To not go to grandmas funeral

[LonelyInAutumn]

Hi, I made a thread previously about me going NC with my dad so maybe read that for some context.

Pretty much, my grandma (fathers side) is in the final stages of dementia and I know she doesn't have long left. My grandma is in a carehome in London (and the majority of the family including myself live in the west midlands) as her daughter decided to take care of her part time.

I don't drive and I'm assuming the funeral will be held in London and the only way for me to get there would be to travel via coach and stay in a hotel overnight but may not be able to afford it. Since I have no relationship with my dad I will not be travelling with him.

So WIBU to not attend due to NC with my dad or am I being petty?

No need for you to attend if you don’t want to.
If she is to be buried you can always visit the grave another time .

Funerals are for the living not the dead. If you can stand the other people attending or it would make things difficult for you then absolutely focus on yourself and remember her in a different way. I didn’t attend either of my GMs funerals - just lit a candle for them at the local temple / church. It was enough.

Don't go. Take the day off and go to a special place or a church, light a candle, say a prayer or plant a flower-whatever you think is a good way of remembering her in peace.

I wouldn’t go if I was you. You can think of her, do something that reminds you of her, light a candle. You have perfectly reasonable reasons not to attend.

The only funeral you have to attend is your own.

My gran just died at the weekend from dementia. Although I'm not estranged from any family I'm stuck in a bit of a quandary as I too can't afford to go either and tbh I wasn't close to her.

I was in the exact same situation as you last year and I didn't go. While I'm not NC with the whole family (just my father and grandmother, and by extension my grandfather because he wouldn't ever go against her wishes), I didn't think it was right for my presence to make anyone feel uncomfortable on what was a sad day for the people there. I don't regret not going and agree with PP above that funerals are for the living. I did take a moment to think about her on the day.

Can you contact the funeral director and see if they live stream it? That is happening a lot these days. Then you would be participating.

It’s entirely up to you. Do you want to maintain a relationship with that side of the family? Do you have aunts/uncles/cousins. If so not going could affect that (they may feel you’ve cut them off with your father).

I think that I will buy a house plant and have it as a memory of her.

I'm not very close with my cousins but when we do meet up/talk we get on really well and have a good laugh. My cousins dad (fathers brother) is similar to my dad so they're also NC with their dad so they won't think I've cut them off.

I do feel sad as me and my grandma were close but since she got ill and was taken to London, that relationship is non-existent so I'm just grieving for who she used to be.

Thanks for your input guys :)

I didn't go, it was in another country, I had some personal issues and job related, everyone was asking where I was, grandmother brought me up when I was little but ya I know she would understands my situation and never be upset so I don't feel guilty.My relatives were bit too much.But I miss her a lot, It completely depends on how you want to go about