than flirting and she asked for this guy to come back to my home, it was a straight and resounding no from me so she went to his hotel and delighted in giving me all the gory details the morning after.
This marked the end (in a way) of our friendship for me, I just couldn't align with her behaviour and it made me uncomfortable. She asked a few times after to come over again and I made my excuses as to why she couldn't.
Skip to today... she's announced on social media she is getting divorced because she has caught her husband messaging another woman...
I messaged her, asked what the full story was and that was the extent of it... she's found messages of a flirty nature to some woman who lives down the street. It's gone no further. But she's now all over SM about how he's rotten, she's so hurt, how could he do this...
I'm here like... er.... what about what you've done?! I gently raised it with her, didn't go well... she says she has self esteem issues, she NEEDS that attention so she doesn't get depressed, she does all the housework and needs that escapism... honestly that's her reasoning.
So... do most people have this awful double standard? Is it a thing? Is she in any way justified?
I don't know the husband very well, and always wondered should I find a way to tell him what has happened but after talking to DH we agreed it was messy and to not get involved, and to distance from them which is what we did.
Now feeling pretty crap about myself for never telling him but I was always very aware I never knew the full story, she was never forthcoming with details on their relationship so I only ever heard half truths and bits of stories from her.
Anyway, come at me with your views oh wise ones.