To wonder if it’s possible to stop a toddler from throwing food?

[Twopandemicpregnancies]

Am not sure if this is just terrible twos approaching and just par for the course or if we have a particularly angry and irrational toddler but almost daily she will decide she doesn’t want one of her normal favourite meals by aggressively hurling or flipping a bowl or smacking a spoonful of food out of our hands. She is 23 months old and has been doing this for 4 months but it is getting worse / more frequent. 4 months ago we figured we couldn’t really tell her off as she wouldn’t understand but now her language is pretty good so what can we say or do to improve things?

We are too soft to just terminate the meal if she throws food as we don’t want her going hungry, but equally I imagine by offering her alternatives to the thrown meal (sometimes 3 or 4 different batch cooked little pots until she deigns to eat something) we are letting her have all the control and encouraging this behaviour.

I am pretty sure she doesn’t do this at nursery or when her grandparents feed her - she reserves this behaviour for us parents.

Do we just have to live with food waste and wiping down the walls, furniture and floor every meal or is there something we can do?

Am gutted because she was such a great eater for the first year or so (did Jo Wicks Wean in 15) with all the sour veg and so many different flavours to avoid having a fussy child - and now mealtimes are just no fun at all

I would simplify things - and certainly not spoon feed her. She's nearly 2 so should be able to manage most things - let her take the lead now. Put a selection of things on a tray with compartments. Let her pick. So a bit of what you're having, some veg, some bread, and a few other things you know she'll eat and let her do it herself.

I would say, ah! We don't throw food. Next time, if you throw it I'll have to take it away, next time, just move the bowl slightly out of reach and say we don't throw food. Just wait a minute or two and then ask, would you like your lunch?

She's nearly 2 so should have some understanding of what she's doing, but won't remember long term consequences. As above I'd give a chance, move the meal away, ask her a minute or two later if she wants to eat it nicely. If not, I'd stop the meal, clear it up. Next snack/meal you could give her a bit more than usual if you think she didn't eat enough. (If you know she likes it then you can always give her the rest of the meal.). No way was I going to accept food on the walls!

I would do a few things:

• give tiny portions (with seconds and thirds handy) so there’s less to throw
• sit down with your own meal and don’t react at all when she throws (your reaction probably makes it rewarding for her)
• when she’s chucked it all, ‘notice’ that the food is all gone, and ask if she’s done or wants more. If she immediately chucks it, then out the high chair as the meal is over.

I know there are a few children who will starve themselves, but its rare, and I suspect she’ll clock on quite fast that if she wants to eat it she needs to hang on to it, not throw it away.

All of this with a very calm, matter-of-fact manner (you’ll need to fake it ‘til you make it!).

I used to just end the meal, offer water to drink and wait until the next mealtime. "If you don't want it you can get down." All very matter of fact. No child is going to suffer from one or two missed meals. I had more than one toddler at once though and no time to worry too much or to clean up food mess.

Giving a tiny bit of food at a time might help. There will be plenty of time later to learn to feed herself from a bowl or plate.

Mine are adults now with a very healthy attitude towards food and cooking. They certainly are not suffering from my zero tolerance policy!

Like a pp, I just give her a tiny bit at a time. Harder if it's something in a 'portion' like cottage pie/lasagne but for everything else I'd serve it to her. So literally just 1 or 2 of each thing like 1 chip, 2 carrot sticks and a nugget. As she eats it ask if she wants more and replace it. Would minimise the mess and give her some control over what she's having which might help.

Another thing I did when mine were little, was always offer them supper a little while before bed. It was always just weetabix, porridge or toast. Something dull and predictable so I'd know they weren't going to bed hungry but separate from their meal so they weren't 'rewarded' for not eating.

What are you saying/doing when she throws it? She’s absolutely not too young to be ‘told off’- how else will she learn what she’s not to do?

She’d get a ‘no’ with a frown, then it would all be taken away for about a minute, then I’d put it back again and see if repeating that for the duration (with lots of praise when she eats!!) would sort it out.

You say she knocks your hand - isnt that her showing you she doesn't want it at that moment? I would move away from spoon feeding. Have a little tray with a few different bits on it she can feed herself. Give her a little more control of the situation.

Our 16 months old granddaughter does this when she’s had enough of that food.
So she’ll have a few different foods in her bowl, which has compartments. She’ll feed herself but when she’s had enough of a food she’ll start throwing it🤣. We just remove that food and she gets on eating the rest.

Also I agree with others, she should be feeding herself, using her hands and/or a spoon.

I wouldn't end the meal and make her wait until the next one. Food is neither a punishment or a reward and access to food should never be linked to behaviour.

When one of mine went through the throwing stage I kept her plate on the table and put small amounts at a time on her high chair tray. I serve our main meal family style if i can so everything in her plate would be what she'd chosen from the centre of the table. If she purposely threw/dropped anything then I didn't react because a lot of children this age consider any attention at all to be good attention, a cheap shower curtain under the high chair helped protect the floor a bit. If she threw everything off the tray I would ask in a calm/neutral voice if she would like more, if she said yes then I'd transfer a little bit more of her meal from her plate to her tray and if she said no then I wouldn't, but she stayed in her high chair until the end of the meal. I didn't clean any of the dropped/thrown food up until the end and would always ask if she wanted to help tidy it up, sometimes she did and sometimes didn't. She did grow out if it but it took a while.

Your behaviour is a form of communication. A massive form of communication.

What is your current behaviour communicating? (A lot, I'd say).

And what is hers communicating? Frustration that you won't let her feed herself and have a bit more control?

I won't repeat other posters' good advice, but I would suggest you be more mindful that speech is only one small part of how you are communicating with her and she with you.

My dd is slightly younger and is growing out of doing this; she'll now only throw her food if she's told me she doesn't want something and I've not taken it away quickly enough. Usually, though, she'll not tidy up her tray and hand me her plate.

The best way of avoiding it was to la4gely ignore her at mealtimes. It sounds (and feels) horrible, but as soon as she knew she had your attention the food would go. I remember a friend feeling I was being mean so started chatting to her at lunch - she soon realised why I was just getting on with my meal.

Too much food at once seemed to overwhelm her and lead to the whole lot on the floor, so I'd just give her a little at a time. Also means there's less to clear up.

Thanks everyone. To clarify she can and largely does feed herself with a spoon or her hands. When the mess becomes too much because the yoghurt-filled spoon is used as a missile we might take over spoon feeding her. Sometimes she passes us the spoon and says “help” when she wants us to help feed her.
Often we begin the meal by giving her a spoon and bowl and we also have a spoon which is used to transfer more food to her bowl gradually if she is eating nicely (don’t trust her enough to fill her bowl from the start as it is thrown so frequently and suddenly)

@weaselish I fear the whole tray will get thrown if we give her several different foods at once but will try this tomorrow to see how it goes! Unfortunately there is no longer any guaranteed food she will eat every time - yesterday’s favourite becomes rage- inducing if served again a day or two later, even long term favourites like banana!

It’s a phase, she’ll grow out of it. It’s annoying to be in, but it ends with time. Just keep on praising good behaviour, sitting with her at meals and distracting her with other things and conversation.

Personally I remove the plate at the first throw and say we don’t throw. I’ll offer it back once. Throw again and that meal is done. They get 3 meals a day plus 2 snacks so they won’t starve. Thankfully they cottoned on quickly and it wasn’t a long phase.

Also most under 2s will eat most things. After that most toddlers do go through a fussy phase, which is evolutionary so that wandering cave babies wouldn’t want to put poisonous berries etc in their mouths. Whatever Joe Wicks sold you when you were first weaning won’t change biological instinct. So don’t despair if they do get fussier because it is normal and the vast majority come out the other side!

@Spellfish we always give her meals bit by bit. What we are not good at is all eating together except maybe weekend lunches. For dinner she eats around 5/5.30 which is way too early for us - we normally eat around 8 once she is asleep. Also most of what we eat is unsuitable for babies or not to her taste, even pretty tame things like fish pie or lasagne she doesn’t like. How do others manage to eat the same things at the same time as their toddlers ?!

I tend not to react outwardly to the thrown food but my DP makes quite a song and dance about it saying “look at the mess you have made etc” even though I have told him he is giving her the reaction that she wants. I do think him getting stressed means that she generally throws more with him than with me feeding her so will reiterate this to
him!

@ModerationInEverything and @PagesOfSlime will try to verbalise with her but am not convinced she has enough words yet to fully understand. Also previous attempts to move food away from her result either in a full blown screaming tears or her lunging forward flailing her arms to flip the plate/bowl!

What @Spellfish said

@RandomQuest I like the two strikes then you are out approach - will try!

She basically is a really good eater - as in she eats lots of different things. The difficulty is knowing what she will and won’t eat on a given day. It will be much better when she can say what meal she wants (and if she then throws something she requested then she is being unreasonable).

@VestaTilley good point - we must praise her when food isn’t thrown! (I would like to think not throwing food is the default so doesn’t require praising but sadly not in her case!)

We had a bowl with a sucker underneath so DS couldn’t pick it up and throw it.
He would still use the spoon as a catapult but it meant the whole lot wasn’t hurled at once!

@weaselish

I would simplify things - and certainly not spoon feed her. She's nearly 2 so should be able to manage most things - let her take the lead now. Put a selection of things on a tray with compartments. Let her pick. So a bit of what you're having, some veg, some bread, and a few other things you know she'll eat and let her do it herself.

This is the approach I'd take.

Solid foods that are harder to make a mess with.

Eat same meals together with a mix of food she likes and other stuff, and maybe let her serve herself.

I think let natural consequences take their course (all food on floor - no food on tray to eat)

And follow the division of responsibility when it comes to food.