AIBU - social 4 year old

[Lingotots]

DD (4 yo) only wants to go out if she has a friend to go with. We are lucky to live in an area that has so much to offer (beautiful green spaces, stately homes, playgrounds, farms, zoo, all within a short drive), yet she doesn't enjoy them unless she has someone to go with (she has no siblings).

She goes to pre-school in the mornings, then twice a week she has classes in the afternoons and playdates after her classes.
On the other 3 afternoons she demands playdates or busy playgrounds, and if we end up going to a playground and she finds no one to play with she gets grumpy and bored. I'm trying not to arrange playdates every afternoon as I find that exhausting. I'm an introvert and I don't feel the need to socialise every day, it drains me.

It's a beautiful day today and I suggested going to a lovely farm in the afternoon. She loves that farm and last time we went with a friend of hers. There is lots to do there, feeding animals, trampolines, soft play, tractor rides....and she doesn't want to go because none of her friend's can make it (some of them go to nursery in the afternoon).
DH is saying I should just organise things for her and take her with no negotiation. AIBU to always adjust to what she wants?

No, she can't get her own way all the time. It's nice she is social but demanding play dates every day is ridiculous. Just ignore the pleading and take her where you want to go. 4 year olds soon move on once they realise you aren't budging.

Agree with the above!

For starters I wouldn’t bother spending my time and money dragging her to a kids farm if she doesn’t want to go because it’s not like you get anything out of it but I wouldn’t be doing with this always have to have a friend nonsense either. If it were me I’d say that since she doesn’t want to go to the farm then fine you’ll stay at home and but that she has to play on her own. Out of interest does she play independently at home or are you always involved?

I have an only child 4 year old. Not nearly as social as yours but she does like a friend. What we do is take her places and then find a friend for her - it works surprisingly well and she's quite adept now at making gentle overtures.

@RandomQuest I agree, I'm not going to take her to the farm today as it's not that cheap and we won't make the most of it.

When at home she does play independently about half the time, but she does demand a lot of our attention the other half. She would quite happily sit and draw or paint for 30 - 45 mins at a time or even longer, but depends on what mood she is in.

She sounds quite demanding which isn't out of the ordinary for a child that age but I would not be letting her get the impression she rules the roost.

I agree with your DH tbh. No negotiating with a 4 year old for things like that.

My daughter is 4 and friends are suddenly very important. There are 16 only children in her class and their families do seem to have to plan a lot to do things with other children as they are bored otherwise. It’s a normal stage. It seems like unless she has company you might as well stay home.

No do not pander to this. She must learn to be told no. So give her the choice go to park or stay at home and do something else.,

Well, what do you want to do? If you want to go to the farm park then I think you should take her regardless. Life in a family is so often about compromise; you are organising a lot of socialising for DD, which you don't always enjoy, so that's your compromise. She also needs to compromise and have some time when it is just family.

However, if you really don't mind whether you go or not, I wouldn't be forcing her to have a day out that neither of you are that excited by.

(Your OP gave me a wry smile by the way because my DD has two brothers and she would give anything for an afternoon out, just me and her. The grass is always greener!)

I agree that every day is a bit much, but I think it's lovely that she's a social person and I would want to encourage that as much as possible. I think being an only child does have the potential to be quite lonely (not always) and it's important that she gets as much access to social time as possible. But as others have said, you can't expect a playdate every single day, that's exhausting.

Lovely to hear different perspectives. My argument always was that since I'm a stay at home mum I'm not too fussed about what I'm doing with her in the afternoons. If it was just for me I'd probably just stay home. I have my 3 hours in the morning (or more like 2.5 hrs) to do my own thing and then she'd decide what we do, but this desperate need for socialising exhausts me.

We did end up going to the farm park today as she changed her mind after nursery :))). She'd rather be out than in, so I had to buy a ticket last minute.

It does feel sometimes like she rules our house.

I have an only child of that age and I think it's a good for them to learn either to play by themselves or find a friend where they go, rather than always having a friend go with them. Often only children do have to be more self-sufficient and also more proactive in their friendships than children with siblings close in age, so it's not a bad thing for them to get a lot of practice when they're young and forming friendships is easier.

You say you're an intovert, but your daughter isn't. I don't think it's totally unreasonable she's asks to spend time with other children as she is an only child herself and more sociable, and obviously enjoys the company of someone her own age, albeit 4, but still. Maybe you could compromise and after her activities (which I'm assuming are with other kids) you don't do play dates as she's already been with friends and on the other three, maybe just have one evening where you can arrange a play date. Kids shouldn't demand, or rule the roost, but there isn't harm in her asking either, you just have to be firm and tell her no every now and again when it's not convenient for you all.