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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a little disappointed about not being invited to these things

12 replies

Cheesestring11 · 23/02/2022 18:22

I shouldn't take it personally I know, I am just feeling a bit low at the moment in terms of whether I am well-liked or not, though I really shouldn't care what anyone thinks.

Been with my partner for a few years and live together. He has a sister two years younger who lives around an hour away with her partner and young child. I've met her around 3 times now (obviously COVID pandemic prevented us seeing them more often) and it seemed that we got on fine, we've also slightly conversed over social media.

Anyway she's planning to come to see her brother soon. Not coming to see us, coming to see just my partner. Of course it's her brother and she's perfectly entitled to just want to see him.
However when they met last month it was just the two of them too.
I was sitting next to him and saw he was messaging her about it, I thought she may mention me coming along or ask if I was free too but no mention whatsoever. Nothing about 'coming to see you both' or 'when are you both free'.

My partner has invited me along as he's nice and likes me there but I feel uneasy going to things I'm not really welcome at, I suppose I feel a little disappointed she didn't mention me whatsoever.

My partner has 2 separate colleagues who invited him to parties. They didn't invite me as such, but he asked if he could bring me (I didn't ask him if I could go). It's really sweet of him (we don't go to everything together and we still do our separate things), they said yeah ok.
But I mean they didn't themselves invite me first or say 'you should bring X along'. They really don't have to, I could see it if they just wanted to catch up alone but these were big parties with a lot of people. They know me and I've met them a few times again.

Aibu to feel a bit sensitive about these things. I am really not entitled to be invited to everything, nobody is, I suppose I just felt a bit disappointed in these circumstances. Maybe they didn't mean it, it just makes me wonder if they aren't that keen on me but just don't want to seem rude to my partner.

OP posts:
Cheesestring11 · 23/02/2022 18:23

The 2 colleagues were both female.
I just think if it were me and a big party as such I'd automatically say 'You and your partner are welcome'

OP posts:
RealBecca · 23/02/2022 18:29

I'm not being funny but noone is slighting you, they just arent thinking about you.

Why dont you and DH do some hosting or set stuff up and invite people?

Cheesestring11 · 23/02/2022 18:30

Yeah I'm sure i just am overthinking.
I just thought it was odd as we've lived together for a while but it seemed very clear she was only coming to visit him and only interested in when he's free

Yes that's a good idea we should start hosting our own stuff

OP posts:
RealBecca · 23/02/2022 18:30

Why does being female matter? Do you think they want your husband?

People just cant be bothered to have parties and make small talk when their rather just get on with the in jokes.

Cheesestring11 · 23/02/2022 18:31

The thing is they were huge parties where they surely didn't know every single person really well, so I dunno if the small talk thing applied but maybe

OP posts:
bluedodecagon · 23/02/2022 18:33

If you want to get to know her, get to know her. Call her, text her, dm her. But just tagging along to everything is silly. Make independent relationships.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 23/02/2022 18:34

I literally never invite DH to work dos. No one ever invites their partners. Just the way it is.

I’d always rather see my siblings alone. We do stuff together too, but often I’ll go and catch up with one of my sisters without DH.

I don’t think there’s anything to be offended about.

Cheesestring11 · 23/02/2022 18:34

I don't tag along to everything.
I actually tried making a female friend of my partner's one of my own friends but she just wasn't interested and ignored my messages.
I am not going to go anyway, I'd just feel like I'm imposing

OP posts:
Cheesestring11 · 23/02/2022 18:35

Yeah I'm sure i shouldn't take it personally, I just thought she might be interested in getting to know me more and as I said they were alone the last time

OP posts:
Oldenoughtobedead · 23/02/2022 18:35

You may have got the wrong of the stick. For several years I invited my friend and her husband by saying “do you….” Meaning you-plural. Her husband got in a tiff because I never invited him. Fortunately we spoke about it like adults, realised he think I meant you-singular and laughed. Could this be the same thing?

Cheesestring11 · 23/02/2022 18:37

Possibly yes.. i think I'm just thinking what I would do, I'd say 'it'd also be great to see X for a coffee or something' but I know not everyone thinks like that

OP posts:
merryhouse · 23/02/2022 19:10

So did his sister say "I'd like to come and see Just You, Fred"? Or did she say "thought I'd come and pay you a visit "? - because the latter could mean you plural. If I were contacting a sibling about a visit I'd say "you" without a second thought, and sort of assume that their cohabiting partner was included in the deal.

The colleagues probably just didn't think about it much. They're having a big party and inviting work colleagues. Some of their colleagues ask if partners are welcome, and they reply yeah sure (it's a big party, not a limited dinner).

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